The Candidates Speak On Education

steely danAnd I'm never going back...

...to my old school.

Steely Dan-1973

An article in this week's Time Magazine reexamines the concept of starting high school classes later in the day, to better fit the circadian rhythms of teenagers. Scientific data supports the change, but most school districts find it impossible to make the change for financial or cultural reasons. As a past Board of Education President, I can understand the difficulties these school districts face, though I believe at Adlai Stevenson High School, where I spent my Board time, the push of the community would have been to start classes earlier and keep them going later...and I served BEFORE there was such a thing as a Tiger Mom.

As the political climate heats to a boiling point, Downsize-Maybe decided to interview our presidential candidates on the idea of later starting time for high school classes. A highly edited transcript follows:

DS: Senator Rubio, what are your thoughts on school start times?

Marco Rubio: Late starts could never work in Florida. We need our high school students to begin class early and finish by 2 pm so they can go to their restaurant jobs. Don't forget, Early Bird dinners start at 3. We need our youngsters ready to serve! And except for Miami the whole state closes at 9 pm anyway, so the kids should be able to get plenty of sleep.

DS: Governor Christie, we know you are pulling out of the race, but before you leave what do you think? Should New Jersey push back school start times?

Chris Christie:  I have already accomplished that. I just close down the expressways so the kids can't get to school before 10 in the morning. They can get loads of shut eye on the bus.

DS: Governor Bush, should high school children start school later in the day? Governor Bush? GOVERNOR BUSH???

Jeb! Bush: Sorry, I was just dozing off there. And I think sleeping high school students is a problem. You know my sister-in-law Laura was a teacher. She is just one of the fabulous Bush family who strongly support my candidacy for President of the United States of America. Let's seem, there is my father George, he was a President. And my brother George, HE was a President. And my mother Barbara, she  SHOULD have been a President. Now what was your question again?

DS: Senator Sanders, what is your opinion on this important matter.

Bernie Sanders: I have thought about this very very very carefully. The kids all love me. I'll give em all the schooling they need, and all for FREE. Let 'em wake up whenever they want as long as they vote for good old Uncle Bernie.

DS: Governor Kasich, what time should high school classes start?

John Kasich: Let's just all be friends, can we?

DS: Senator Cruz, would you like to weigh in?

I categorically object to the idea that the current President has the right to appoint a new time for high schools to start class. Never in over 200 years of this country has a lame duck President changed school start times. I am not even sure he is the President.

DS: Senator Clinton, early or late school day start?

Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I supported education. When I was a Senator I supported education. When I was Secretary of State I supported education. When I was a woman I supported education. NONE of my opponents have been all those things. And if you don't believe me, just check my email server.

DS: And finally Mr. Trump, do you have any thoughts to add?

Donald Trump: I'll tell you what I am going to do. My first day in office, I am gonna cancel school. Not just for one day, for ten days. We will have a party. It will be huuuuge. And then the whole world will know that America is great again! And oh, don't forget to wake up Governor Bush.

DS: Thank you candidates. You have all been illuminating. I can't wait to vote!

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In other news, good weather means we should be pouring more concrete soon. And American Airlines has stepped up to the plate with some vouchers. Life is good!

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