Being Gifted is NOT a Gift!!!

Being Gifted means that you have a hard time in this 'average' world.

IMG_8169When you are Gifted there are still differences between being Gifted and being very Gifted. When you have an IQ that's higher than 145, you are very Gifted. Look at it like this; 'average' people have an IQ of 100. When they have to deal with people that have an IQ of 55, they will act different. They will feel like the people with an IQ of 55 don't really understand them. That's how a very Gifted person feels is whole life, talking to 'average' people.

I don't want to say that Gifted people are better or something like that, I think that being a good person can't be measured by the height of your IQ. So, that's not my problem.

My problem is that a lot of times people don't get 'us' (by 'us' I mean our family). And I can't blame them and they can't blame me. It's not about blame, it's just something that's there. And we have to deal with it, our whole life...

About 2,5% of the people in the world are Gifted. So you have to be very fortunate to meet another Gifted person, who can think like you. And still, luckily, all Gifted people are different. That makes finding a real friend even more difficult. I am fortunate that I found a real friend, who really really gets me (besides my husband). Unfortunately she lives in the Netherlands. I miss her very much.

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Sometimes I really love being Gifted. I can look at things from a thousand different angles. I can make decisions that are really thought through. And I can also make my decisions quickly. On the other hand, I can't stop my thinking. I keep thinking no matter what I do or where I am. This is really exhausting!

Having said all this, you can maybe get how a family of four, all Gifted, functions...all thinking and thinking and thinking. All having a hard time in the 'average' world. I am so glad we have each other!

Parenting a Gifted child is a big challenge too. Parenting on it's own is already a very big challenge, but parenting a Gifted child is even harder. The biggest challenge I face as a mom is trying to find a balance between the age my kids really are and the 'Gifted-age' they are. Everywhere I come, people tell me they can talk with my children like grown ups talk. That's true. People love it, they think it's special. And it is. But that's also what makes the challenge even bigger for me as a parent and for them as children.

I am so done with people saying 'Is your child Gifted? That's so awesome!' It is not!

My children are very sensitive. They feel everything. They know which people are sad or not, even if these people pretend to be happy. They know when people lie, they know when people say they know what they mean, but actually don't get them at all. They feel lonely. And being away from their family in the Netherlands makes that even worse. Is this a reason to go back there? To me it isn't, but it sure is challenging! It would make that part better, and his school was a lot better there too, but it wouldn't solve the bigger problem being Gifted in this 'average' world is. So I have no regrets having moved here. It has been a difficult choice, but I still support it. It brings a lot of good things too!

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At school it's always a struggle. I wish my oldest son could have taken his last teachers (from the Netherlands) with him. They really got him. Moving to America has been, and still is, a big adventure. But it also is a big struggle every day. At the school of my oldest they try to help him, they do there best. But it is just not good enough for him. I can see his struggle every day; at school he is behaving as a very good boy. He is trying to fit in so hard. At home he needs to let go all the stress that school gives him, being bored every day.

I get it, that they told us he needed to learn English first. After a few months his English was good. And it gets better every day. But him not speaking English as the other children, (that spoke English every day, their whole life long), is not a reason for him to stay in his age group. A few hours of AT won't help him. He needs acceleration, at least one year and after that a teacher that knows what Gifted children need, on a daily basis. He needs real peers around him!

We don't have the money to send them to a private school. We are saving a lot of money for them, so they can go to University. That is, if they will get there, if they don't drop out, being totally bored. I am so afraid that that's going to happen. Children with an IQ of 55 do get a lot of extra's at school, and I totally think that's right, but shouldn't there be something extra for the children with an IQ of 145 or higher?

There are special summer camps for Gifted children, they cost more than a whole year of college in the Netherlands. That's not fair, that's discrimination!

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