Archive for October 2014

Why Maps Are Better Than GPS

I like maps. Weather maps, zoo maps, amusement park maps, campus maps, maps that show where Major League Baseball fans live, maps that show how states have voted in Presidential elections, and the best hand-drawn American wall map. However, I have a special fondness for road maps. As a kid I’d spend hours looking at... Read more »

Somewhere Among Millions of Options, Perfection

My perfect day. Is there a word for that overwhelming feeling you get sometimes when you have so many damn choices you don’t know what the hell to pick? Like when you go to Baskin-Robbins and you think “Ahh, 31 flavors, I can’t wait!” And then you get there and your brain almost explodes because... Read more »

A Dad's Review of Taylor Swift's '1989'

First of all, I know that I’m probably not Taylor Swift’s target demographic. She can’t possibly sell too many albums to married thirty-six-year-old dudes. Not counting those dudes who are buying the albums for their daughters, of course. So Taytay probably isn’t going to shed too many tears or pump too many fists over what... Read more »

Apparently I Have Resting Bitch Face

I suffer from an affliction that I didn’t even know existed. My lovely wife happened to mention it to me over the weekend, and while we laughed about it at first, the more I pondered it, the more I realized that she might be right. Resting Bitch Face, or RBF as it’s commonly known, (I’m... Read more »

Hey, You're too Old to Trick or Treat

In the catalog of practically meaningless phrases, “How are you?” and “Trick-or-treat?” are roughly equivalent. If you answer “How are you?” with anything other than “Fine” or “Good” you risk suffering the wrath of the person who asked the question. And these days “Trick or Treat?” is similarly meaningless. When little ghouls and goblins come... Read more »

Banning Lorde's 'Royals' Not Enough Help for Giants

The World Series starts tonight. In a town where each of our baseball teams finished seventeen games out of first place, that doesn’t mean too much. But to Kansas City, whose Royals are in the World Series for the first time since 1985, it’s a big deal. And in San Francisco, whose Giants are making... Read more »

When Did Pearl Jam Fans Get so Old?

Back in the late fifties and early sixties my mom was a teenager and liked the popular music of the time. The rock ‘n roll of those days is much tamer compared to what followed, but it still irritated the hell out of her father. I smile when I think of my grandpa yelling across... Read more »

Silly Adults, Disney Princess Costumes are for Kids

It’s almost Halloween, which means this is prime time for people who like to pretend they’re something they’re not. Usually this is all in good fun, and I’m all for it. However, there’s one group of people who should refrain from such shenanigans. I’m not talking about transvestites; they keep the fun going all year.... Read more »

Acorn Shortage Leads to Squirrel on Squirrel Violence

Scientists are mystified by the cause of an acorn shortage that threatens to tear apart the squirrel community, but also promises a jobs increase for humans. Peter J. McIntyre, lead researcher for New Urbanists Training Squirrels, or NUTS, has been following the eating patterns of squirrels for two decades. Mr. McIntyre’s group has concluded that... Read more »

Facebook as Idiot Warning System

Facebook has more than a billion users, and no two of us probably use it for the exact same reasons. We all know the popular uses of Facebook: sharing photos, bragging about your kids, raving about the meal you just ate, and stalking that person you don’t actually want to talk to, but about whom... Read more »