In Surprise Move, Trump Nominates Self for Supreme Court Justice

President Trump, as he would appear as a Supreme court Justice

President Trump, as he would appear as a Supreme court Justice

SATIRE

Washington, DC

Acting just hours after the death of the beloved Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, President Trump indicated that he would submit his own name to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell as her replacement.

In a rambling statement on the White House lawn, and responding to questions by reporters, Trump stated "I had the utmost respect for Granma Ginny, but I was just waiting for her to die. Cryin' Chuck wanted her living, but she was too weak to fight cancer, something millions of good Republicans fight every day. There are no dead heroes on the Supreme Court. I will be a living hero, and I am going to live a long, very long, time."

When asked how this impacted his role as President, Trump stated that he felt no conflicts in maintaining both positions. "My legal experts, the great minds Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, and Rudy Giuliani, agree with me that nowhere, nowhere in our Constitution, our wonderful, wonderful Constitution, does it say a President can't be on the Supreme Court. And believe me, I read the whole thing every night."

In response to questions as to which judges he would model himself after he listed several including "the guy from Night Court who also did magic tricks and the first one from The People's Court," but not Judge Judy, who he said, "was just a hotter version of Nervous Nancy (Pelosi)." Asked to name his favorite current Supreme Court Justice, President Trump was unable to name any, forgetting both Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh, both nominated by him and appointed during his own term.

Responding to a question about his thoughts on legal precedents, Trump clearly stated his position that "I am the legal President, I beat Crazy Hillary by 4 million votes, at least, and probably much, much more. And when I am on the Supreme court I can make sure that I will be legally elected one or maybe two, I haven't decided yet, times."

Senate Majority Leader McConnell, reached by telephone at his Kentucky home, stated that the appointment process would proceed swiftly to ensure that the "American people are never without a full Supreme Court for more than a matter of weeks," blaming President Obama for the long gap following the death of Antonin Scalia in 2016. "He was only going to be in office nine more months so he had no right to choose the next Justice. I made sure he couldn't. This is totally different." When asked how it was different, McConnell said his wife, Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao, needed him in the kitchen and hung up the phone.

In related news, the family of the late Justice Ginsburg requested that no members of the Trump family attend her memorial service "in keeping with the wishes of half of America."


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Filed under: humor, Politics

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