The Bachelor Pad made it’s ugly debut on Monday night on ABC. Bachelor Pad is the filthy plaque that sits between The Bachelor and Dancing With The Stars, it is filler, filled with the losers from past seasons of the Bachelor brand. It makes The Glass House look good, and that ain't easy.
The premise of the show, besides to give attention starved 20 something’s an extension on their pseudo 15 minutes of fame, is an elimination dating game, where the players have a chance at love and split 250k at the end of the show. It’s the last two spray tanned, faked boobed, tattooed, belly button pierced, couple standing at the end, wins.
Let’s get something clear, to get on the Bachelor or the Bachelorette you have to apply to be on the show. You don’t have to have a talent, a degree of intelligence, special skill or an education, you apply. You are interviewed by producers over and over and over and if they like you, you are on the show. It does help if you can drink a lot and have a huge chest (boys and girls).
On this season, the Bachelor Pad has added a “never before seen twist.” The cast isn’t only made of up the fecal droppings from seasons past, but they have added fans of the show to the cast to compete.
For some reason, in the debut episode, the addition of the “fans,” has the losers, upset. As Erika from Ben’s season put it, "it’s like having the help mixing in with us."
The help? They are the help! At this moment Ulta has plenty of openings for counter girls, because they are all on the Bachelor Pad! These cast members are people who were so love sick and attention starved, they went on national TV to find love. That’s as smart as going into Manny’s Deli looking for a low calorie meal.
To be on the Bachelor or Bachelorette, you have to first be a fan. Who are these people to think that they are better than the fans of the show. Every dude, on the most recent episode wanted to be on the show to get a shot at “mother of the year,” Emily. They were, fans.
Some of the “losers” were dropped from their episodes in the early episodes of their season, while others made it all the way, like Chicago native, Ed. Within 30 minutes of the start of the show, Ed was drunk, naked and burping on national TV. You can see most of that any given weekend in Chicago.
None of them are “reality stars.” Let’s all agree to drop that word from the English language, there is no such thing as a reality star. Reality makes the infamous, famous, but not a single person in the history of traditional reality is a star.
The talent shows exempt. Not one Chopper Builder, Ax Man, Ice Road Trucker, Hair Stylist, Tree Chopper, is a star. That is a smack in the face of Richard Burton, Charlie Chaplin, Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Channing Tatum and even Eve Mendez. Real, honest to goodness actors or "stars."
I am going to go out on a limb and say that every time Tom Cruise introduces himself, he doesn't need to say, "I'm Tom, from Mission Impossible and Risky Business," he's a star, people know who he is. Unlike the reality folk, who have to carry the name of their show and even episode for people to recognize them, "Jen from the Bachelor," or "Nyanza from Starting Over." Not stars.
Even the Ax Men have some sort of talent that makes them a living, they are never going to draw 150 million in a weekend, but they have a skill. On the Bachelor Pad, they have none, they look good and have the ability to cause drama. This does not make you a star.
When I was 14, my parents got cable, the “naughty” channels had a scrambled signal and every once in a while, for a split second, I would get to see a boob. That was a better use of my time, than watching another episode of The Bachelor Pad.
The show needs to go away and the cast members need to return to their jobs as assistant managers at cell phone stores and find love and fame the old fashioned way, on the internet.