Archive for October 2015

Matthew McConaughey, Wanna be my Friend?

Dear Matthew, You don’t know me, but that doesn’t really matter. None of us know anyone until we know them, right? Everyone’s a stranger at some point. But take my word for it, you should get to know me. I’m looking for a new friend (I’ve been hemorrhaging friends lately), and you seem like a... Read more »

I've Hated the Mets for a Long Time

Just for the record, I hate the Mets. And this has nothing to do with the ass-whooping that they’ve dished out to the Cubs in the last three games. (None of the games have been as close as the scores would indicate.) No, this hatred has a 29-year history. It has waxed and waned during... Read more »

Fuck Your Guns

I hope you’re happy, Mr. Gun. Ten more people are dead. Their lives are over. End of the road. Dead. Why is that? Well, the simple answer is because some madman decided to make a community college his shooting range. The complex answer—the uncomfortable answer, the answer that lots of people don’t want to acknowledge—is... Read more »