...and who can be?
When you get the news that someone you love dearly is very sick and may have a tough fight ahead of them, who is ever really ready for THAT kind of news?
I had to come to grips with such news last night.
Over the past month or so, my mother has been complaining of a nagging pain in her shoulder and her knee. This past Monday, however, the pain was so bad that she could bearly walk.
Co-workers had to help her get into her car so that she could drive herself to the hospital.
I received a phone call from her at around 6pm that night, right as I was heading to the gym. In her fashion, she made light of it and told me not to worry.
Now everyone believes that their mother is a saint...but truly, my mother should be nominated for sainthood. She's lived through an abusive childhood, she overcame poverty, she survived two less-than-storybook-fantasy marriages that left her self-esteem on the rocks, and she raised myself and my brother on a shoestring income.
Yet, she still gives, never complains and looks for ways to bless others.
I sometimes get mad at her for not being "stronger" or "tougher" when it comes to people who try to take advantage of her kindness...
Yet, at the end of the day...I love my mother more than anything. She's become my best friend.
So you can imagine my reaction when she told me that she was admitted into the hospital.
But again, true to herself, she assured me it was nothing to worry about.
After leaving the gym, I called my mother to see how she was. She told me that the doctors believed that she had "hypercalcemia" which is basically too much calcium in the blood. But she also told me that X-rays showed that she had "spots" on the bones on the shoulder and the knee that was hurting her.
Yesterday, I got a phone call from my brother who told me that the doctors believe that she may in fact have a type of bone cancer.
My world was rocked. My hands were shaking and my heart broke for my mother.
After everything that she's survived...she had to deal with THIS too?
I called my dad and broke down. He did his best to comfort me and told me not to worry because, "..worry doesn't change anything. Think positive until you know all the facts."
I agreed with my dad. There's still a chance that it's not cancer. I've been doing a lot of praying..and crying...and praying some more.
I spent a good part of my night on my living room floor crying for my mother. After pulling myself together, I tried to watch a bit of that movie, "Julie & Julia" to get my mind off things.
Needless to say, I called my bosses and asked them for today off. I need to spend some time with my mom.
So here I am, at her place, grabbing a few of her things and filling you all in on what's going on in my life before heading over to the hospital.
I think for the most part, I'm through the scared-crying stuff...now, I'm ready to handle the situation.
But in the back of my mind...you think of how awful a disease like cancer is. I lost my grandmother to colon cancer. My best friend lost her mother to bone cancer. My ex-fiance lost his mother to bone cancer.
I'm just not ready for my mom to leave me.
So, she and I and my family have to resolve to fight this. If it is, in fact, cancer.
I'm praying that it's not. I hope that it is what the doctors first thought it was...a thyroid condition.
But then, no one is really "ready" to hear the word "cancer" fall out of a doctor's mouth...