Preparing for a great trip should bring someone happiness, you would think. Of course there's always a bit stress too, but that's how it should be. Somehow going on a trip just doesn't make me feel happy today. I was very grumpy, and I had no clue why.
Until I starting thinking about why going on a well deserved vacation made me feel this way.
While ironing, something that I almost never do (ha!), I finally realized why I am feeling this way.
It's because we are going to Mexico, a country that my sister loved. And then it hit me: I realized I would have been on the phone with her, if she was still alive, asking her everything she knew about Mexico. She would have been so enthusiastic, and she probably wouldn't stop talking.
I would do anything to hear her talking one more time...
I chose to go to Mexico on purpose. I thought it would be a great tribute to my sister, going where she went, years ago, together with my favorite aunt. We doubted between Mexico and Florida and opted for Mexico.
Today, my aunt and sister both are gone. I so wish I could take them both with us on this trip.
So after realizing this, I cried my eyeballs out. I also knew they both would want me to enjoy preparing for my vacation. And I am sure they will be with us while we are there.
I looked up the pictures I have from their vacation, that my aunt took of my sister. I cried again, because my sis looked so fragile and sick in those photos.
I wish I would have known what caused the way she looked at that time. I wish I would have done more to help her.
Unfortunately, I had no clue. I just thought she was struggling with an eating disorder or something (not that that's a small thing to struggle with).Now I know she clearly wasn't.
And again I want to tell you, to pay close attention to the people surrounding you. Are they REALLY okay?
Could there be anything going on with them, that you are not aware of? Do you ever really listen to your neighbors, friends, family, colleagues?
Please be there for each other. I sure wish I would have done a better job.
Now...I will finally start packing, while being more patient and kind to my own family, because I know they need that.
We all need a relaxed vacation after the shit we've been through this last year.
If you are going on a vacation in the upcoming weeks too, please enjoy!
If you stay home, make sure you take time to relax too.
I'll be packing now, feeling a lot better,you'll hear from me in a few weeks.