Insecurities (Part One)

Insecurities (Part One)

Insecurities ruin relationships faster than the weather in Chicago can drop from 80 degrees to a balmy 45 degrees. We are trapped in a world where text messages, Facebook statuses and Instagram photos place our insecurities on an all-time spike. Those options along with several others are turning people into insecure individuals at an alarming rate.

For an example, ever have the love or like of your life ask you, "Why is that person constantly commenting on your posts?"

That is a regular part of a conversation nowadays.

The accused shares a huge part of the blame here. Ask yourself, does the constant texts that you receive from the random person not drive your love or like of your life crazy?

If you do not want the accusations and insecurities to persist, watch how you communicate and be cautious about whom you communicate with.

Gentlemen, if you know that a young lady has a controversial reputation, why in the hell would you engage in friendlies if it will end in confrontations?

Ladies, I must ask you the same question.

Even when the communication is minimal, insecurities are bound to rear its "beautiful" head.

Those with insecurities have a past, and or a present.

Too often will those insecurities go too far? It is up to you, the accused to control how much control you allow a person to have over you. There are countless relationships where guy meets girl, guy and girl likes each other enough to have coitus. After coitus either the guy or girl is cut-off from everything that was normal and happy in their life. That is not to say the person they chose doesn't add normalcy and happiness but there is always the dreaded ultimatum of "are you choosing them over me?"

If the options are positive on one hand, versus negative on the other this does not qualify as an ultimatum. It is based on love.

Other times it is not. I know people who are allowed to converse with their families, they are also not allowed to make friends.

Ladies and gentlemen that is bullsh*t at its best. Insecurity will always make you choose one over the other. When did love ever force your hand when it came to family and friends, especially those who offer positive enforcement?

Those who force you to bow to their way of thinking have another agenda and it doesn't include loving you. You receive your first warning when they cut your friends loose. Your family comes next. Basically, anyone who can speak sensibly is taken out of life for what I call "bullsh*t reasons".

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Bullsh*t Reason 1: "You are all I have."

Your Counter: Is that why you are acting like an ass? If you do not want to be alone, love me or I will leave. Better yet, I'm leaving now.

Explanation: A person who loves you does not fear being alone, they fear living without you.

 

Bullsh*t Reason 2: Your family and or friends do not like me.

Your Counter: Who cares? They are always in my corner. Are you with them or me?

Explanation: Going for reverse psychology here. You must remind them whose life they are in. They are there for you to like not your family or friends.

 

Bullsh*t Reason 3: I have to approve of all your friends.

Your Counter: Why? Are you afraid that I would talk bad about you? As long as you do what I need from you, you will never have to worry about it.

Explanation: Reassurance is a great way to ease your significant other's insecurities. If this doesn't work, their intentions are not pure.

 

There are several other bullsh*t reasons but I will not get too deep into the others. Here is a scenario to consider.

 

There is a guy I know named Pete (not his real name but for the sake of privacy, I will call him Pete. Pete has been with his girlfriend for four years. Of those years, the couple has a 2-year-old son. Over the course of the relationship Pete has virtually disassociated himself from his family and friends, due to the suggestion of his girlfriend. He does not do much with the earnings from his paycheck as she controls the finances. In order to make purchases such as lunch, newspapers, magazines, etc., he must ask for permission as well as show a receipt. Also, nothing is private for him as his every move is monitored and scrutinized by his girlfriend's family and friends. This al makes Pete unhappy because his girlfriend's life outside of their child and time together is off limits.

His situation reminds me of a song written by hip-hop artist, Q-Tip.

 

"Where you at? Where you going? That's what I get when I pick up the phone. Not a 'hello' or an 'I miss you..."

"The things that you would accuse me of, it seems were the things you were doing love."

 Taken from "You" by Q-Tip.

 

Does that situation suggest love to you or insecurities? While you ponder that answer, I will explain what would make a person have insecurities the next time we speak.

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