While the world remembers the tragedy of 9/11, for me, my personal day of terror is 9/21. I'll never forget this day because it is a day I was beaten so badly while pregnant, that one month later on 10/21, my daughter was born with a black eye, just like the one I had.
Long before the Hughes brothers had their directorial debut with their movie "Menace to Society," I was dating one. He was a young, violent, ruthless, lost youth who took out all his frustrations, anger, and resentment toward his family and his life on my body.
I can't even remember what made him so angry that day. It's been almost thirty years ago now. But I'll never forget what he did as a result.
After years of his abuse, I could tell when he was about to blow so on this day, 9/21, which is his birthday, I tried to run for cover and went into the last room of my apartment that had a lock on the door, which was the bathroom. We already had one daughter who was about 18 months old or so at the time, and he was mad that there was no money for him to get high. I was pregnant so I thought I'd be spared of his wrath.
I thought wrong.
He became enraged so I ran into the bathroom with my daughter and locked the door. But nothing could stop him when his demons overtook him. He broke down the door and beat me like I stole something from him. There I was again with yet another black eye.
If it weren't bad enough that I had to walk around pregnant with a black eye, the worst came when my beautiful second daughter came out one month later with a matching black eye. She is the only daughter of my six girls who came out with a full, thick, curly, beautiful head of hair--and a black eye.
For years she would struggle with feeling ugly and different and ridiculed. I think to this day she resents me for being so stupid for being with him which would lead to her being born that way. I honestly can't blame her. No one stayed more mad at me than me.
But thank God for the gift of education which would lead me to DePaul University where I would study English and Writing and read "The Bluest Eye." Toni Morrison's writing has a way of drawing things out of the recesses of your soul, and re-evaluate your notions about society, color, abuse, and just life in general, which is exactly what happened to me. Reading about Pecola and her tragic life created more questions than answers for me about rape, incest, and abuse, but yet somehow, it helped me heal. To this day, I am praying my daughter experiences unexpected breakthroughs and blessings that help her do the same.
My daughter has since had eye surgery with much of the skin around her eye smoothed and corrected. She is a beautiful woman. But I know those scars still haunt her. They do the same for me as well.
But never again have I been locked in the bathroom fearing for my life, nor any of my six daughters who I now have.
9/11 may be a national day of terror that most people will never forget, but for me, it's 9/21.
I survived hell on earth.
About me: I'm a wife and mom of six daughters known as "The Fitness Evangelist" because of my ability to take ordinary fitness classes and turn them into worshipful events. I also help people with their health and fitness goals any where in the world through my business with Total Life Changes. For more information about me, you can visit my website at http://elanainspires.com or go directly to my TLC website for product information http://totallifechanges.com/elanainspires.
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