President Trump, Can I Be In Your Cabinet Too?

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Dear President Trump:

It is very cold in Chicago. I hear the weather is better in Washington DC. I also have some friends and relatives there, so I am investigating making a move. I don't want to relocate without a decent paying job, so can you give me a Cabinet post? I don't care which one; that is up to you. But just to help, here are my qualifications for some of the positions:

  1. Secretary of State: I can name about 50 countries and can even find most of them on a map. I am not so good on capital cities, but I am a fast learner. I also think it would be cool to get one or two million frequent flyer miles so the airline will give me that nifty black card that George Clooney has.
  2. Secretary of Treasury: As a kid i collected pennies. Now I collect larger bills, and also know how to spend them. Spending lots of money is another way to get miles on those nifty black cards.
  3. Secretary of Defense: I got bullied once and the next day I brought some friends to rearrange the bully's attitude. That's the best defense, have some friends do your dirty work.
  4. Attorney General: My son and lots of other people I know are lawyers. I have also been to traffic court. I won. 'Nuff said.
  5. Secretary of Interior: Only about 83 Americans knows what this person does and I am not one of them. But I will still take the job.
  6. Secretary of Agriculture: I have never seen a working farm but I am tolerant of gluten, lactose, GMOs, ADM and Monsanto. Think of the kick-ass Franken-Crops we can create!
  7. Secretary of Labor: I was in a union in my first job at the Jewel Food Store on Morse Avenue across from the deli. The store manager hated unions just like your administration will. I learned young.
  8. Secretary of Health and Human Services: Did I tell you I was a doctor? Not a brain surgeon like Ben Carson, just a neighborhood pathologist. But we aren't prima donnas and will work cheap.
  9. Secretary of Education: I went to school for twenty years. And oh yeah, I was a School Board President. Forget it, I am overqualified for this position in your Cabinet.
  10. UN Ambassador: I visited the UN when I was a kid and the tour guide was very nice to me. I want to return the favor.

If you think I would be better at one of the other Cabinet positions, that would be fine with me. Just get me to Washington in time for one of the Inaugural Balls. I promised Barb I would buy her a new dress.

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