Bears Work Out JeMarcus Russell

Bears Work Out JeMarcus Russell

Yesterday I played 18 of the most difficult holes in golf: Bethpage Black, host of the 2002 and 2009 US Opens. No carts allowed. More than 7,000 yards of hill after hill after hill after hill. Here's what the course looks like and it should explain the brevity of my JeMarcus Russell post coming.


Ask yourself this question.

Would the Bears announcing publicly they are giving maligned quarterback and hot dog enthusiast JeMarcus Russell be met with anything other than derision and scorn from the Chicago media or Bears fans?

The answer is no. And the move shows once again the current Bears leadership, Phil Emery, is not concerned with the outside perception of the organization. You don't cast aside Brian Urlacher and hire the head coach of the Montreal Alouettes if David Haugh's column is something keeping you up at night. (If Haugh's column is of any concern to you, you have no business running a hot dog cart in Lincoln Park.) This move shows the concerns of the current GM of the Bears are dramatically one-sided: he wants to make the club better and he doesn't care how.

Will Russell end up on the Bears roster? Most likely not. But if he impresses in their private workout the Bears would be insane to not invite him to Bourbonnais and give him some reps in the preseason. Behind Jay Cutler the Bears don't currently have a quarterback capable of winning NFL games and Russell has the type of big, strong arm Emery covets to battle through the winter winds of Soldier Field.

The risk is zero. The reward could be substantial. So...why not?

Filed under: Uncategorized


Leave a comment


  • In reply to MB30SD:

    "Let’s face facts: JaMarcus Russell is and always will be a dummy. Only a dummy would take this long before starting his comeback attempt. Like it literally took the guy years to decipher that his guaranteed signing bonus wouldn’t last him until he’s 75 or whatever age he keels over from some gravy-related heart condition. Should have gotten in shape and started playing his cards right years ago. The only thing lean about JaMarcus Russell is the drink in his cup. Nobody is going to sign a mentally retarded nosetackle with a sizzurp addiction as their quarterback."


  • In reply to MB30SD:

    If 16-21 Million Dollars can't last you until you're 125yrs old you in fact are mentally retarded.

    Make no mistake about it, if you have 20 Million in cash you would have to have a 2yr old as your financial planner/investment advisor not to win life for you and the next 3 generations of family.

    That is why we simply cannot have Jamarcus Russell on this team. He's a fucking caricature of a bad SNL skit/Onion article/Rap Video all mixed into one.

  • If Haugh's column is of any concern to you, you have no business running a hot dog cart in Lincoln Park.

    Well, that should answer Shady's questions about thread hijack as well.

    Shady is probably too busy playing The Last of Us today to read that, anyway.

  • The risk is zero. The reward could be substantial. So...why not?

    Because the risk is not, in actuality, zero.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    He's all risk, you're right, GP.

    We should be trying to take away a piece from a divisional rival. Get that Harrell guy, or Joe Webb.

  • Joe Webb? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

    Irish, sometimes you make me want to run onto the expressway with a blindfold on.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    How is there any risk with working him out? I don't understand where you're coming from.

  • fb_avatar


  • In reply to midBAYmonster:

    Barf, puke, whatever.

  • hahahaha

  • In reply to thebigcheese:

  • In reply to gpldan:

    The chinstrap, Captain... It can't take much more... She's gonna blow...

  • In reply to gpldan:

    Jolly, Johnny - resident Green Bay codeine possession scumbag piece of shit.

    We don't need that kind of fucking idiot on this team. Thank god it's a bullshit tryout.

  • In reply to thebigcheese:

    If Rodgers goes down, many Cheesers are gonna be wanting Jamarcus. Or at least a bottle of purple drank.

  • As I said to one of my friends.. a lot of people laughed at Ricky Williams but the man proved he still had some gas in the tank and I wouldnt doubt it if Jamarcus did th same. Now will he be on the Bears? Who knows. But if he's didcated a good chunk of time, effort and money into a comeback I'm sure he can make it happen.

  • sac, dude.

    one was always a bonafide athamalete... the other was always a fat lazy sack of crap.

    there's a difference dude. Once a sack o shit, always a sack o shit. Just look up his stats when he was actually playing. Uhhhh... no thanks.

  • "As I said to one of my friends..."

    You have friends????

    JUST kiddin' !

  • Two of my favorite things.. Patton Oswalt and bay area hip-hop

  • Ha! Glad you liked this... Didn't know if the DBBers were down.

    Boots is in my top 5 MCs ever. Every single Coup album is excellent.

    (I was actually very disappointed in the latest one, but I had pre-purchased through Kickstarter. It grew on me, and now I find it quite enjoyable)

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Yeah I went and saw Grouch play here a couple of weeks ago. I've always been a big fan of bay area hip hop. And Patton Oswalts stand up is fckn great!

    On a somewhat related note I went out and kayaked McCovey Cove for the A's vs Giants game last week. I'm an A's fan and had to show some support, plus being a kayaker I've always wanted to kayak the cove, It was a great expereince, in fact one of my favorite non-Bears related sports experiences thus far.

  • It would be hard to make kayaking suck, so long as the weather is good.

  • I used to love me some Grouch. Freshman year of college, my buddy and I drove from Tucson to Santa Cruz to check a Legends show (not knowing that they would soon be coming to places like Tucson and Phoenix). Left at midnight, driving through LA rush hour at 6am. Got to Santa Cruz and passed out at the hotel - almost slept through the show. Got to see the entire Legends crew, the Cuf, Disflex6, Kirby Dominant, Sole, Alias and Dose one. Shit was incredible.

    Since then, I've probably seen Grouch 15 all over - San Diego, LA, Phoenix, Tucson, Victoria, and NYC. Came to get annoyed by him right after the CD that came out after Making Perfect Sense. He's actually a fucking Grouch. Everyone else is always cool to the fans, but he's kind of a pompous dick. Eligh's nice though.

    I've seen every hip hop group I've ever wanted to see outside of illogic, Mars ill, Louis Logic, and the Coup.

    The Coup more than anyone else. Maybe some day. But not likely here in Omaha... maybe Chicago or Denver.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    That is one nice thing about living here. I play pool with a couple guys from the Cuf all the time and all the Bay rappers come out here to perform pretty often. I love me some hip hop but a live show isnt at the top to me. Unless theres a live band in which case its pretty sick. I would have loved to have seen Guru though.

  • That's pretty cool. I almost moved to the bay multiple times when I was in a "well, where do I want to move?" phase.

    I haven't been to a live hip hop show in 5 years... I'm not even sure I'd feel comfortable now.

    The Coup with live band - count me in.

    Atmosphere and Latyrx are the only other's I know that routinely have a live band.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    so fucking white and old now. smh

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Hella old, dog.

    Shit's wack.

    Bitches be trippin.

  • JaMarcus totally sucked as a pro 4 years ago, and he was never good before that. Why would anyone want to even waste time on him now?

    As MB said:

  • In reply to The Fifth:

    Da drank boss! Da drank!

    Welcome to Fantasy Island....

  • In reply to The Fifth:

    Ha. I just posted the exact thing above Corm. Dude was never good, why would be be for the first time now after 5 years out.

    smh... or as yonny would say.... shmv.

  • Zero risk? Not so. Jeff, didn't you hear about the time the Raiders coaching staff gave him a blank DVD and told him there was game film and game plan on it they wanted him to study? The next day they asked him what he thought and he said "oh man, it was great, I'm fired up and ready to go". That's when the knew he was a lost cause and gave him the boot.

    It ain't gonna happen.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Trac, remember that guy I was bitching about a while back who ripped me off? Well, we had a long talk and reconciled today. He was mainly taking gas and using my equipment on the side because he thought he was being slighted by me. After I fired him and talked today, he's paying me back.

    He's starting his own business and I'm over capacity right now, so he's going to cover jobs for me to pay me back when he gets his insurance next week. He was always a hard worker who did good work, so I'm going to sub out some of my extra work to him and make it a win-win situation. He'll pay me back what he owes me, I'll make decent coin by subbing some work out to him for much less than I charge, and it will help him stay busy until he gets enough work of his own. He made it clear he won't poach any of my existing accounts. He's only providing a few services, so I'll probably get referrals from him to do other work where I'm not so busy. It should work out good.

  • In reply to The Fifth:

    Good for you, man. Win-win.

  • In reply to The Fifth:

    That is amazing Fifth. Good on ya mate. Its awesome that you are handling the situation like you are. Thank you for sharing that, you just made my day.

  • In reply to The Fifth:

    I wouldn't trust that fucker any further than you can throw him...

    And with your bad back, Corm - I wouldn't be throwing anybody.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    No doubt when trust is broken, relationships can fail. Most of the time people walk away but sometimes reconciliation can make a relationship stronger than it ever was. Fifth is a smart guy, he'll know what to do.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    I might be as jaded and as much of a realist as willie here, but that was exactly my first thought....

    fuck that. Dude's a con-artist. He'll poach the first chance he gets.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Ed & Zachary

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Willie was spot on. Every time I've gave guys second or third chances, it has always come back to haunt me. I'm talking about the people that used me or fucked me over, not the guy who showed up late for work a few too many times.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    I was buzzed up when I talked to him last night. Since then, I've changed my mind. Funny when I came on here I was going to say the same thing. Your spot on Willie.

  • In reply to The Fifth:

    I think that's the smart choice Corm

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Wow. No, the league doesn't need that guy back. Let him serve as a lesson for those that come after him.

  • Let's bring Tebow in too.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    At least he will study and won't lie to the coaching staff.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    And he's potty trained.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    and he knows how to dig well if we need water ever. I hear he can put up a pre-fab house in hours too.

    P-Drank cain't do any of that shit.

  • In honor of YaMarcus and his affinity for the drank.

    (Be prepared for gratuitous booty shaking)

    "Four fours I'm tippin'
    Wood grain I'm gripping
    Catch me lane switching with the paint dripping
    Turn your neck and your dame missing
    Me and Slim we ain't tripping I'm finger flipping and syrup sipping
    Like do or die I'm po' pimping Car stop rims keep spinning
    I'm flipping drop with indvisible tops
    Hoes bop when my drop step out
    I'm shaking the block with four eighteens'
    Candy green with eleven screens
    My gasoline always supreme
    Got do-do the brown with a pint of lean
    It takes grinding to be a king
    It takes grinding to be a king
    First Round Draft Picks coming
    Who is Mike Jones coming
    Slab shining with the grill and woman
    Slab shining with the grill and woman
    I'm Mike Jones (Who) Mike Jones the one and only you can't clone me
    Got a lot a haters and a lot of homies some friends and some phony
    Back then hoes didn't want me Now I'm hot hoes all on me
    Back then hoes didn't want me Now I'm hot hoes all on me
    Back then hoes didn't want me Now I'm hot hoes all on me
    (I Said!) Back then hoes didn't want me Now I'm hot hoes all on me..."

    Fuck me did I really listen to this shit?

    KIDS .... listen to the rap mu-sic.

  • In reply to Shady:

  • In reply to Shady:

    fucking love this one.

    The kids... they listen to the rap... which gives them the brain damage.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Might be the first rap video I've seen with porn elements.

    The ho' gives him a bj from :50 to 1:05. I was groovin and then I was like, seriously?

  • In reply to Shady:

    Who the fuck is Mike Jones?

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:


  • I think Emery is playing us. This whole JRuss sideshow is great for business. Ha! I really can't believe Trestman would put his cred on the line to bring P Drank in. Bring in the midgets.

  • Hub's farewell letter

    I've stuck up for Hub and even echoed his opinions from the Score, I grew up watching him and Larravee and listening to him in the booth with Butkus and Hamp and all that, and I gotta say - that was kinda a douche farewell letter.

    He gives himself a big out, there, with the minority owner thing and the whole thing felt like a cop out and a bit like blaming the internet for his demise.

    He (and his dad as far back as the 1970s) did some things questionable, like hitting up subscribers once for donations and then closing shop, and an ill-fated experiment with lifetime subscriptions. Bad idea. And now, with the doors folding, PFW is $8M in debt. Not chump change.

    Not a cool letter Hub. Not cool.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    I really enjoy listening to Hub, whether or not I agree with him. But I just never got into that website.

    I will simply say this: I hope that there will continue to be a viable business model for quality sports coverage. ESPN, SI, Sport Illustrated and most of the major news outlets don't provide it. PFT provides some, but not everything. Hopefully more will find a way to make it work.

  • J-Russell career stats:
    31 starts
    354/680 = 52.1%
    4083 yds
    18 TDs
    23 INTs
    22 Fumbles
    QB Rating = 65.2

    Stats like those are horrible for a starting quarterback. But, let's look at Josh McCown.

    645/1113 = 58.0%
    37 TDs
    44 INTs
    41 Fumbles
    QB Rating = 71.2

    Not so far off. And Russell clearly has the bigger upside because of his cannon arm. If he doesn't have the mental stuff squared away, he doesn't make it out of training camp. If he does, he has the potential to be a backup.

    Best case scenario - he doesn't play.

    Second best case scenario - Cutler gets hurt, Russell plays a game or two and does well. Cutler comes back and wins the SB, but we use Russell as leverage to keep the contract demands within the realm of normal. Then we trade Russell to someone like the Jaguars for a deal similar to the Alex Smith trade this year.

    Worst case scenario - Russell makes the team, plays, stinks, and McCown has to step up as the backup. We lose someone like Matt Blanchard because we gave up the roster spot. But you run that risk with any player.

  • In reply to NewBearInTown:

    Worse case scenario is that Russell becomes a freak show and the Bears become the Raiders. No thanks.

  • In reply to NewBearInTown:

    Well when you put it that way... I'll take JaMarcus and the Lombardi (Second best case scenario).


  • Well when you put it that way... I'll take JaMarcus and the Lombardi (Second best case scenario).

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    Sorry, that was supposed to be a reply not a new comment. Delete please, thanks Jimmy.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    first best scenario:

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Chicken-fried bacon in cream gravy - that’s bacon “perfected.”



  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Hey, don't laugh MB. As much as I dislike the Lions organization, they have a wazoo of talent. This year is going to be tough in the North.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    C'mon Trac. Why is this year different? They had all of that talent last year and they won four games. You telling me Reggie Bush is the difference between 4 wins and the Super Bowl? I just don't see it. As long as Schwartz is there they have no chance. Hopefully he's there until Calvin Johnson is washed up.

  • In reply to Johnnywad:

    I know, it's fun to beat on the ugly redhead but this is gonna be Trestmans first year. New LB's, new scheme, retread O line. Its gonna be great or really really ugly. Emery has shown he can acquire talent via free agency but he has to hit a home run through the draft. That is yet to be determined.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    I'm going to break down your post line by line:

    Trestman's first year: maybe so but Trestman is a known quantity when it comes to knowing and calling an offensive gameplan. Multiple big names have lauded the move to bring him in to have a bonified professional caliber offensive playcaller.

    New LB's : these "new" LB's you speak of are players who have performed admirably for YEARS on other teams and don't carry the injury/age bug of Urlacher and are certainly an upgrade over a stable but somewhat pedestrian Nick Roach. The rookies they brought in were the starting MLB of the Florida Gators defense and the reigning Big East Defensive Player of the Year and All American Khaseem Greene. Hardly your Trahan/Decicco/Thomas fucking fiasco of years past.

    The new scheme is a quicker paced, rythmic fucking West Coast passing and running attack designed to get the ball out of the QB's hands and into the playmakers including one of the best pass receiving RB in the league, Arguably the top WR in the league, a 6'6 265lb TE that runs a 4'6 and a second year WR that is poised for big things. Not to mention a guy in Earl Bennett that catches everything you throw at him. Scheme is perfect for protecting the QB, minimizing deficiencies and exploiting your strong suits.

    How the fuck is our line a RETREAD line????? Bushrod at LT, Slauson at LG or RG, a fucking STARTER with the Jets who felt he had a better shot at a long term deal by signing with the Bears, a healthy Eben Britton who STARTED in Jacksonville, Scott, Long, Carimi etc.

    You can't throw out a comment like It's gonna be great or really really ugly. That's the same as the typical radio bullshit of "I don't think they have a chance but wouldn't be the least bit surprised if they won the superbowl".

    It's a cop out.

  • In reply to Waffle:

    Let me ask you something. Do you think that with all these changes there won't be a learning curb? I grant you I shouldn't have used the word retread but c' mon man, I'm just trying to be objective. I see great potential but given all the changes, it's gonna be tough. You don't just overhaul the coaching staff and bring on all the new bodies without effecting chemistry. It's may not happen this season and could take time but the future looks bright. . In a sense we are gearing up for the future and anything is possible.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    The term is learning curve.

    A learning curb is the thing skateboard punks use to practice doing flips and skids and stuff.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    Nope, Trac was referring to the Learning Curb, as in: “Some guys might never get over the learning curb.”

  • I argree with this article. Who gives a flying f--- what David Haugh thinks about this or anything else related to our Beloved Bears. While Russell is getting all of the print, Emery is actually bringing in three QBs. He is looking at the future. If you don't have a top QB in the NFL, you better find one because without him you're nothing. Just another also ran. Go Emery do your thing and keep looking.

  • Bang bang.

  • damn it. got tricked into dead posting and didn't even realize it.

    re-posting from last thread in response to Justin's 'post'...


    Ok. I'll take this one.

    justin, how old are you? Anyway, here you go:

    1. Emery had lovie, tice, marinelli in his ear last year. I choose to believe the only pick he made was Jeffery (mari/lovie chose CD, Lovie chose hardin, tice sat there eating a fucking hamburger)

    2. This year's draft was unspectacular in it's efficiency and utility. By that I mean at ever single pick emery chose the best guy available at a position of need.

    We needed a G/T in rd 1... he chose the best graded guy available at our shitty spot after ever single other ranked olineman had already been taken. It was a ridiculous year for olinemen

    In rd 2 he chose a 3 year starter at ILB for the Florida SCC gators and by all accounts a VERY solid TRUE ILB. We were never going to get another lach... who would you rather have taken, the much smaller less suited for the middle brown?

    in rd 4 we chose the BPA for our next highest position of need at OLB. Green is a confirmed stud at another SCC school (I think, right?)

    In 5, we took a flyer on a potentially stud Tackle. Everything after 3 is a gamble, but he again tried to fill our most critical position(s) of need with the best guy on the board at that position

    in 6 we took another flyer on a known freak of human nature (6’4” 265 ran a 4.5 40 and put up 38 @ 225). No idea why he fell so far, but some draft guys had him going in the 2nd or 3rd. He could be the next pep, or he could be a burnout. The point is, it’s the 6th rd, and we again filled our 5-6th position of need with the best guy available.

    I will head your first response off at the pass. Yes, we could have taken eifert in 1, but we just dropped major coin on the black unicorn... a KNOWN NFL entity who had a great year last year. That and TE is not a critical hole in our squad.... could we have improved it... 100%, but it wasn't causing us to lose games (well, fucking whatsisface did last year, but that's already taken care of)

    So please tell me Justin… before Bourbonnais has even been prepped your calling all of our picks a bust? You just sound like a reactionary buffoon my man.

    There Yonny… you’re welcome. No need to threaten jimmy the gnome to get Justin’s home address where you can show up and soap-party him... with viva’s guidance.

  • just watched an interview with mike mccarthy.

    Dude sounds like an idiot. Is he not smart?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    That's what I used to think before they won the SB. It pissed me off because I used to really enjoy thinking he was a dumb ass and would never be able to punch Green Bays ticket. Ignorance truly was bliss back then.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Philbin probably was the brains. Come to think of it, McArthur really is a dumb ass.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    McArthy. I hate my Iphone

  • In reply to MB30SD:

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    Anyone ever drink Mad Elf? It's got to be more than 11%.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    Cutler looks sharp.

  • In reply to Shady:

    Citler is sharp.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:


  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    that might be the best gif I've ever seen in my entire life.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Glad you liked it. Not sure why I posted in reply to your McCarthy comment. The Mad Elf was kicking in at the time. I started drinking it like normal beer and after the third one, was HAMMERED. I guess 3 ME’s are the equivalent of 9 Yuengling’s (my usual beer), but I can drink 9 Yuengling’s without getting trashed.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    huh, Yuengling’s.

    So I have a favorite vietnamese place here and they have to beers that I think you'll enjoy BS.

    Try 33 and Saigon

    That site gives them shitty reviews, but they're not meant to be craft beers, just good lite beers while eating good food.

    if that doesn't work for you try the french Fischer:

    Well, I just looked up Yuengling’s and I fucked it all up. For some reason, I thought you were talking about:

    No idea why... but try those three (or four now I guess) anyway.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Nice site. Not sure if the beers you mentioned are sold where I live, but I’ll check them out if I can. Yuengling (I drink the Traditional Lager) is a Pennsylvania brewery, so it’s always cheaply available for me. Troegs (the makers of Mad Elf) is also a Pa. brewery, but very expensive. I got the Mad Elf as a gift. They should have warned me, Drink S-l-o-w.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    He out-coached Lovie in the 2010 Championship Game. We spotted those fuckers 14 points early in the game. Then the coaching staff realized that we need to stop the slant. After that, the D shut them down.

    The Fudge went into prevent mode in the 2nd half after Cutler went down. The fucking Raji TD won that game for them, along with a couple ill-timed TO by Lovie.

    MB, Brownie, Doc. I was sitting at that Championship Game in similar seats as you guys were at the Packer game last year. Bears driving late, endzone seats, right on the left hashmarks if the
    Bears were driving towards our endzone. Hanie threw a pass out to Forte in the flat by the hashmarks, wide open, but Lovie or Martz had called a TO. That play would have been a TD or damn close. Noone was close to Forte.

    After the TO, with just over a minute left in the game, Lovie and Martz decide to run a reverse with Bennett! A fucking reverse!

    The Bears lost that game because of bad coaching. McCarthey is no genius, but he was smarter than Lovie and company. The Bears were the better team, but they got outcoached that day.

  • In reply to The Fifth:

    corm... that ain't saying much at all my man.

    Compare him to bellicheat or even coughlin and let me know your thoughts.

    Lovie was turrible.

  • In reply to The Fifth:

    I still get pissed when I think about that reverse with Bennett. Martz and Lovie should have been canned straight away for pulling that shit in the NFC championship game at anypoint, let alone near the end and down 7.

  • In reply to DYLbear23:

    I think it was the only time Bennett ran that play. Fooled no one.

  • RIP, Edith Bunker.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    "Boy da way Glenn Miller played...

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    Awwwwwww. That woman was like my mother (except she couldn't rip your guts out like my mother).

  • I'm looking forward to going to Bourbonaisse (I just like spelling as a delicious alcohol bread spread) and seeing the team do drills and scrimmage. I went for two days last year, this time I might just get a motel room down there and stay through the weekend and watch the night scrimmages.

    Last year Lovie would stroll lackadaisically on the field, he'd often look up at the sky like there was something fascinating about clouds, Tice would do all the yelling and the position coaches seemed as much about taping guys up and bringing them water as the people they actually paid to do that. THe fans would get playoff boners when the ball went deep to Marshall but there was a lot of standing around and the line groupings and things seemed pretty slow. I used to watch my college team practice years and years ago alot, and this seemed nothing like summer scrimmage in the Big 10. It seemed like everybody was moving Lovie speed, everything was southern style slow, everybody just takin it slow. The big story was that, more than any other year, Lovie was letting the 2nd string and bubble boys hit - and he was. Bubble guys were hitting - a LOT.

    I am anticipating a totally different place this summer. I think coaches will be snapping and yelling, the scrimmages will have a lot more intensity and the words "hurry UP" will be yelled alot along with "lets GO". I anticipate intensity that comes when everybody is looking for a job this year. A few North Dallas Forty fights. A head coach engaged not only with his team, but Planet Earth.

    Should be fun.

  • In reply to gpldan:


  • In reply to gpldan:

    this is going to anger/upset some people here... but that is EXACTLY what I fucking hated about lovie.... that is what our teams became.

    I played organized football from 7th grade through college and NONE of my coaches coached the game like that. That's not football. period.

  • Did you guys read about prism?

    Maybe that's why gnome code is so slow. Every time Irish drops a federal reserve crack, gnome code needs to make an adjustment to some NSA database or something. Jimmy, can you confirm?

    (I don't think we're supposed to joke about this, but wtf)

  • In reply to gpldan:

    Bastards! They're meeting right now.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    Shsssssssssh. They're reading .....

  • In reply to gpldan:

  • Anybody know about Nackles? I did NOT know about Nackles until the Krumpus thing, and then I was like, seriously? This is a thing?

  • In reply to gpldan:

    What the fuck was that?

    Emphasis first on "What"

    Then repeated with emphasis on "fuck".

    Lastly, repeated again with emphasis on "that".

    Seriously - WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? (emphasis on "was")

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Short story by Donald Westlake, published in 1964 under the pen name Curt Clark.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    Yeah. I had no idea Santa had a evil monster in literature. A devil to his God. Devil came and put kids in bags and ate them.

    Obviously, the Grinch is based on Nackles, but just steals toys instead of the kids themselves for, you know, eating.

    Pretty messed up. If you saw the Krumpus episode of The League, Taco dresses up as Nackles and terrorizes a mall. Then, Shiva punches him out. Shiva is so damn hot.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    I had heard of the story, but never read it (until last night). Got all the way through before I realized, it’s just a story by that guy, whathisname (Wiki supplied the answer).

  • RIP Esther Williams.
    Not a bad run.
    Or, in Esther's case, not a bad swim.

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    Truly, an icon.


    get it? breast intentions... like best, but they used breast because kate upton has amazing boobs.

    Get it?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Maid Upton is a blubberous bovine.

  • So, would anyone have laughed if rodgers tore his rotator cuff?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    “I’ve watched ‘DodgeBall’ many times, and I’ve followed the five D’s in dodgeball – dodge, duck, dip, dive and, of course, dodge,” he said. “Patches O’Houlihan and I are good buddies.”

    the guy is just such a fucking tool. jesus. smh.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I'm pretty sure you only need to watch Dodgeball once.


  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Dodgeball is a classic, I put it up there with Tropic Thunder. Go to imdb and look at the quotes if you need a chuckle. Is it necessary for MB to drink his own urine? No. But it's sterile, and he likes the taste.

  • In reply to Shady:

    that is ridiculous... it is no where near TT.

    Common maings.

    I'm sad now... you're not the man I thought you were.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Both are good films and I do enjoy the Stillers (except for Along Came Polly...what a POS) but in reality you have to go a long way to beat a Cohen Brothers film. O Brother and the Big Lebowski are amazingly funny and entertaining but a little more cerebral and not laugh out loud funny for the most part. For that I'll go with the Farrelly brothers, who are hit and miss but something about Mary and Kingpin are classics that i can watch a million times.

  • don't try to win me back now...

    I wish I knew how to quit you.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    damn I fucked that up too... for some reason I thought shady posted that sac.

    Don't worry, I cain't quit you either my man.

  • In reply to MB30SD:


  • Agreed on the Coen brothers... Lebowski, O Brother, Raising Arizona...

    Hudsucker Proxy is the business (and highly underrated).

    Personally, I don't enjoy most Ben Stiller movies. Meet the Parents was an exercise in cringing. Dodgeball, we all know how I feel about that. Saw Zoolander once and I blame the situation for my dislike (will check again).


  • The Cohen brothers rock, right back to Raising Arizona. They even do the serious stuff well. No country for old men. True Grit (top script). Fargo and Lebowski are classics. Talented boys.

  • In reply to Shady:

    Shady... come on.

    It's real fucking far from a classic. It's far from even good.

    I couldn't make it through Tropic Thunder, but I couldn't make it through most movies during that time.

    I'll give that one another chance... but Dodgeball can die.

    Lemme guess, Elf is a classic, too? Talladega Nights? Wedding Crashers?

    The Curmudgeon

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Seriously, who farted in your fruity pebbles? Didn't see Elf but yes, Ricky Bobby and Wedding Crashers are also classics in my low brow view. I don't mind these types of movies because I know what I'm getting into. I know they will never be award winning films, but if they can make me laugh the whole way then two thumbs up from 'this guy'. Of course I enjoyed Lebowski and the Hudsuck proxy, but those were different kinds of films altogether. You have to know what kind of mood you're in to determine what to watch. I didn't realize you were so high brow, I would have expected much less from you, like MB.

  • In reply to Shady:

    ouch that hurt shady. I have feelings too.

    Like you, I very much enjoyed both elf, and especially ricky bobby.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I keed because I love. Petrillionaire, on the other hand, seems like a changed man after having a baby. Is that what happens when you have kids? You grow up? You aren't your fun loving immature swlf anymore? Fuxk that. It sounds almost as bad as getting married.

  • In reply to MB30SD:


  • In reply to MB30SD:


    No man, if anything I'm more accepting since the baby. I would never have agreed to give both Tropic Thunder and Zoolander another shot pre-daddyhood.

    It's not the low brow. I LOVE low brow. Poo jokes are probably the easiest way to get me to giggle. I don't know what it is about anything Will Ferrel related, but I never laugh. And it's probably unfair to the rest of the cast.

    Maybe I just got sick of it. Sick of every idiot kid around me quoting Anchorman like it was Ace Ventura and we were in 6th grade (or Billy Madison and 7th).

    I certainly have not grown up... Besides trading in the 2 door Lexus for a Kia Optima (yeah.. that). I just always hated movies that didn't make me laugh... Wedding Crashers just didn't do it for me. Then again, maybe I was too baked for all the above flicks and just "this should be way mo betta" over analyzing.

    In my defense, Knocked Up, which is kinda up the same alley, had me nearly crying. Maybe I was just baked the exact correct amount.

    But Shady, since I love you, I promise I will re-watch ALL of these movies... with an open mind... and an open bottle of whiskey... in hopes that we can remain besties.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Knocked the fuck up!?!??!!??! Dude, are you serious???

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    MB, there ain't no rhyme or reason... Maybe it was because I was with a girl? Maybe, as mentioned before, I was just the right amount of baked?


    Was there poop jokes, fruity pebbles, and farts?



  • In reply to MB30SD:

    family guy is nuetered SP. It's dumb pop culture jokes for the masses... like people in oklahoma masses.

    It's the rice crispies to SP's fruity pebbles.

  • In reply to Shady:

    Oh yeah... and there's a reason my entire group of friends used to call me "Anti". I hate most stuff. I used to always say I just had high standards.



  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:


  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    like omg, you're friend's name is andy?

    no, anti


    No, no ANTI

    Like, wait Andy.... like, can you spell it?


    Ohhhh... Andy

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    This made me giggle in my cube.

    MB: 1
    Wedding Crashers: 0

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion.

  • that nackles story was awesome btw.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

  • In reply to MB30SD:


  • Have fun in hell you piece of shit

    Ps. Wish I believed in hell.

  • Irish just rage came in his pants right now:

  • In reply to Waffle:

    See ?

  • Artoo, dafuq mane? Ever since I registered my email for your site I've been inundated with spam. Like 5-10 garbage emails a day. If you're selling my address at least hook me up with some of that cashish or free merch. Fack.

  • In reply to Shady:

    R2 is catfishing you. He's really a 300 lb cheesehead named 'Linda' working it out of her trailer park. She hired an unemployed improv comic to play Eric in all those videos.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    And Ender?

  • In reply to Shady:

    Homeless guy.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    It all makes sense now.

  • In reply to Shady:

    There should be no way Artoo's site is causing spam.

  • In reply to Shady:

    Shady, I'm pretty sure that my site isn't causing your spam mail to blow up.

    Thanks for telling us about your inbox though lol

  • Put it this way R2, my inbox was fucking flawless before I registered it with your site.

  • In reply to Shady:

    Sorry man. I'm pretty sure it isn't because of my site but I'll apologize for the problems your are experiencing. Seriously.

  • Good man McLargeHuge. Good man.

  • The League Season 4. Watched it last Saturday in a marathon in the morning.

    Takes the nastiest farrely brother stuff, mixes in some Seinfeld, pulls in the worst of the insult humor from Sunny in Philly, and then jacks it even lower by about 2 steps.

    But the football cameos make it. Pete's girlfriend, who is a raunchy elitist monster bitch played by Brooklyn Decker, leaves him for Adrian Peterson. "oh man, I hope AD doesn't stand for awesome dong." It's a show that combines living in the gutter with pro football with super models making cameos as raging psychotics.

    It's basically LOL funny.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    Haven't seen it since mid season 3, but that show always cracked me up.


  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Eastbound and Down picks up again in September. Fuck j'yeah.

  • In reply to Shady:

    Fucking EPIC... dooooood

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Mongoloid mike... bust his head open with a stick

    Y'all named your daughter after the fucking titanic... what's his name... fucking shrek!?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Dude, are you serious? I am appletving this TONIGHT!!!

    Oh, wait... maybe tomorrow.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    konichiwa bitches.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

  • In reply to gpldan:

    Just watched the fourth season.. Weird program. Did Taco admit to bestiality or is everything that comes out of his mouth a lie? Ruxin is horrible. The dentist is a complete tuna. Taco is a cartoon. That random eastern-looking friend of theirs that keeps popping up is a psycho. Everyone is emotionally ten years old ... yet somehow it's watchable.

  • It is a cartoon. It's like Seinfeld crossed with Spongebob.

  • The brown note ... .that was funny.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    This is a pretty accurate synopsis

  • Time for a new "Mawwaige" thread, Jeff.

    (speaking of classics)

  • In reply to Shady:

    wuv.. twoo wuv

  • yes. yes, I do believe that it is sir.

  • this is me

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Legendary bro

  • In reply to gpldan:

  • In reply to gpldan:

    hahahahaha.... awesome.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    You’re an ad.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

  • This weekends message.

  • Jay's wedding band is navy blue.

    Fuck, that's dedication

  • In reply to gpldan:

    It’s black.

    92 days to go.

  • Three months until football season starts. How are y'all holding up?

  • Just waiting for Garza to lose his place in the lineup Artoo .....

  • First report I've seen on P Dranks workout.

  • Hawkce win! Hawkce win! Stanley Cup Finals baby, bring on Beantown!

  • The Bears have traded away Mr.Carimi to the Buccaneers

  • And he will probably be a fixture on their line and play well for the next seven years, just like Columbo with Dallas. If the Bears fucked this up and pulled the trigger too soon, Emery will be lookin pretty bad in my book.

  • In reply to #76 Mongo Murph:

    Yeah he may turn out to be Columbo 2.0 but chances are probably he was another Angelo BUST. He would have been a backup guard at the Bears got something out of it. Not to mention you don't have to pay the guy 1st rounder money to ride pine.

  • In reply to Shady:

    i think we got a 6th round pick. that isn't shit. bullshit move.

  • In reply to Waffle:

    Let's wait and see how it plays out with the guys who are committed to to team. It was obvious the Bear Jew wanted out. Personally I think Emery was lucky to get anything for Gabe, he was awful last season. AWFUL.

  • In reply to Shady:

    They had they balls to cut him/trade him, not keep him around because he's a first round pick. I like that. In Lovie's era he would have started because he was the first rounder.

  • First I heard was the Bears got a 6th rounder for Carimi. Not sure if it's true.

  • In reply to The Fifth:

    You are correct Fifth.

  • Carimi will cost the #Bears roughly $900K in dead money over the next two seasons

  • That's called cutting your losses. Or in this case trading them.

  • Carimi is just another ghost from Angelee's first round draft busts. Woe, I say! Oi vey!

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    We were all a little verklempt.

  • A 6th rounder. Nice.

    We'll draft a white LB from Rutgers with that pick, mark my words.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    one can only hope.

  • The Carimi thing was necessary. Not showing up to OTAs, you knew that he wasn't in the right frame of mind to make it work. I'm sure the team didn't do anything to help matters.

    So the guy gets a fresh start in Tampa. His problems last year were mainly mental (bad technique, etc.) If the Bucs crew can get him in a good system where he overcomes those problems, good for them. It wasn't going to happen here.

    So good for us getting an extra sixth.

  • In reply to NewBearInTown:

    because you can never have too many Greg McCoy's or Isiah Frey's come in and not make the team.....

  • Another thought on the Carimi trade. We now have an extra pick in the 2014 draft. We've got several guys (Tillman, Jennings, Peppers, Bennett) who might not be in the future plans for the team depending on what happens this season. A lot of those guys are in contract years, but no extensions are getting signed.

    I would not be surprised to see one of our vets get sent elsewhere for something like a 3rd round pick. Emery might even try to do it early enough that we don't need to use the franchise tag to make the trade happen. That would allow us to keep the tag for Cutler or one of the corners.

    Plus, now that we have WR, LT, and QB all squared away, we no longer have a pressing need at any position in the first round. That means Emery has the ability to trade down or out of the first and get even more picks. And all these veterans with expiring deals means that we will have roster spots available for our picks.

    Could next year be the year that Emery finally goes all in on draft picks and stays away from FA?

  • In reply to NewBearInTown:

    Man I hope he doesn't off-load Jennings or Peanut right now. E-rod looks like trouble though.

  • why would he get rid of Peanut or Jennings right now. That makes no sense. Go back to the end of the line.

  • In reply to NewBearInTown:

    We'll see about LT. I'm not sold on Bushrod yet.

    And QB is not "squared away". The real test comes this season and whether the Cutler - Trestman combo actually works. And then there is the little matter of a contract for Jay if it does.

    I will agree that WR looks pretty solid. There is vulnerability on the depth side (after BM, EB, and AJ we're a little thin), but that is far from uncommon in the NFL.

  • I'm guessing Emery sent a signal by dumping Gabe. Emery doesn't strike me as the kinda guy that tolerates any bs. I had.heard some rumors that the Bears were very unhappy Carimi chose not to rehab at the Bears facility.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Was it Emery, or Trestman?

  • Here's the thing, though. Angelo would have just cut Carimi and mis-handled this situation and the org would be stuck with a total write off.

    By trading him we get some shit pick, yes, but we get cap space to go get a vet. All things considered from a guy whose agent came on the Score and said, bluntly, we want out - it was making the best of a bad situation. Guy goes down as equal to Stan Thomas in bust-o-meter land.

    Ok Phil. That happens to Long and we're going to talk. Now let's get a vet for the space and move on...

  • E M E R Y C E

  • B E A R J E W C E

  • Something is definitely rotten in Denmark.

    Louis claimed he wanted a fresh start. Chilo Rachel went AWOL. Carimi didn't want to return.

    Marshall recently related that it's nice going into a locker room without dread, so apparently, a shit load of dysfunction was dragging down the team last year (might explain the implosion) that we never heard about. Cutler walking away from Tice was just the tip of the iceberg.

    Fuck it, I say good riddance. Need to light some sage, clear out the bad stink from the previous regime, and get ballers in there with a new sense purpose.

    I am more than confidant that Jordan and Slauson would have beat out Carimi anyways, maybe even Bretton and Brown would have beat out Carimi. Webb and Scott were going to hold the RT position too.

    Do we now have enough $ for Brandon Moore?

    Also, while one 6th rounder isn't much, TWO 6th rounders coupled with a 5th can move us up to the 4rth and get a decent talent who maybe fell a little.

    Even at 6 someone always falls, like Marquise Wilson who had a 3rd round grade to him. Emery seems to not put up with shit. I have a strong feeling that's why Briggs suddenly became the "voice" in the D.

    Briggs if nothing else is good at self-preservation.

  • Butch I have to take issue with the PE doesn't put up with any shit. E-Rod is still around. His draft last year was so underwhelming he feels the need to hang onto a 4th rounder who had 4 catches last year for 21 yards. Not to mention his blocking was so good he was almost in the ballpark with Clutts' blocking. You know the guy we traded away for a ST'er. So far PE reminds me of his predecessor. Not good.

  • Well, hopefully things turn out well for us. In other news, is Jeff going to be making t-shirt this year? The last one I've be wearing all the time aroung NJ with pride.

  • In reply to OsosFan:

    I'm guessing if he has any Bear Jew T's left you can get a smokin' deal.

  • Per PFT:
    "Emery’s predecessor, Jerry Angelo, had drafted Carimi. With Carimi’s trade, the Bears have no first-round picks on the roster from Angelo’s 11 seasons with the team."

    I wonder which winnings teams in the NFL have retained the most first rounders?

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    An amazing statistic and indicator of the magnitude of the failure that Jerry Angelo and whoever else was "helping" in the draft represented.

    Given that, it's really hard to imagine that the near total purge at Halas Hall this season will end up being a bad thing.

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    Speaking of which, does anyone know that the Defensive and Offensive Quality Control coaches do? Two of each? Really?!

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Angelo's seven 1st rounders were:

    2002: OL Marc Columbo
    2003: DE Michael Haynes
    2004: DT Tommie Harris
    2005: RB Cedric Benson
    2007: TE Greg Olsen
    2008: OT Chris Williams
    2011: OT Gabe Carimi

    I rate them:
    one outright fails(Haynes)
    two probable fails (Carimi, Williams)
    two partial fails* (Columbo, Benson)
    two pretty good players (Harris, Olsen)

    Sad, but not 0 for 11.

    * In that they were not bad with other teams.

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    You forgot the Sex Cannon in 03.

  • In reply to Viva:

    Now would be a good time to delete my post. Oh wait, I can't. Just one more way this site says "I love you" on a daily basis!

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    Dave you forgot the Sex Cannon!

Leave a comment