Liberals illegally flooding across the Canadian border

I wish that when parodies like this show up in my mailbox that the author's name is included. Unfortunately it isn't with this one, but it's too good not to post. If you happen to know the author, let me know. 

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.  The election of The Donald is prompting a mass exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and live according to conservative ideas about the Constitution.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

canada-border"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota .  “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.  He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them.  He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming.

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into electric cars  and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said.  "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water.  They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though, and some kale chips."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.  Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border.  Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs.  After catching a half- dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50's. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara Streisand c.d.'s, and renting all the Michael Moore movies.  "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said.  "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

No doubt we'll be hearing more about the Handmaid's Tale, the goofy mid-1980s story about women in subjugation in an America run by autocratic, misogynist conservatives.

Read why Americans need to learn about the nation's most ignored war.

Find out what freelance editorial services I can provide for you.

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  • So now you have your president. I hope you're happy.

  • I'm always amazed by all the mind readers out there, especially the ones who think they know whom I voted for. I didn't vote for Trump. If you've been reading me regularly, you'd know that I regard him to be a jerk. Nor would I be happy if Clinton had been elected.

  • In reply to Dennis Byrne:

    You are a Republican. So I think it is fair to assume you that you support him with all the enthusiasm of your party leaders.

  • fb_avatar
    In reply to Aquinas wired:

    Wrong. You didn't even notice that all of the Bushes BOYCOTTED the RNC because of Trump? You never heard about all the old-guard Republicans that were very upset Trump was nominated?

  • BTW, by running this so-called parody, you seem to be rubbing it in. You forget what one of Trump's most prominent critics said. It's better to build bridges than walls. Trump, of course, mocked him.

  • In reply to Aquinas wired:

    Not as disrespectful as the people out protesting, who can't accept the election results. Or the thugs that beat up this guy:
    http://www.chicagonow.com/dennis-byrnes-barbershop/2016/11/why-is-this-not-being-called-a-hate-crime/

  • In reply to Dennis Byrne:

    Funny, we never heard you protest the violence by Trump thugs or at Trump rallies. But now that Trump opponents have committed violence against a Trump supporter you seek vengeance by falsely labeling it a hate crime. Walls or bridges?

  • In reply to jnorto:

    If it was four white thugs beating up a black man are you naive enough to think it wouldn't be called a hate crime?

    To repeat: I'm not a Trump supporter. I do not support violence committed against anyone, because of their race, political beliefs and so forth. I suppose I have to say the obvious because you've decided that I'm one of the "deplorables." Where's your bridge?

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