Barb and I had free tickets to the local multiplex, one that features small theaters with large reclining chairs and reserved seating. Unfortunately, it is a theater that caters more to the mall type crowd than to empty-nesters, so the selection of films was less than optimal. We settled on Independence Day: Resurrection, the sequel to the 1996 Will Smith blockbuster. We kicked back into our rockers, and overcoming the urge to nap, SPOILER ALERT saw the intrepid citizens of the Planet Earth once more repel those nasty extra-terrestrials, setting the stage for Independence Day: They're Back! in 2036.
So no actual apocalypse this time around. But we have seen plenty of "end of the world as we know it" movies and TV shows. Whether its Mad Max, The Walking Dead, The Stand, The Road, or 10 Cloverfield Lane, we are experts at what to do to prepare for, and then survive, the dark ages that flying saucers, global warming, or nasty viruses might have in store for us. Despite all this good advice I am afraid I would be a terrible flop in the new world ahead.
Some of my inadequacies:
- I have never fired a crossbow. Yeah, maybe I have played around with a bow and arrow in my summer camp days, but I think even those had suction cup tips. And in the cold dark, future only a powerful crossbow is really going to cut it.
- Forget it when it comes to operating a short band radio. Unless survival messages from the powers that be show up on Pandora, I am screwed.
- I am totally unfamiliar with the use of firearms. Apparently this will put me at a distinct disadvantage when dealing with approximately 1/3 of my fellow Americans. So be it.
- I have not stockpiled water, a first aid kit, and other life preserving provisions. This is one thing that even the State of Illinois recommends.There will be plenty of room in the basement of the new places for a few cases of Evian. Governor Rauner, can you send me some emergency supplies, please? Just put in on my tab, I'll pay up when the state does.
- I have never eaten wild game. Or roadkill for that matter. Though I suppose when everyone runs out of fuel there won't be any roadkill anymore. Not even from a Tesla.
- I can't start a fire from two sticks, unless one of them is a match. And even then I find it tricky.
- I am easily suggestible. Nasty space creatures will have no difficulty implanting dangerous ideas and visions in my brain. Who knows, maybe they are already in control of me!
- In medical school they taught me how to use a scalpel, but put a machete in my hands (another weapon of choice in Scary Future World) and I am worthless.
- Scruffy beards don't look good on me.
- I will never vote for Donald Trump. Ever. And isn't he our best bet for keeping out aliens?
A shout out to Rene Paley, the winner of a $25 Amazon Gift Card in our music trivia contest. Nice work Rene. Now don't all the rest of you wish you had entered?
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