A Wedding Is NOT a Grown Up Bat Mitzvah. Here is Why.

chuppahLaury and Alex's wedding is one month from today.  RSVPs are being counted. Dresses are being formed, fitted and accessorized; tuxedos are coming out of hanging bags and sent to Zenglers Dry Cleaning to be pressed. Rehearsal dinner and morning after brunch, both courtesies of the groom's family, are planned.

We have picked the pictures for the video montage and found the perfect music. The decor is almost finalized.  The selection of the passed hors d'oeuvers is complete, the menu for the wedding dinner is set, and the place cards are on order. We have previewed the set list with the band leader, who has also mentioned he may be able to add in a world famous drummer for the gig--we will pass on that little extra expense.

Laury is researching the perfect late night treats. The kids are working on their dance moves and Barb and I are trying to remember ours. The hairstylists and makeup artists are scheduled. I have my pre-wedding haircut in my calendar although Tina my stylist asks me why I am bothering. "After all," she says, "it is all about the bride and the bride's mother. No one will ever be looking at you."

All in all, quite a bit different from Laury's Bat Mitzvah, 17 years ago this month. Laury did a great job that day, reading Torah and leading worship. But the Bat Mitzvah had only one day of celebrations. There was only one set of families to include. Instead of a society florist, we had a Jungle Kingdom theme with a pre-dinner visiting animal menagerie. There was no band; we hired a fast-talking New York style DJ who promised he wouldn't do anything to embarrass us and then walked on the edge.

It was a fun party, we were proud of Laury, but for a family that had never made religion a centerpiece of our life, it had the feel of very much ado about...not so much. After a few days, the significance had passed. Despite that, the video is still fun to watch.

No matter how much work and energy is spent in the next month, no matter how much stress there is now, and how much elation there will be that weekend one month from now, we hope the kids remember one thing. Unlike the Bat Mitzvah, it is the marriage, much more than the wedding, that counts. As both sets of parents can tell them, the significance of the wedding day will never pass, the commitment goes on and on and with each day becomes stronger. This is a life changer.

But we still hope the video will be fun to watch!


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photo credit: FestivitiesMN <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/38227433@N04/20261961825">Radisson Blu - Wedding - July 2015</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">(license)</a>

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