Nine goofiest conspiracy theories about Osama bin Laden's alleged death

Well, that caps it: President Barack Obama's refusal to release the pictures of the dead Osama bin Laden proves that....well, it's hard to summarize the nutty conspiracy theories that started taking hold the second that it was disclosed that his body was dumped into the sea. Here are nine of my favorite moronic theories:

Thumbnail image for obl.jpg

( AP photo / October 7, 2001 ) Osama bin Laden is seen at an undisclosed location on a television broadcast in which he praised God for the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and swore America "will never dream of security" until "the infidel's armies leave the land of Muhammad".

9.  He was killed on exactly the eighth anniversary of George W. Bush's infamous "Mission Accomplished" speech, in which he announced the end of major combat in Iraq. For the life of me, I don't know why this coincidence carries with it some hint of a conspiracy. But the folks at "The Nation" and "HuffingtonPost" think that it is noteworthy. I guess it means that Obama conspired with Bush to bring about some kind of closure. Maybe we also should add that 9/11 happened eight months after Bill Clinton's term as president ended. There's something about "eight" that needs closer examination.

 

8. Osama bin Laden was never in his suburban Islamabad fortress. This seems more popular in the Middle East where opinion seems to be that bin Laden would never be so stupid as to try hide out in plain sight. "They're just making it up. Nobody has seen the body, said Owais Khan, a localite.

 

7. The Americans killed the wrong guy. The DNA shows that it wasn't bin Laden that was killed, but the Americans are covering up the fact. The Americans don't want to suffer the embarrassment of the bungled attempt to rescue the Iranian hostages under President Jimmy Carter.

 

6. He's not really dead; the raid was faked just like the Americans faked landing on the Moon. Or like the movie "Wag the Dog." Said anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan on Facebook: "I am sorry, but if you believe the newest death of OBL, you're stupid. Just think to yourself - they paraded Saddam's dead sons around to prove they were dead - why do you suppose they hastily buried this version of OBL at sea?"

 

5. All right, so maybe he's dead, but the whole thing was done to give Obama political cover for drawing down U.S. troops in Afghanistan. Based on the assumption that we can all breathe easier now that bin Laden is kaput.

 

4. This is related to Number 5 above: To give Obama a political victory to ensure insure his re-election. Supporting evidence for this theory is the fact that Obama's announcement of bin Laden's death overshadowed Donald Trump's realty show, Celebrity Apprentice. Trump sprang to favored Republican presidential candidate after he made a stink claiming that Obama was not an American citizen.

 

3. He was killed or died from an illness a long time ago, but his body was frozen for use for whenever it was useful for Obama or the Americans. In the meantime, America kept releasing fake tapes of him to justify the war on terror. This seems especially popular on Twitter.

 

2. Bin Laden had been collaborating with Washington all along. In my wildest fantasy, I can't begin to imagine such a partnership. Maybe it goes along with the conspiracy theorists who have claimed the 9/11 attacks were actually planned and executed by Bush. Or someone.

 

1. Osama bin Laden never existed in the first place. He was an American invention, designed to justify all the bad stuff that the United States has done to Middle East nations and Muslims. The fictional character was part of a plan to turn oil-rich Middle East counties into an American dependency.

 

But, here's the absolute best from a Tweeter called JustCallMeDay:  "Osama Bin Laden has 13 letters in his name. Barack Obama recently watched Friday da 13th. Friday was 3 days ago.3+13= sweet 16." That's parody, folks.

 

These examples were gleaned from assorted Internet searches. Here are some:

http://www.foreignaffairs.com/articles/67827/matthew-gray/the-bin-laden-conspiracy-theories

 

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704740604576301113236554064.html?

 

http://blogs.wsj.com/emergingeurope/2011/05/03/advisor-to-czech-president-believes-bin-laden-was-fabrication-911-a-conspiracy/?KEYWORDS=bin+laden+conspiracy

On Twitter, look at #conspiracy

Comments

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  • 4. To give Obama a political victory to "insure" his re-election.

    The word is "ensure." He's not taking out a policy. Idiot blogger!

  • In reply to CalvinScott:

    I like to gloat when I find typos too, but that was just rude.

  • In reply to VelvetMinxx:

    That's not a typo; that's using the wrong word.

  • In reply to VelvetMinxx:

    Why wasn't Bin Laden captured? He could have told of the new plans on terrorism he was busy working on.

    Does anyone recall when Bin Laden was on dialysis several years ago, when we had him hopping from cave to cave?

    Why did Obama come out a claim victory, but sent his press people out to explain what happened?

    Why did Bin Laden choose 911? Did he choose 911 because we know that when danger is all about, shout out, "Dial 911!"

    Why are American's suppose to be on higher alert now that Bin Laden has been killed? Don't people know that the terrorists are busy watching their own asses now?

    Why are we killing in Libya, when we have no problem with Libya that would justify killing?

    Why aren't we telling OPEC, knock off terrorizing our country, or we will start bombing you too. I don't think they would have a hard time believing that we are capable of it. After all, we have 3 countries we are involved with. The World should be questioning us on who's next.

    Why did corporations who like being called American corporations abandoned us for other countries?

    Lots of un-answered questions, but at least we know we did get Bin Laden. Naive thinking I suppose because I thought that was the reason we invaded two countries and it would all be over after we got the bad person responsible for every terrorist attack he did against us.

    I don't think we would have had a drastic change in America, if we would have gotten Bin Laden within the first four years. There were to many American's still questioning the actions of our leaders.

    Now, most American's are worn down and will accept whatever is told to us.

  • In reply to BrentStone:

    "American's" what? That's a possessive, not a plural. Instead of making up a bunch of questions and then saying that they are unanswered, why not get some "learning" {intentional] first? But I guess that is the Internet.

    While you concede he is dead, there would be no logical reason for the U.S. to say that Bin Laden is dead if he weren't {proper subjunctive mood]. Then he would have to appear to say that he isn't, in which case we would track him down. From what was reported yesterday, the Taliban [a href="http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000026.htm">collective noun], in vowing revenge, seems to think he is dead.

    There might be reasons to say that he was dead before, but no proof of that. They were smuggling out videos of someone, and I guess his 5th wife with a bullet in her leg would know something about that. Unless she is fictional, too.

    I still stand behind what I said about 90% of people on Internet comment boards, although it seems like fewer have come out this time. Yesterday's Tribune editorial had its first about 15 hours after it was put on line.

  • In reply to jack:

    Sorry, one of the tags wasn't embedded. You get the point, though.

  • In reply to jack:

    jack, appreciate correctly my writing, because I really didn't the the right way to write American's. It would have been nice if you would have given me an example how it should have been written. Exp.: Americans or Americans', because what you have corrected, hasn't helped.

    I know you are a really smart guy, but why couldn't you at least answered one of my questions?

    I appreciate your willingness to chime in on the internet, because I know it does frustrate you, knowing 90% of people on the internet aren't knowledgeable, like yourself. Once again, would have been nice to give me the correct spelling on American's, or answered one of my questions.

    As for believing everything you are told, did you believe the reason for invading Iraq? You remember how Colin Powell went on t.v. and showed a picture of nothing identifiable and said it was a mobile chemical lab?

    Yes, Powell's credibility dropped at that point and he later left the administration.

    Do you remember all of the evidence of the importing of yellow cake into Iraq, and later saying it was our intelligence community that got it all wrong?

    Our intelligence community got it right, our administration changed it, and blamed it on our intelligence community, which opened a need to have a one stop shop of intelligence sharing, which hasn't been successful.

    Air port security, and body scans. That came out a few years later to keep everyone safer. The scans would not be saved when it was first announced, but now they are saved. What for? Because people like to save useless information.

    Where is the 5th wife with the bullet in leg? Do you really think a unit of the finest assault team would be that far off their target, or was that a warning shot?

    Jack, it appears you don't know Jack!

  • In reply to BrentStone:

    If you want me to research all that for you, my rate is $50 per hour. If you are interested in sending it, in advance, please let me know.

    That apparently, is the correct response to you. As indicated by the birther/deather debate today, nothing is going to satisfy you, anyway. Maybe Pakistan will admit you and you can interview the 5th wife personally.

    I'll admit that all was not truth and roses in previous administrations. However, stuff does eventually get out. I'm sure all your assertions about yellow cake (you left out centrifuges) are based on your personal knowledge. Sure.

    Don't expect those on the Internet, who you don't know, to do your legwork for you, WTM or WTF.

  • In reply to jack:

    jack, it was nice of you to take your time to correct American's, and especially at no cost for the rest of us, who may have overlooked it.

    You bring up a good point about Pakistan, and the 5th wife being there. Why is she there? Maybe should could at least identify some of the folks who use to come over and visit bin Laden. Don't you think?

    Oh yes, those darn centrifuges. You aren't one of those people who think all the weapons of mass destruction were shipped out of Irag, before we invaded, are you?

    jack, you seem to have not liked our previous administration. Do you like the new changes? Close down Gitmo. Get out of Iraq? Etc., Etc..

    Sure it's just political propaganda politicians say to become elected, and once elected, they change because the next job of being a politician is getting re-elected.

    jack, if you ever expect to get off the unemployment rolls, you will need to drop your 50 dollars per hour charge. There are many people who will be glad to do it for 10 dollars an hour.

    Jack, you still don't know Jack!

  • In reply to BrentStone:

    You show how stupid you are when you assume I am on the unemployment rolls. I said my rate was $50 an hour. Unemployment doesn't pay that.

    However, apparently you have enough free time to type frequent question marks and saying that someone else doesn't know Jack when you certainly don't know who is on the other side of this keyboard.

    I suppose you can find psychiatric help for $10 an hour, too. Lucy Van Pelt charges 5 cents. You get what you pay for.

    My only point, which you just reinforced, is that you don't know what you don't know either, WTF.

  • In reply to jack:

    ack, I know you are on unemployment because if you weren't you wouldn't be soliciting your 50 dollar per hour charge.

    I'm getting the sense from your ramblings that you are suffering from the painful, swollen veings in the lower portion of your rectum, otherwise known as hemorrhoids.

    Spend a little time searching the internet for relief from your own pain in your ass.

    If you can get any relief, let me know and I will recommend a few products to you.

  • In reply to jack:

    THE CIA IS SUPPRESSING THIS WITH THE

  • In reply to jack:

    My name is Aaron and I

  • In reply to aaronmfleszar:

    www.FindCounseling.com
    www.chicagopsychiatryassociates.org
    www.wellness.com/find/psychiatrist/il/chicago

  • In reply to aaronmfleszar:

    My name is Aaron and I

  • In reply to aaronmfleszar:

    Yes, but how do you connect the dots between Willow Palin and Warwick Davis from the film Willow? And what does that
    link tell us about Obamacare?

  • In reply to aaronmfleszar:

    WANT PROOF THAT THE DEATH OF OSAMA BIN LADEN IS A CONSPIRACY?

    Scam artists have cornered the market on affiliate marketing education. Their sites use aliases, bogus whois info, and registrations in different states and countries. What are they hiding?

    After many years researching, a link appeared on Armand Morin

  • In reply to BrentStone:

    Ah, yes. Cable TV and the Internet - two of the best and yet worst inventions of the last century!

  • In reply to WByrne:

    True. We would still have to go to XXX theaters in the Loop without them.

  • In reply to VelvetMinxx:

    Insure = what J. Lo did to her ass

    Ensure = what Hugh Hefner drinks to keep up with so much ass

  • In reply to VelvetMinxx:

    Here's another kooky theory on bin Laden's death:
    "I credit the Reagan tax cuts."

    It's bound to come up on Fox News again soon anyway.

  • #9 should've been #8. just because.

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