Chicago Sports' Diagnosis: Constipation

Chicago Sports' Diagnosis: Constipation

We've all eaten a not-so-nice meal from time to time that jammed us up pretty good. You've tried coffee, fiber, probiotics...hell, even a cigarette. Nothing. That "flow" is gone.

Welcome to the current state of Chicago Sports.

On paper, Chicago has something to be proud of. The Chicago Bulls have a player in Derrick Rose that any team would die to have. The Bears are in the playoff picture and are a few close games away from being a #2 seed. And the Cubs...Okay, the Sox, have been a competitive, even Championship team in the past decade. (Let's not talk Hockey...its too upsetting)

So why does it feel like there's a nasty bout of constipation going around?

It seems that our beloved sports franchises in the Windy City are all bumping up against a ceiling. Sure, it looked great on our plate. We put those teams in our mouth, swallowed them up, passed them through our stomache, and even felt some good pangs, but no result. These teams are all stuck in a place that seems like its going to be hard to get past.

The Chicago Bulls without Derrick Rose, so any approximation of their future success is skewed until he is back, healthy. However, the salary cap concerns the Bulls have and the passing of several massive NBA free agency periods with little to show for it have bogged down the Bulls. Instead, they have a lot of money wrapped up in Carlos Boozer. They are banking on continued improvements from players like Luol Deng and Joakim Noah who, while are great players, are not capable of being go-to guys.

And the future seems quite uncertain. To make a true splash will require some extraordinary finagling of the current roster with respect to money, an amnesty clause, and some bold moves. That's certainly something Garpax have shown very little ability to do.

The Chicago Bears have given us a present every year the last few years. First it was Cutler. Then Peppers. Now we have a beastly WR combo in Brandon Marshall and (if he can stay healthy) Alshon Jeffery.

But there's a slight problem.

We seem to have forgotten how to build a winning football team from the ground up. We've been dumpster-diving for Safeties and Offensive linemen, our elite D-line is once again not getting QB pressures and sack. Our Tight End position is non-existant. We haven't run the ball well. We haven't even really passed it well, considering Marshall catches about 80% of Jay's passes.

So what happened to winning in the trenches? To bulking up the D-line, the O-line, to playing Bears football? Or to Lovie Smith's #1 priority to beat the Packers? And while they are a good team, they are stuck as a second class citizen in their own division....constipated.

A lot of the same things can be said about the White Sox. Adam Dunn? Alex Rios? What can we consistently expect from these guys, amongst many others? And how long can Paul Konerko produce?

So while it is nice to have teams that compete and are by their respective league standards quite solid, the constipation is getting to me a little bit. I think we'd all be better served if one of these teams were ready to force a bowel movement and flush the toilet.

For me, that team is the Chicago Bears. The team has seen the same coach now into it's second GM, and there are still the same deficiencies. Sorry Lovie, you've done an admirable job in a tough division, but it's time we get a different coach with a more focused mentality...HAACHOOBILLCOWHEROOOO...phew, excuse me.


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  • Be sure to put the toilet seat down.

  • Sure will -- going to be on the pot a while in Chicago

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