I walk in the door and he calls. Last time we spoke was over a year ago. It’s 2:30 a.m, I’m drunk, and I answer. The fact that I’m drunk is not why I answer. I answer because I’m wearing the dress he bought for my birthday. I think it’s a sign... everything is a sign. Hours earlier, the silky little number hung haggardly on a hanger, completely neglected since the day it was gifted. I know it’s a coincidence, the same day I slip into the dress is the same night he calls me. The only reason my former flame is calling is because he is drunk. He is dialing me, drunk. He just drunk dialed me.
Drunk dialing: The combination of alcohol and cell phones. Two very basic, everyday, norms. Put into the wrong hands and there's trouble! Men and women (regardless of age or maturity) are guilty of this loopy phenomenon. Intoxicated texts, pictures, phone calls, and social media exchanges, are a tipsy turnpikes to dead-end relationships. A casual night out, excusable celebrations, or popular day drinking marathons turn the most poised people into dumb, smart phone abusers. Mature, successful, adult professionals become horny, bad decision-making juveniles. All it takes is a few beers and a few bars of reception. Whether emotionally or physically driven, a push of the keypad and social connections become instant mistakes. When someone drunk dials, the time and/or purpose of contact is irrelevant. So is the outcome.
I can’t help but romanticize a lusty drunk dial. Although, I wonder, what has drunk dialing done to my love life? Seriously. A world without drunk dialing- what would that world be like? Has drinking and technology liberated our social senses? Have “drunk dials” opened or closed communication gaps within interpersonal relationships? Does ease of access make it more acceptable for us to lack self-control? Lastly, is “I was drunk” a valid excuse, more than it used to be?
So many drunk dials, so many questions. It is overwhelming. So overwhelming in fact, it makes me hungry. I would much rather cook and eat a ton of carbs than deal with drunk dialing.
The Super Bowl is Sunday and you know what that means? That means it’s Sunday Funday and a lot of Super Bowl Parties are in the works. Along with a lot of food and a lot of drinking and a lot of dialing.
Instead of drunk dialing an ex or fantasize drunk dials into something they’re not, try to focus on football and food. Like, get drunk and cook chili instead of drinking and dialing. The transitive property makes perfect sense here. Everyone loves chili. It feeds football-sized appetites, it’s easy to serve, and the hearty dish goes well with beer.
Will football, alcohol and chili solve all of life’s problems? No. Will drinking and cell phone use continue to steer good people in bad directions, and displace potential couples from a life of happy togetherness? Who the hell knows. I ponder these questions and try to answer deep thoughts but in the meantime, I'm going to drink and cook.
This weekend we can do other cool things besides bad acts of drunk dialing. Sprawling on the living room floor in our skivvies, inhaling bowls of chili and staring at our phones doesn't count as other cool things... Unless your Super Bowl party stinks and/or you don't understand the thrill of game day commercials. Then I don’t blame you- eat your awesome chili and drunk dial away.
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