Last year, I wrote a post called "The Downers Grove Christmas Tree Is Rubbish" which got me some attention here in town, led to my first paid writing gig and a profile of my blog in TribLocal, and garnered me riches and fame beyond my wildest dreams. Well, two out of three ain't bad.
I thought I should carry on with the tradition and say something equally inflammatory about this year's tree. I'm not nearly as famous as I need to be, so I figured that I had take it up a notch or five. So for the 2011 edition, I will say that The Downers Grove Christmas Tree Is...RACIST! Whaaaaat? Shut your mouth! Oh no you di-int.
|Mrs. Claus or...Mrs. Butterworth?
|The white face isn't fooling anyone.|
OK, so maybe I'm painting Mrs. Butterworth with the same brush as Aunt Jemima. Is Mrs. Butterworth as racist an image as Aunt Jemima? Is Mrs. Butterworth even black?
So I Googled it and found a blog called Yo, Is This Racist? I can't find anything on the site about the person running it, but I'm willing to accept him/her as the final arbiter of what is racist...I mean, he's got a blog right? And a submission box labeled "Yo, Ask Me If Something Is Racist". And when someone named Anonymous asked if the Mrs. Butterworth bottle was racist, he/she answered as follows:
"Holy shit, yo, that shit is astoundingly racist"
Dude, he said "shit" twice. Case almost closed. I have one more photo to submit into evidence, but first some-not-nearly-as-offensive-as-racism-but-still-offensive ornaments:
|Cyclopean gingerbread man
with a scrotal piercing
|Special needs parents could have supplied
enough materials for a treeful of these.
|I'd like to think that I had something to do
with the abundance of plastic wrap this year.
|Poor Mr. Bill.|
|Owen does not read my blog or he would
know that old AOL CD's with a couple of
Christmas stickers do not decor make.
|I swear it was not me that pulled
back the tin foil on this one.
|My annual dough-based-ornament-gone-bad
And finally EXHIBIT B proving definitively that the Downers Grove Christmas tree is racist:
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