Teachable moments are all around me now. With every situation, circumstance and happenstance there is something that I can teach my infant son, Vlad, the Impaler.
I'm work shopping the nickname right now, what do you think? To early for world dominance?
There was a teachable moment a few weeks ago when I smarted off to a state trooper that was writing me a speeding ticket. He was in the backseat watching with his mother while I ran right up to the line and stopped without crossing it. What the boy can take away from that scene is a lack of respect for the police or authority. Or, a lack of respect for women, the super nice trooper was a woman, and a lieutenant! Probably not the path to send him down but I was for the moment and not thinking of the life of crime Vlad was now staring down. Still yet I could have taught him how not to operate a motor vehicle on the tollway. So much information for the soft spot on top of his head to process.
It's an adjustment now knowing that I am being studied, copied and evaluated at all times. I know that I have to guide this little man and try to keep him from getting into trouble, and it's never to early to start telling him what to do, and what NOT to do with women. Mostly what not to do because that's the only way I learned, through failure. Don't ask me what women want, but I know what they don't want.
The other morning the Impaler woke up really super nice and early. Mom scooped him up and fed him then brought him into the bedroom with me. By now I was hearing the noise and started to stir, that horrible land between sleep and non sleep, made even worse by the activities the night before.
"Here, take him. I'm going to jump in the shower".
With that I was left to entertain the boy. He was in a pretty good mood, laughing and what not. He and I swapped stories about the night before, he filled me in on a lot. But, like a good bro, he didn't embellish and stopped talking once mom came back into the room.
I was sitting on the bed holding him chest to chest, mom walked in the room doing her Miley Cyrus impression, sans peach colored rubber diaper and matching bra. In she strolled, in the buff. The boy started looking around trying to sneak a peek and once he did he let out an audible and undeniable laugh.
"Did he just laugh at you?", I wasn't sure. Having no contacts in it's tough to even see that far.
"Yes, he sure did. Didn't you you little turd?"
"Son, don't ever laugh at a naked woman. Ever. You're lucky you're so small, cute and it's your mother. Otherwise you'd be lucky to escape with your life. Your balls will be forfeit of course."
I'm glad that I am able to guide my newest bro down life's path with such pearls. The list of what not to say or do to a woman is infinite, but #1 is;
Never laugh at a woman when she is naked.