20 signs you're from the northwest side of Chicago

1. You’ve worn a Bears jersey to a wake.

2. When you invite people over to your house for a couple drinks, you usually substitute “garage” for “house.”

3. You’ve been to Teaser’s on Christmas Day.

4. You aren’t prejudiced against people based on their race or ethnicity, just the parish they came from.

5. Most of your favorite local bars and restaurants get two stars or less on Yelp.

6. You still call charcuterie what you’ve always been calling it: liver sausage.

7. You were genuinely upset when you heard Lasko’s closed.


8. No family BBQ is complete without egg n’ onion potato salad from Happy Foods.

happy foods

9. You consider yourself a connoisseur of the city of Chicago, despite the fact that the only el you’ve ever ridden in your life is the Blue Line.

10. You know you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, but you don't know how not to.

11. Even though you’re used to being accused of “not really living in the city,” it still never fails to enrage you.

12. In your house, Rahm Emmanuel is referred to only as “'Da Ballerina.”


13. Your 16-inch softball team’s name is really just a pun about a sexual or excretory function.

14. You compulsively read the obituaries in the Trib.

15. It was only when you went to college that you learned about the existence of white people who aren’t Polish or Irish.

16. You’ve gotten a mean case of Plantar warts at Whealen Pool.

17. Your basement has a built-in bar and a pool table.

18. You’re intimately acquainted with the flight patterns of O’Hare.

19. You’ve fallen asleep in the Susie’s drive-through line.


20. If you walk around your neighborhood, you will see at least ten (10) shrines to the Virgin Mary in people’s backyards, and zero (0) people out jogging.

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