You have been “casually” dating someone for quite a while but your encounters only consist of a quick bite to eat, a brief moment of flirtation and sex for a nightcap. This has gone on long enough and you are beginning to wonder: “is this a serious relationship?”
You are not alone.
In fact, there are many people, both women and men (we go through that too) that are in the same boat. You are starting to get seasick. It is a boat that has floated in the lake for so long that just maybe you have decided it is time to make some waves.
First, have you recognized how did you get where you are?
The laws of attraction are curious. Attraction can strike on a second’s notice. You can be at the local grocer, coffee shop, mall, etc., see someone who piques your interest and bam! A few days later, you are sucking face along with getting friendly with other significant body parts. After a few hours, you flee the scene of the sexual crime with regret. Regret turns into guilt and eventually that guilt turns into pleasure.
You are officially in the mud.
After finding yourself yearning for the flesh of your guilty pleasure, you seek out something real.
Sexually you are satisfied but emotionally you are half-empty/half-full.
After all, sex comes with a little hint of emotion from time to time. This is especially true for women who may want that teddy bear to cling on too after the rollercoaster ride.
The guilt grows further as subtle hints are made towards maturing the relationship.
For men at times, we want something deeper than sex. We get a little sentimental and start wanting a companion, but we are stubborn creatures by habit.
We do not know how to ask for more.
We both sink deeper in the mud.
Ask yourself this: Have you gone out on an actual date?
I do not mean a RedBox night, ordering takeout and popping some popcorn. I am referring to a real date.
A real date is when two people go out for dinner and a movie or something fun. The dominant one (somebody has to lead) holds open the doors and greets the other with sweet pleasantries, while the submissive one grins in agreement. They are happy to be seen in the presence of one another. They share the details of their day and shed layers of their personality in order to make a lasting impression.
The dominant one pays as the submissive one offers, but is calmly declined.
That is a date.
If you have had one date sandwiched between your sexual rendezvous then calmly keep the “casual” tag placed besides your names. If there has been at least three (that is all it takes) dating encounters, do not be surprised to find yourselves picking out towels together.
To make this even simpler than what it is, ask yourself if the original guilt or stubbornness that you feel is because that person you call to create a sexual crime scene with has a toothbrush at your house.