Why Winter Sucks

Sometimes I’m here to entertain. Sometimes I’m here to annoy. Sometimes I’m here to make you think. And sometimes, like today, I’m just here to inform. So in case you forgot, I’d like to remind you that winter is on its way.

Here are some of the things you have to look forward to:

--Your car being covered in frost in the morning, and then freezing on your way to work.

--Coming home from work in the dark.

--Black ice.

--Shoveling.

--Shoveling again after the snow resumes.

--Shoveling a third time because the weatherman was wrong when he estimated the ending time of the snow.

--Wind so cold against your cheeks that it begins to feel hot.

--Having to walk with your head tilted to the side because snow is blowing in your face.

--Your gas bill.

--Remembering how slippery that metal threshold at your front door becomes when it’s covered with powdery snow.

--Remembering how hard your concrete steps are when you fall on your butt.

--Television newscasts whose storm coverage consists of one reporter on a road over an expressway, followed by the same reporter’s interviews with drivers at a gas station, another report who interviews passengers stranded at the airport, a shot of the departure screen filled with “Canceled” and the meteorologist trying to explain the difference between a Winter Weather Advisory and a Winter Weather Watch.

--Ice clinging to your windshield wipers.

--Removing ice from your windshield wipers, and still not having a clear windshield because apparently there’s some microscopic piece of ice still attached to the blade that’s keeping it from making smooth contact with the windshield.

--Clearing your driveway, and then having the snowplow bury the bottom again.

--Forgetting your gloves at home.

--Dry, cracking hands that begin to bleed if you happen forget to lotion them before you go to work.

--Fishtailing.

--That annoying person at work who will chuckle and then ask, “Cold enough for ya?”

--Entire weeks without seeing the sun.

--Days where you see the sun and blue sky, and for a second you forget that it’s the middle of winter and twenty degrees below zero and you get excited.

--The disappointment when you remember.

--Numbness in your toes because two pairs of socks aren’t enough.

--Slush.

--Huge chunks of ice behind the wheel wells of your car that won’t dislodge without standing next to your car and kicking them off, during which you’ll inevitably hit your shin and bruise your toes or heel.

--Stiff fingers.

--Stepping on the wet floor in your socks near the front door after someone tracks snow into the house.

--Running out of windshield washer fluid.

--Frozen locks.

--Hitting that raised section of the sidewalk as you’re shoveling, and the handle of the shovel stabbing you in the stomach.

--Cold floor tiles.

--Snow plows waking you in the middle of the night.

--Lake effect snow.

--Wind chill factors.

--Thinking that thirty-five degrees doesn’t feel all that cold.

--C-O-L-D

I don’t want to be too much of a downer, so I’ll stop there. You probably get the point anyway. Winter’s coming. It’s going to suck. But to quote a Pearl Jam song, “no matter how cold the winter, there’s a springtime ahead.”

And despite my pessimism, not every single second of winter is going to suck. There will be moments like this:
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The perfect cure for the winter doldrums? My Facebook page: Brett Baker Writes. Like it, please.

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