...and I can be wrong.
Sly and the Family Stone, 1969
Here's to Sly. Remember in 1968 when the Stone family burst on the scene with "Dance to the Music"? I loved that funky sound blasting out of my bedside clock radio. A nice plus for me was the way the song introduced each instrument, with lyrics like "I'm gonna add a little guitar" or "all we need is a drummer". I was a kid who loved listening to music, but had never picked up an instrument, didn't know a saxophone from a xylophone. Finally Sly had a way for me to tell the sound of a lead guitar from a bass. Alas, the song didn't start a trend and on all the other hit music flying around my ears I was left as befuddled as ever. And it never got any better.
So I need an app. Let's call it Buffy. When I am listening to music, I want to tell Buffy "lead guitar" or "snare drum" and have those instruments come to the forefront. I want to be able to say "tuba" and have my next door neighbor's kid's oom-pah-pah come blasting out of the high school band's recording of "God Bless America." Or say "Paul" and have his harmonies separate from John's on "I Want to Hold Your Hand." And imagine what Buffy can do for my up-to-now limited enjoyment of classical music. If I want to learn what part the third violin plays, all I have to do is say "3Vee."
Come to think of it, why not give Buffy more real world use. Want to stream a movie, but only want to see the scenes with the hot babe or the hulky guy? Buffy can handle that easy squeezy. A Tarantino film with only the good parts? Just tell her "Killings." Need to watch a Blackhawks game in a hurry? Say "Awesome" and watch your screen fill with Kaner and Captain Serious. The best use for Buffy? Tune in to a Republican Presidential debates. Ask Buffy for "Sanity." She will turn off your TV.
I guess all I am really asking for is some easy artificial intelligence to be added to our everyday activities. Maybe the app could even help me build the new house. Cancel out all the long delays. Make the right decorating choices. Keep an eye on every penny. Oh wait, I already have an extra-intelligent, non-artifical non-app to do that. And her name is Barb. NOT available at an app store near you!
Got other good uses for this app? Let me know at email@example.com
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