Call Your Friends! The First Reverend's Rant of 2013!

Call Your Friends! The First Reverend's Rant of 2013!

Because he must rant. Because he lives to rant. Because ranting is to the Reverend as booze is to the alcoholic. It is the fuel that wakes him in the morning and drives him through rush hour traffic.

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  • The rant didn't come up for me but my computer is close to a second generation Commodore 64. Just to make sure I'm still on target for my quota, Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck!

  • In reply to CanadaBear:

    The C 64. Life was simpler, games were better.

  • Sigh!

  • In reply to CanadaBear:

    (sniff!)

  • Back when game play, not eye candy, was the order of the day. Oh woe, getting old is hard sometimes.

  • In reply to CanadaBear:

    Is your browser outdated or not updated?

  • Nice rant to start it off.

    When it comes down to it there are just too many people sucking off of the teat of the NFL. It makes too much money and therefore the madness is out of hand.

    We've got a 24hr news cycle and now we have a 24yr content cycle for the NFL and the Bears.

    That means we get fucking idiots, bloggers, columnists, columnists relegated to vlogs, beat writers, national correspondents, color analysts, ex players, ex coaches, ex GM's, ex player personnel men, fantasy football nerds, gambling guru's and city workers all trying to create that next soundbite, tidbit, nugget or talking point to keep driving ad revenue, marketing dollars and renewed interest in a particular show, article, interview, etc.

    Then you throw in twitter.

    It's gotten pretty bad

  • Rant finally came through. I liked the crack about Hank Jr and his crackpot opinions.

  • The wonder of Twitter has, of course, made it all better.

  • And don't even get me started on the NFL trying to create and expand the biggest gambling franchise, revenue stream of all time.

    When the league is making team show fantasy football stats at the particular game you are at, making teams show NFL redzone on jumbotrons, sponsoring the shit out of fantasy football (read:gambling on football) by having hours and hours of content on nfl.com and nfl network devoted to fantasy (read:gambling), you know it's out of hand.

  • About a month ago I was jonesing for some football news, so I turned on NFL Network. They were just starting a long segment on....Tebow. So I flipped over to NFL Live on the four letter network and they were in a long segment on....Tebow. FUCK ME! At least I can listen to Bears pre- and post game shows on my phone.

  • It's good to finally see a writer actually recognize the Bears and their potential http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/9641227/t

    11. Chicago Bears
    It's time for my annual "I know I discounted you in my over/under podcast with Cousin Sal, but I thought about it some more and now I think you're gonna be good" flip-flop pick! They went 10-6 last season with a battered offensive line and no offensive identity whatsoever beyond, "Hey, Jay, throw it to Brandon." Now it looks like the Bears fixed their blocking issues, and I love everything I'm reading about Marc Trestman — if he gets Jay Cutler and Matt Forte going, and Cutler can shed his QBPTSD issues after three years of pummelings (this photo spread is incredible), you'd have to throw Chicago into that six-team circle of "Teams That Can Win The Super Bowl."

    The photo link he mentions is entertaining yet scary: http://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/The-312/August-2013/Cutler-Sack/

  • In reply to NY Bears Fan:

    nice photo spread... it appears Jay is yelling "FUCK" in each pic.

  • In reply to bearfantillend:

    Makes you wonder though .... what effect all of that had on Jay's mind and approach tot he game.

    Find out in about 8 hours

    (jumping up and down)
    YES !! FOOTBALL'S BACK!!! YEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!

  • In reply to NY Bears Fan:

    That's what I've been trying to tell you guys. 10-6 and 11-5 are pussy predictions. I'm still optimistic for an undefeated season but hey, I'll concede to a 14-2 or 15-1 regular season record for some of you momma's boys if it makes you feel more comfortable. He he!

    That is all.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Especially all those fags (NTTAWWT) at the Tribune - only Rosendoom picked them to make the playoffs, but only as a flaccid attempt to be condescending to Bears fans.

  • fb_avatar
    In reply to TracDaddy:

    I did not know sweetness came out of his grave and put on a Bears jersey, look we will be 12-4 at the most not 15-1.

  • Nice rant, Rev. This means football REALLY is happening tomorrow. The only thing missing from the rant is the rest of Dabearsblog weekend show, and where are the picks? Come on, Blogfader.

  • In reply to ben in norcal:

    Bears 38, Bungles 14.

  • I wish the Rev would have unleashed on the Chicago Tribune.

    Did anybody else SEE THE MOTHERFUCKING Friday Bears section?

    Holy shit. Here's the damn title. No, I am NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP.

    -- Bears 2013 --
    It could be a long season.

    Really? Really, Trib? Wow, well - I guess nobody can accuse YOU of doing any bandwagoning. But Christ on a corn dog stick (Jesus Pop) maybe you could show SOME SEMBLANCE OF SUPPORT FOR THE NEW REGIME? Like, maybe a LITTLE?

    Fuck you Haugh and Biggsy. Next time I see Biggsy at Bourbonaiise or something I am throwing a White Castle Crave Case at his head for Friday's section.

    Look, we're not saying you HAVE TO BE FANS. You are reporters. Sorta. Just try and be a little positive PRIOR TO there being anything to be negative ABOUT, MMMM KAAY?

    Shit. That was some awful. I bummed the Sports section off a guy on the train and was IMMEDIATELY REMINDED of why I do not buy the Tribune. Shit reporting, towing the Capitalist Shill line, I can read the WSJ for that - oh and way to refuse to cover the Snowden story or the revelations about how All Our Base belong to NSA.

    Fuck the Trib and the motherFUCKING hate for the TEAM. You hate the McCaskey family because they stonewall you? Well we don't like them either but maybe if you didn't CONSTANTLY CRUSH the team and bet against them all the time, there might be some detente and we could get some stories written.

    Fuck. The. Trib.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    lol, i got banned after I read that and watched the Rosenbloom vlog. I couldn't take it anymore. I really don't want to reproduce what I said but in short I attacked their moral character, their professionalism, their skill, their laziness in reporting, their lazy use of cliches from 2009, their willingness to pander to the lowest common denominator, their fat wives, their ugly kids, their pussy demeanor, their defeatist cowardly pessimism, etc. Then add about 100 of the best curse word combinations of all time and sprinklings of wishing they would die of various maladies, accidents etc.

  • my finest work, my opus.

  • I, for one, would really like to read that.

  • Seconded...

  • In reply to tobijohn:

    Thirded...

  • In reply to Cormonster:

    Fucking post it.

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    Yeah, just do it.

  • By the way, is "vlog" some sort of video thing, or is that short for "vagina log"?

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    haha, it's Rosenbloom's video posts. He's such a dbag that his piece is called "Deal With It". He knows he's being a douche but he's so desparate to hold onto the income that he embraces the role and doesn't care how illogical or lazy his work is. It's his schtick on the Trib/Score site.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    A long season of long days for teams that try to handle our shit but fail.

  • Happy Christmas Eve! Giggity Giggity. I'm damn near giddy with excitement here.

    Remember last year fellas. Our Defense in particular. We were a scoring machine on defense. We finished 10-6 because of offensive ineptitude.

    Remember 2010 fellas. We went to the NFC championship game even though over the last three years, Cutler is the second most sacked man in sports.

    Remember Tamba Bay in, what was it, 2001? Years of defensive studliness finally complemented with a viable offensive thanks to the firing of Lovie Part I (Dungy) and hiring of an offensive guru in Gruden. Once that team was given an offense... Lombardi time.

    If our defense plays at anywhere near the level they did last year, or the last 10 years really, and our offense improves, say 10 notches in the rankings category, we could easily be the team that wins it all. I'm not sure our D is as good as the TB defenses of 2001 but it's damn good and I think our offense will be vastly improved. Not to mention, we get Hester as an actual returner this year. Minnesota's shit. Detroit is Detroit. And Green Bay, improved running game notwithstanding, is primed to take a step back this year. It all comes down to health, but I think we have a realistic shot at 12-4 at a minimum and to seriously contend for a title. The ride begins tomorrow. I can't fucking wait.

    The Kool Aid is delicious.

    FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Didn't we go 10-6 in '84? Team-on-the-verge mumblings in the press ...

  • +1 rev for pleading to both Yaweh AND Hare Khrishna.

    Hareharehare...

  • Re-posting because of all the "pregame analysis" saturation out there, I find Evan Silva's pregame breakdowns the most in-depth even though FF-based (Bowen does a good job too).

    "Cincinnati @ Chicago

    New Bears coach Marc Trestman is a believer in a precision passing game with timing, rhythm, anticipation, and a trigger man who releases the football as soon as he hits his back foot. Since Jay Cutler's Denver days, he's been a streetballer with tendencies to hold onto the ball too long, lock onto targets, and wait for receivers to come open before pulling the trigger. Cutler showed tangible signs of preseason improvement, finishing August 22-of-34 (64.7%) for 236 yards and two touchdowns. Cutler was intercepted twice. One pick was bad, forcing it to Brandon Marshall in double coverage. The other occurred when Alshon Jeffery either quit on his slant route or simply ran the wrong pattern. This new Chicago offense -- with a line that starts two rookies on the right side in RG Kyle Long and RT Jordan Mills -- is in for a major test against Cincinnati's arguably league-best defensive front. I'd treat Cutler as a pretty clear-cut QB2 in the opener, and if he plays well in the difficult matchup, consider elevating him to low-end QB1 status for Week 2 against the Vikings. ... If Dez Bryant was the single most impressive player of the 2013 preseason, Matt Forte wasn't far off. The centerpiece of Trestman's attack, Forte is going to be in space this season more often than ever before. He finished exhibition action with two touchdowns and a 9.9(!) yards-per-carry clip. You may have drafted Forte as an RB2, but he has a chance to score like an RB1.

    There's no reason to think the new offense will negatively impact Marshall's production, primarily because Trestman is an ardent believer in the passing game and will call pass plays in bunches. Expect Marshall to get the better of Sunday's matchup with Bengals RCB Leon Hall. ... Jeffery is a different player entering his second NFL year. He is toned up physically and an outstanding fit for Trestman's scheme as a 6-foot-3, 215-pound West Coast wideout. Jeffery was a bigger part of Chicago's preseason passing offense than Martellus Bennett, and may emerge as the No. 3 option behind Marshall and Forte, which could vault Jeffery into WR2 fantasy territory. I like his Week 1 coverage draw against 35-year-old Bengals LCB Terence Newman. ... Bennett's value is touch and go. He was targeted only three times among 62 preseason snaps, dropping two and securing the third for a 16-yard gain. Bennett is an outstanding blocker, and may get stuck on the line helping Mills block Bengals edge-bending LE Carlos Dunlap for long stretches in Week 1. Bennett can still be a 2013 fantasy factor, but I wouldn't want to lean on him in Sunday's opener.

    The Bengals are one of many NFL teams planning to play fast-tempo 2013 offense, upping its use of huddle-less formations and increasing plays from scrimmage. This is good news for fantasy players because more snaps equal more touches, and more touches can equal more yards and touchdowns. Versatile, quick-footed "space" back Giovani Bernard is also a much better fit for Cincy's revised approach than plodding two-down banger BenJarvus Green-Ellis. I think Bernard will usurp Law Firm as the Bengals' leader in touches as soon as Week 1. The Bears are loaded defensively and this is not an ideal matchup, of course, but Bernard should open the season as an every-week RB2/flex. It's worth noting the rookie scored three one-yard touchdowns in preseason, whereas Green-Ellis did not find pay dirt. The Bengals won't hesitate to leave Gio in the game in scoring position when they're playing no-huddle offense without substitutes. ... Tyler Eifert has a chance to develop into a top-five tight end when Jermaine Gresham's rookie deal expires (2015), but until then the logical guess is Cincinnati's tight end duo will offset each other's production, rendering both Eifert and Gresham week-to-week rolls of the low-end TE1 dice. I do expect Eifert to out-produce Gresham by season's end, but the situation is not a sound fantasy investment.

    The Bears return 3-of-4 up-front starters and all four secondary first-teamers from a defense that ranked top-eight in passing touchdowns allowed, yards-per-pass-attempt permitted, and sacks in 2012. At Soldier Field, Chicago's pass defense is a highly imposing foe for talent-deficient Andy Dalton and a Bengals offense minus stalwart LT Andrew Whitworth (knee). Julius Peppers plays on Whitworth's side. Dalton had better get the ball out quick. The Bears are a recommended fantasy-defense play, and Dalton is a low-end QB2. ... Bengals OC Jay Gruden is a schemer and game planner, and smart enough to know his offense is entering a disadvantageous scenario. It's why I wouldn't be surprised if quick-hitting dump-off valve Bernard led Cincy in Week 1 receptions. Start A.J. Green, but temper expectations in his likely shadow matchup with Bears CB Charles Tillman. "Peanut" limited Calvin Johnson to lines of 3-34-0 and 5-72-0 in their two 2012 matchups. ... The Bengals used Brandon Tate and Armon Binns in a No. 2 receiver rotation opposite Green to open last season. It's not insane to think they'll do the same with Mohamed Sanu and Marvin Jones against the Bears. Sanu will play the most snaps, but is competing for targets with Eifert, Gresham, and perhaps Jones behind Green and Gio. This isn't a recipe for reliable fantasy stats.

    Score Prediction: Bears 21, Bengals 17"

    http://www.rotoworld.com/articles/nfl/44114/179/matchups-kapn-obvious?pg=2

  • Seriously, no one has posted this yet? I rarely use bold, and TWO bolds in one thread is unheard of, but I gots to.

    Angelo Scouting Report of Smoking Jay

    "Jay Cutler – He has all the physical tools. His arm strength, release and precise passes make him dangerous from anywhere on the field. He moves well and throws well on the run, an area that can be cultivated like his days in Denver.

    But his numbers and most QB rankings are pedestrian, given his talent. The question is why?

    Part of the problem, he's going on his fourth coordinator since arriving in Chicago. Continuity is important to every player, particularly those at his position.

    From his standpoint, two issues stand out to me.

    First he needs to distribute the ball consistently to his secondary receivers. His penchant to have a favorite receiver is understandable but not at the expense of ignoring the others. To put up big numbers, you have to keep defenses on their heels and off balance. Make them guess or cheat and when they do, you make them pay.

    The way to do it is force them to defend the whole field, not half of it. Make them defend every level and every zone. You do this by spreading the ball to all your weapons.

    You force defenses to respect those weapons by going to them.

    All the elite quarterbacks create receivers.

    The second concern ties into the first; his lack of consistency and production in the red zone. It’s not all on Cutler, but it’s where the top quarterbacks distinguish themselves. The Bears were tied for 22nd in offense when they got down there. He’s better than that, and they have enough established weapons to exploit opponents when they are down there.

    The optimum word for Cutler is ‘trust’: in himself, those around him and what he’s asked to do. He’s taken a lot of ‘hits’ and at age 30 they can take their toll. I’ve never questioned his toughness and knowing him, I know he’s in top shape and anxious to get going.

    Usually at this point, you either get it or you don’t. He has an offensive specialist as his head coach, and it's going to take the help of a specialist for him to reach his ceiling.

    I think it’s a good bet he’ll have a top year."

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=205812102920443&set=a.205087059659614.1073741829.200708716764115&type=1

  • Is this shit serious?

  • In reply to DYLbear23:

    Yes, Angelo posted a scouting report on all 4 NFCN QBs, on FB, no less.

    So now all you guys can befriend him over there. Poke. Poke.

  • OMMFG...

    I am holding myself back from creating a fake fb identity and ass slamming that pos cancer publicly.

  • That was Jerry Angelo? I actually agreed with all of that Having a Jones for Marshall is not a good thing. Cincy will be sitting just off the LBs waiting to jump slants to Marshall, or cheating the DBs into his side of the field. The smart thing to do with a receiver as good as him is not to throw it to him a lot. He's double-covered so nobody else is. Find Martellus. Dump it to Forte. There's no more excuses for firing lasers into triple coverage. Throw the damn ball away Jay - it's the only thing separating you from 'the elite'. The crowd should cheer him every time he heaves it out of bounds. It's up to the fans to get that kind of thing going.

    In other news, Our Boy Roy's site being down - apparently his ISP lost all of his shit, which sounds about as unprofessional an ISP as one could imagine. He also appears to now own a specialist beer store, so good luck with that. You can gt special six-packs made-up so support our Bear brother - who did more than any single fan to rid us of Angelo remember. That is all.

  • Who gives a fuck about that fucking fuck and his stupid fucking opinions.

  • In reply to Cormonster:

    He is at least partially right about elite QBs making their receivers. Peyton Manning takes all the new receivers his teams get out right away and starts throwing them passes.

    It's why I was fucking encouraged reading about Cutler making all the 1s bust their asses running plays before preseason game #4.

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    Angelo took that concept a little too far though. He had Cutler throwing to DA, Knox, Hester, Rashied Davis, Roy Williams, Sanzenbacher, etc.

    Manning was throwing to Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne with Marcus Pollard at TE and Edge James at RB since 2001.

    No one said shit about Harrison having 110 to 140 catches per year and everyone else having between 24 and 40. But when Cutler does it then it's a problem. Stats don't lie. That's why i get pissed.

  • and DALLAS CLARK and BRANDON STOKELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! from 2003 on.....

  • FUCK. Jerry. Angelo. Right. In. His. Smug. Ridiculous. Clueless. Face.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Fuckin right!

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    thank you david.

    woot woot

    (and a nice set of fake boobies to boot!)

  • Season of Destiny about to begin. Start clearing that cap space motherfuckers cause Cutty gittin paid. Then he'll give a hometown discount because he wants to win and he's not a douche like Flacco who will be 8-8 because of his deal.

  • I fucking ran over the Bengals on All-Pro using Madden 25.

    Fuckers blitzed me and I threw a jump ball to Marshall and he toasted Hall, the midget, for it.

    So, you know, there's that. It's like Groundhogs Day.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    according to PFT and official 2013 Bears media protocol, the touchdown would not count since it wasn't thrown to Martellus Bennett or Alshon Jeffrey. It would count however if one of those two already caught a touchdown pass in the game but the play would still be subject to appropriate criticism by Haugh, Rosie or JD because he "stared him down".

  • In reply to gpldan:

    And so it shall be. Toasted midgets mired in blood.

  • 16 hours....bitches!

  • In reply to Cormonster:

    COR!!!!!!! Destiny!!!!!! Pound it!!!!!

  • In reply to Cormonster:

    You guys seem to be awfully excited. Is there something going on tomorrow? Must be a baseball thing...

  • In reply to tobijohn:

    I almost entered the Jay Cutler debate, but I have more pressing issues. Like whether to use pepper jack or an aged sharp cheddar in my bloody mary's tomorrow.

    I think I'll go with the cheddar and this dip with scoop chips.

    http://www.cooks.com/rec/doc/0,1715,132183-248195,00.html

    That dip is crazy good, and good for you. I'm still up in the air on my final bloody garnishment. Either summer sausage or jerky.

    I can't make up my mind, so might have to hit the store at 8:30 instead of 8:45.

  • In reply to Cormonster:

    The debate is over. Now it's time for the actual games. All that matters is what happens now.

    I would go aged sharp cheddar in the bloody's and summer sausage for the garnishment.

  • In reply to Cormonster:

    Not too crazy about the Ritz cracker suggestion for the dip. I'd probably use some thick corn chips. Maybe the blue ones...

  • In reply to tobijohn:

    mmmmmmmmm.... http://media.shopwell.com/kp/2840008413_full.jpg

  • In reply to tobijohn:

    Scoop chips. See above.

  • Personally, I'd go cheddar and summer sausage...

  • 14 hours...

  • i'm giddy.

    pick to click:

    Forte
    Black Unicorn

  • Fucking 12.5 hours.... fuckity fuck fuck fuck

  • Fucking 12.5 hours.... fuckity fuck fuck fuck

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    Wow! Anti fucking gnomeness! We're winning the SB now, biotches!

  • Fuck it... 12 ours to go. Time to sleep some - hasta manana compadres

  • Almost seven hours. Fuck me. Where's my DeLorean? 88 MPH. Let's go. Real football that matters. This is it. America sleeps, but I get to breath it all in until midnight and to hell with how I feel tomorrow morning - cos as we all know - if you win, you feel good no matter what

    Do we blast out of the gate with Bungle meat between our teeth? Or is Cutler going down on every second play under a tsunami of Atkins and Dunlap sandwich? Are we remonstrating "Oh - that's why the Saints let that fucker go ...." or "Garza should hand back all his paychecks after that.".

    I hope not. I hope it's the fruition of Cutler's travels, Marshall's miseries, Forte's journey, Pep's denoument ... I hope it's where the magical mix all comes good under our new maestro, Mister Emery.

    Go Bears.

  • I think it'll be something in the middle of all that, a step forward from where this unit's been in the past. I can't say the Bears will dominate, but I really do think we'll see a drastic improvement in our passing game. That alone will help the running game as well as the D.
    I'm with you, Irish, ready to see this thing thru.

  • I predict this will be a short lived post as Jeff should be posting his game thread shortly. Ha!

    I also predict that the Bengals will struggle under Andy Dalton today as well as all season long. This guy is not the kind of QB that will be able to keep up in a shootout. Put this one in the win column for the Bears boys. The Bears are going to be all over the Bengals today.

    I don't even think this game is going to be close. Look to see the Bears coming out of the starting gate firing on all cylinders. By halftime, this game will be over.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Well, Trac, you're post was up long enough for me to catch it and I must say, I like. I'll be the first to credit you with predicting the big W should it happen, and I hope it does.

  • Mark Trestman vs Marvin Lewis

    Fuck Marvin Lewis

  • In reply to Viva:

    I'm witchya Viva, fuck him right in his hard knocks-loving face.

  • T-minus 5 hrs 19 min

  • Christmas eve is taking forever..

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