4 Weird Things About Pregnancy

Why only 4 things?  Because everyone does top 5 lists and I SET the trends!!  Obviously this is from a man's perspective and I am convinced that most things pregnant women do are weird.  There are infinitely more than 4 things and I reserve the right to add to the list at any time.  This is only what I have picked up on so far, 17 weeks into my wife's first pregnancy.

1.  She didn't have morning sickness - Ever.  I think there was a time or two that she sent me an email from work complaining that her tummy was upset, but that has happened dozens of time over the years and it was usually due to more than one mocha-latte with extra whipped cream.  For a while she was worried that something might be wrong but the universal answer she got from all moms was "enjoy it".

2.  The clothing - To this point my wife has resisted all maternity clothes, she doesn't really need them but why wait?  She has the next 6 years already planned out but is winging it with the prego clothes.  Go figure.  What she has done is buy this black elastic stretchy band that allows her to wear her normal pants a couple weeks longer.  It's not a girdle but it goes around the waist and covers the top of her pants and allows her to not button or zip them and they still won't fall down.  She is going to kill me if her co-workers read that one.  I haven't even scratched the surface with the odd clothes I know.  Aren't there leak proof pads for the bra or something?  Weird.

3.  She has mellowed out - When I told my boys that the wife was pregnant they all warned me about the crazy that was coming.  They filled my head with horror stories of their wives freaking out, crying for no reason, become completely irrational, and a penchant for crappy music.  My wife has bucked that trend too, except for the crappy music, she listens to either country or Serbian music, it all sucks.  In my opinion she has become a pleasure to deal with,  bickering and fighting are down a solid 86.7 % this quarter and it has been glorious.

4.  Pregnancy pictures - Still don't understand this one.  Why the desire to take nude photos of yourself and show them to people when any time I brought it up in the past I was smacked and had the camera snatched away?  I know there are many that believe they are beautiful and maybe they are, but I know that we only have on wedding picture up in our house and that was on the day that she had a beauty team working on her like a pit crew.  What is going to happen when she doesn't like the pictures?  Or when we have another kid, more pictures of her?  Nope pictures of the kids.  To me it's a colossal waste of money and I'm surprised she doesn't feel the same, cheap as she is.

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  • Hahahahahahahahaha! So naive. Just you wait ;)

  • I am! It's horrible not knowing if it's coming. If I may quote the great Steven Segal from his Oscar worthy film Above the Law; "Anticipation of death is worse than death itself" This must be what he meant.

  • You know what else is weird about pregnancy? When some random co-ed from the DePaul calls you out of the blue and asks if you remember who she is and whether you remember the night you spent in her dorm room when you allegedly took part in primitive and passionate love-making together...to which you answer no, but you probably did because her voice sounds eerily familiar...then all of a sudden she tells you she's pregnant and wants you to come in to get a paternity test, to which you respond - listen floozy, I've taken a paternity test before and past, so there's no need for me to take another one - and then you hang up the phone and change your number.

  • I enjoyed this. My wife is 8 months pregnant with our first and many of the things you mentioned run parallel to us. Good luck!

  • In reply to radstarr:

    Thanks a lot bud.

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