"Daddy I made those for you,"but he was too mad or shocked or I don't know what because he took his forearm and just went right across the table and violently smashed them all to smithereens. To this day I don't know why he did that and no one has ever apologized to me. My father has been dead and gone now for twenty-three years but now my mother lives with me. I can't even begin to try to explain how bizarre and surreal it is to have her here in my home now with so many unresolved issues and so many words left unsaid to things in my life I've yet to understand. Eventually she left my father and we moved to Hyde Park, where her boyfriend thirteen years her junior would molest me for my entire teenage years. We have never discussed this. I used to think I needed validation or vindication for closure but now today I know I don't. As crazy and as painful as it was or may seem, my father's action of sweeping his arm across the table and smashing all my little prized pottery pieces and candles is what I've had to do in the spirit for so many past hurts and disappointments. I'm not exonerating him but it does me know good to keep a record of wrongs to hold over anyone's head. He's gone. My grandmother's gone. And my mother is here. All I can do is love her and forgive myself. [caption id="attachment_3430" align="alignleft" width="300"] God is the ultimate healer. I am a witness.[/caption] It has been a painful and long journey to get to where I am today and while I still have so many shattered pieces of my soul that seem fragmented and disconnected, I know God is holding me together. I think the real miracle out of all of this is that today I can say I still love summer. I love being a mom of six daughters and I love taking them to the pool and watching them make things with their hands and telling them what remarkable works of art they've made. The fact that I can still jump rope just delights me and shows me there is hope and a life after abuse, heartache, and shame. I am not a perfect woman but I do love the Lord and thank Him for keeping my mind when depression and suicide and devastation came upon me. The fact that I am still alive after all I've been through is truly a miracle. Today I am able to take my kids to the park and pool and swim with them and just float on my back and lie there peacefully looking up at the clouds remembering what all I've been through and how good God has been to me. And then, when nighttime falls and the crickets start signing, I go out and look up at those stars remembering the promise God has made me and all His children and just breathe and take it all in. I may not be where I want to be but I'm certainly not where I used to be, and to that I can only say
It's day 1 of the dreaded day where you must take precautions not to fall into the proverbial pit of the 7-year itch. The year marriage couples stray. The year of boredom.As silly as it sounds, there is all kinds of information on ways to avoid the "itch," which is a burning desire to do something exhilarating and new and fresh because by the time you get to the 7th year, marriage may have become humdrum and a bore, so like an itch that you can't seem to scratch alone, you need someone new to get that certain spot. I'm so glad that's not my story. One good thing we had working on our behalf is that we thought today was day 1 of the 8th year. Don't ask me when or where, but somehow, we thought we already survived the 7th year...and we love it. We woke up today just as happy and refreshed, calm and relaxed, glowing at one another that we survived what others say is "the big one"...which got me to thinking.
What if we looked at all of life's major scares the same way?I don't know how we were duped into this kind of thinking as adults, but oftentimes, we are afraid of "boogey men" that don't exist. We hear sayings and slogans and adopt them as truths for ourselves, but it doesn't have to be. You can adopt your own philosophy and truth. You don't have to be afraid of life. For example, as a fitness instruuctor, we've been taught, you are what you eat. Everyone has heard that. But no one really stresses the more important one, which is:
You are what you think.I know people mean well, but I don't buy into all of the world's superstitions. While I don't love having a broom touch my feet, I don't believe I'm going to be cursed for life and have bad luck if it does. Forrest Gump said it best, "Sh*t happens." I also sit my purse on the floor, which drives some people crazy! But not me. They say "A woman who sits her purse on the floor will never have money." I beg to differ. I believe a woman--or any person for that matter--who doesn't get, and stay, on your grind is the person who will be broke. It's not where I sit my purse that dictates my wealth. It's me getting off my ass that determines that. Where my purse sits is inconsequential. I'm not thrilled about black cats, broken mirrors, and all other forms of witchcraft foolishness, but I also don't let these things run my life. It amazes me how spiritual or intellectual people can be, and yet, they buy into and believe silly BS. [caption id="attachment_3420" align="alignright" width="225"] I am proud to be a happily married woman.[/caption] I just don't. I know that the sanctity of my marriage is determined by how I honor God and love my husband, and how I love God and honor my husband. If I can get and keep those two things together, I won't have much to fear, whether it's my 7th or 17th year. I know some people really worry about avoiding that 7-year itch. I'm just so glad it isn't me.
Happy Anniversary to my wonderful young and brilliant husband who keeps me on my toes with his incessant desire to make me happy, healthy, and wealthy, by any means necessary. We are the proud parents of two amazing twin daughters God gave us in his and hers models, plus our other four you gladly welcomed into your heart and life when you fell in love with me. It takes some kind of man not to be swayed by an 11-year age difference, and all the other many challenges we have faced and overcome. I know God has great things in store for our marriage and I look forward to 77 more years together. Thank you for loving me through sickness and health and all the other roller coaster rides through life that we take together. They say this is the year that couples dip off, and I'm so glad that God has given us everything we need to make and keep each other happy. You are My King. Love, The Mrs.Thank you for sharing in our love together on this day...
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