Relax, it is just coffee!
That is what someone is thinking after somebody has denied their overture for a sit-down.
Ever came across someone of the opposite sex who had some great conversation and you wanted it to continue? More than likely neither of you had the time to stick around just to talk.
Maybe it was time to get to work or you were at work. Maybe you had to get home to feed your kids, maybe you did not want to miss your favorite show. Whatever the reason may be, you regret not being able to connect a little longer with the person who piqued your interest.
Your time has run out.
In order to make up for lost time, you extend an invitation for a face-to-face for coffee or lunch. You may even ask to be their Facebook friend.
Whether or not you are physically attracted to them is irrelevant. You do not care. You just want to continue the conversation and make a new friend.
If they seem opened to the idea of finishing the discussion great!
Sometimes the answer will be no. For an undisclosed reason, they refuse to go any further.
It is nothing personal. They have their reasons.
One reason for this could be that they are in a committed relationship and you did not approach the idea of a sit-down with great intentions.
They may have been interested in being an acquaintance, but you may have given the impression that you want more. Committed people do not make time for distractions that could potentially harm their relationships. They love the people they are with and cannot trust doing anything outside of that.
They have set their boundaries hoping you will respect them.
It is possible that they trust you but not themselves. They may want to have that sit-down but they are afraid that they will want more just as you may end up wanting more also.
It is better to play it safe but I must admit, life is full of risks. Without taking the chance of a future chat, one could deny themselves a great friendship, or if they were ballsy, a chance with someone who can complete them.
Another reason they declined you could be that you displayed creepy behavior during your invitation.
Nobody and I do mean nobody wants to be friends with the person who could potentially turn into a creep.
This means you Mr. Text Message Stalker! In addition, how could I forget about Ms. Facebook Stalker? You know who you are. If you do not, shame on you!
You all are the ones who will get a telephone number and text all hours of the night. It can be 1:00 in the morning and you will text the sweet nothings of “what are you doing?”
“I am sleeping dammit! What the hell was I thinking giving them my number?”
You are also the ones who go to a person’s Facebook page and have the audacity to question every picture that features members of the opposite sex.
“Wait, have we gone on out on a date yet? No, we have not even… whatever, you blew your chance.”
If you show any signs that you can be one of these creepy people, then now you know why they declined.
A denial should not hurt your feelings but if it does, your intentions were not pure. Get over it and get back into the game with someone else who will love to have that chat with you.
You are not the villian and believe me, it was for the best.
To those who do not accept overtures to sit-down, Facebook or hangout, I understand; the person who was interested in sitting down is way too cool for you.
What is forgotten is that most people extend themselves only because they share something in common with you. They could care less about where it could lead. The future is too far ahead to figure out what can happen next. They are just caught in the moment would like to continue it at a different time, in a different setting.
You may be attractive, intelligent and interesting to them but that is not a reason to hurt their feelings. Take their invitations as flattery and live a little.
If you still refuse, at least let them down easy. Rejection is one of the chief reasons for depression. You may be feeling down in the dumps yourself and if they have you grinning ear-to-ear now, imagine if that moment happened over an extended period of time.
Relax, the world is not coming to an end because your personality gravitated towards someone, take the invitation as a compliment. Besides, it is only coffee.