Super Bowl Preview I: Kaepernick Versus Lewis

Super Bowl Preview I: Kaepernick Versus Lewis

In his playoff debut Colin Kaepernick ran rough shot through the fittingly cheese-like defense of the Green Bay Packers to the tune of 181 rushing yards and a pair of touchdowns. Just when fans and media members started to believe we were seeing the championship ascension of a true rush-first quarterback, Kap put the run game in his back pocket and unleashed a 16-for-21 accuracy clinic and dissected the Falcons secondary en route to the Super Bowl in New Orleans.

Stopping a running quarterback, especially in the read-option/pistol style, is about gap discipline. It is about not over pursuing off the perimeter. And while it sounds remedial, it most often comes down to ball awareness. But there are far more qualified individuals than myself capable of breaking down the Xs and Os of defeating the formerly college-only run system. (Matt Bowen would be my local choice. Pete Prisco of CBS Sports would be my national guy if you can wade through his genuine disdain for read-option/pistol system itself.)

There is another way to stop the Kaepernicks and Wilsons and Griffins of the world. You run with them, sideline-to-sideline. You match their remarkable athleticism with athleticism of your own. In his prime, throughout nearly the entirety of the previous decade, Ray Lewis was matched only by the Bears' Brian Urlacher when it came to athleticism at the middle linebacker position. There wasn't a quarterback or running back in the league able to avoid his dogged pursuit.

It would be sacrilegious in some NFL circles to posit the theory that Ray Lewis is no longer a very competent middle linebacker. Commissioner Goodell, the networks and Lewis' future employer ESPN have spent the last three weeks attempting to sweep the infamous events of Atlanta under the rug while celebrating Ray's recently bloated tackles numbers. (Studying Lewis on tape will also reveal the sheer ridiculousness of the tackle statistic. Every time Lewis approaches the pile you he is credited with bringing down the ball carrier.) One can not quantify Lewis' ability to call defenses or  inspire others around him. He is the unquestioned heart and soul of the Ravens. But physically, he is simply not Ray Lewis any longer.

I wonder if Jim Harbaugh won't look at the tape of the 2012 Baltimore Ravens and notice the slow, aging middle linebacker wearing #52. I wonder if Jim Harbaugh won't unleash his running quarterback in Lewis' direction throughout the first half in an effort to test the future Hall of Famer's speed and - perhaps more importantly - stamina. I wonder if the lasting image from the final football game of the 2012 season might not be Kaepernick surging down the sideline while Lewis watches from a distance.

I also wonder if Lewis isn't capable of channeling the Ghost of Super Bowl Past and delivering one more brilliant on-field performance. Knowing he'll wake up Monday morning a former player, will Lewis leave everything available to him on the Superdome carpet?

For me it is the most intriguing match-up of Super Bowl XLVII. Colin Kaepernick, in style and ability, is the future of the sport. Ray Lewis is the immediate past. Will the NFL take its first major step into tomorrow? Or will the sport pause one final time to reflect on previous greatness?


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  • First time I lived in a town where the hometown team was headed to a SB, and damn am I jealous of these folks here.

  • In reply to ben in norcal:

    May also be my first official first as well, although that may really irritate some folks on this blog but whatever. Can't please 'em all.

    Just sucks being here watching everyone celebrate a ride that started at candlestick against my beloved Bears.

  • In reply to ben in norcal:

    Especially since I was there with a bunch of niner friends to witness that brutal ass-whoopin we took. It was tough but I kept my head up.

  • In reply to ben in norcal:

    I'm staying away from my friend who's a 9er fan unless they lose the SB. If the 9ers win, then I'm just gonna have to stay away from for a year.

    He's also always been a Clipper fan, even in the dark ages of Danny Manning, and we at least used to rag on him for that, but now they're also pretty good!


  • And I have no clue who has the upper hand in this one, if it was just Lewis vs Kap, Lewis has no chance. I think it's about the brothers, I think we'll see some wrestling/screaming/fighting kinda stuff by halftime between the Harbaughs. Or atleast I hope so.

  • Ben! Owning this thread.

    Persomally, I am r-out-ing for the elder bro. Not because I think he's a better coach (if I was picking Bros, jimmy would be my pick), but because I like the ravens, and don't like the 9ers.

    Should be a good game though.

  • Stopping Kaep will have little to do with Ray Lewis. No way is he going to be tasked with spying Kaep.

    This game is going to be all about how well the OLBS of the Ravens handle the option.

    The Packer LBs looked totally lost like they never saw the read option before. They frequently just froze, tackling neither the QB or RB.

    The Falcons played it more conservatively essentially had their DE spy and always go for Kaep, which opened up major lanes for Gore to gash them because the Falcon's D is bad and can't tackle anyone.

    The Ravens I think will take the opposite approach. I think the Ravens will blitz the shit out the 9ers, hitting Kaep as much as possible, and take their chances against the pass. Pollard will probably sneak up and be that extra man in the box, and he can lay down the wood on Gore or Kaep. Pollard might actually be the biggest factor to stopping the option.

    This means a lot of man against Davis and Crabtree. If anyone can cover Davis, it's Reed. But this will be a huge matchup to watch. They'll probably switch off who takes Crabtree - our very own Graham might be charged with the duty. Usually either Davis or Crabtree have big games, but if the secondary can stifle them, then that would stall their O. That's what the Hawks and Rams did when they beat the 9ers (Scoring points on O is another way to help out the Raven's D since it will make the 9ers one demensional and essentially take away the read-option).

    Ray Lewis, like Lach, will mostly be in responsible for aligning players properly and cleaning up from time to time. Lewis will meet Gore a few times in the hole, and that ought to be interesting, but I don't really see a big game from him.

    The bigger factors will be Ngata, Suggs, Reed and even Pollard who has a knack for big plays.

    That's just my take.

  • Why we are not drafting an OT...

    A lot of mock drafts have the Bears taking an OT with the first pick (Land Johnson specifically), but the more I dwell on it, the less I think it will happen.

    Here is why.

    1. We're getting an OT in FA.

    It's gonna happen. Long is too much. But Emery has ties to Albert, and Kromer has ties to Bushrod. We'll at the very least buy Bushrod (I think I did that in TJ once, but I was very drunk).

    This means...Bushrod, etc, becomes our LT, and Webb kicks out to RT, with Scott as the swing OT, while they figure out what to do with Carimi (maybe make him a G with a full offseason).

    2. Webb is like a Siren...

    It might dismay some to know that Webb will still be starting at OT, but it's gonna happen. Webb is 6'7 330 pound 24 yr old with two years starting experience. I know the way coaches think, and all those factors are like a big boobs tantalizing a horny man, and as such, logic goes out the window.

    3. Following precedent.

    Keep in mind that Trestman reduced the sack rates on the Allouettes from like 60 to 22 with the SAME personnel. I see him essentially following that precedent (he is a lawyer), and trusting Kromer (who produced 10 PB olinemen) to "coach up" Webb or Carimi. (like what Tice deja vu, except he sucked).

    What does this mean for our draft? This means that I fully expect the Bears to draft a WR/TE in the first.

    4. Scheme

    Part of the equation to reducing sacks in the West Coast O is to be able to throw it quickly to receivers who run precise routes and display good hands to move the chains. Trestman has a new car in Cutler, and he's gonna wanna pimp him out.

    I'm not sure which the Bears are most likely to draft because I don't know how highly they grade TE Eifert, TE Ertz or WR Keenan Allen or WR Patterson. Whomever Emery grades highest will most likely get drafted. Probably it's Eifert, which would mean that in the 2nd Emery can still swing by and pick up a solid WR or ILB (Kevin Minter, etc) depending on which has the highest value.

    Emery will then pick up a G/C in the 4rth and beyond because typically they're devalued and not seen as "impact" players like Emery has claimed he wants.

    In other words, don't expect a total overhaul to the Bear Oline in 2013 (hate to be the bear-er of bad news).

    The way I see, we'll basically play the same oline.





  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    I know you're a huge draft guy so there's nothing I can add to that part. However, I really don't believe we gloss over this shitty OL. I could see us getting Bushrod. Albert isn't going anywhere. Andy Reid knows O and he won't let Albert get away. Same with Clady. Who know's if Long gets the money he wants? If he does, it won't be from the Beloved. I don't see us passing on a G/C in the second rd. If we don't get a very good OT in FA I'm guessing we get one in the first rd. No way we go into next season without a makeover on the OL.

  • In reply to CanadaBear:

    Yeah, my whole argument is based on the premise that the Bears will sign an OT in FA, Bushrod most likely.

    But then comes the most interesting question: are we ok with Webb at RT, or do we bench him for a "project" OT in the draft like Lane Johnson or a pure RT like D.J. Fluker?

    I'm guessing when push comes to shove, Trestman and Co will want to work with Webb personally for at least one year before drafting a new OT.

    As for C/G, if the Bears draft one in the 2nd, he'd have to be an immediate starter, which means benching Carimi or Garza. Will the Bears do that? I highly doubt it. It would take major balls for the new regime to bench a 1st rounder, or start a rookie Center in an entirely new system over a vet like Garza.

    Keep in mind that we also have James Brown who came in at LG late in the season.

    All this leads me to believe that C/G will not be a priority. Emery has pretty much said that he wants his first 3 draftees (we don't have a 3rd this year) to come in and contribute right away, and I see a starting TE or 2nd/3rd WR/KR/PR/SPteamer as fitting more into that Emery plan "impact" over depth.

    Naturally, this is all conjecture on my part, but conjecture based on some Bear reality.

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    Kromer isnt tantalized by those big boobs. Alex Brown was on last night and said Kromer uses a lot of one on one drills, if you cant block the guy, you're out and he will find someone that can! I'm not saying he wont coach Webb up, Im saying his days of "potential" are over. If he cant block one on one, which he hasnt shown too often he can, then he will be out of there. I like everything Ive heard about this guy, hes turned lower round choices into all pros and pro bowlers. We will either see a new and very competent Webb out there, or we wont see him at all!!

  • In reply to #76 Mongo Murph:

    MURPH!!! Back to the mainland with sexy tanlines and all! Welcome back.

    Agree 100% here my man.

    $, I like the limb you went out on to throw out a totally creative line here, but think that there's no way in hell they don't do drastic things to/for the oline... which includes a very public and big OL pick at #20.

    ...even if it's just to placate the restless chicago natives and the press. If they don't do big things to the line it will be seen by fans as the status quo and that all of these big changes in the guard didn't actually translate to drastically needed 5-6 years of on-field changes.

    I think they are stuck. Even if we get bushrod (so fun to say!) or Albert, they still need to go with a big press-covered #20 OL pick and probably in the 3rd (and maybe even 4th too) pick.

    I get the TE thing, but not convinced we’re going to waste a rd 1 or even rd2 on one. If anything I think trestman thinks he can turn KD around, who’s shown (VERY) sporadic promise… unlike webb who’s shown almost none. You just have to teach KD to fucking catch… webb can’t do, at his core, what is needed from a guy at his position.

    My $.02

  • In reply to #76 Mongo Murph:

    You're right, Murph. But Kromer won't be able to get his hands on Webb until well after FA and the draft have passed. Right now all he has to go on is tape. That's the dilemma. Do the Bears sign Bushrod, then draft Lane Johnson before Kromer can even find out if Webb is just the victim of Martz, Tice and Lovie?

    In that scenario we would actually have a surplus of OTs.

    Lane Johnson

    Personally, I would try to trade Webb for a 3rd (maybe we can get our 3rd back from MIA who are gonna lose Long), sign Bushrod, draft Lane Johnson at 20, make Scott our swing OT and try a healthier stronger Carimi at G.

    We can then pick up TE Ertz in the 2nd, and go BPA from there.

    But I'm not the Bears GM (sad tear).

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):


  • I cannot root for anything that would give that self-promoting phony, Ray Lewis a storybook ride into the sunset.

    YES, he's been a great kinebacker. One of the best all time.

    NO, I don't think he murdered anybody but I DO believe he obstructed justice.

    YES, I think all his "religuous" mumblings are TOTATLLY self-serving, UTTERLY disingenuine and COMPLETELY just part of his "poser / preening /is the camera lookin' at me?" act /persona.

  • In reply to Albertintucson:


    I WAS rooting for the Ravens, but Ray is slowly changing my mind. I was sorta hoping he would pull a hamstring or something and not be able to play in the SB, so I can totally root for the Ravens, but that didn't happen.

    If the Raven's do lose, I hope Ray Lewis thanks God for losing. If you can praise God for winning, then you can praise him for losing.

    Just once I would like these Warner-types to praise God as enthusiastically when they lose as when they win.

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    Who knows how much Lewis knew about that fateful night? I totally agree with you about the phony religious hooey. He's always been one to know where the cameras are.

  • In reply to CanadaBear:

    I think he was conveniently vague about providing details of what he witnesses and I believe he at least helped dispose of/destroy evidence.

    Bottom line: I think he's a phony, persona-wise, and I hope he crashes and burns as an anlayst on the four-letter though I will not be there to see it as I will refuse to watch any program that features him.

    My opinion is much the same about Michael Irvin. who I hate to see over on NFL Net. I figure sooner or later he eventually falls-off-the-wagon.

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    There's Ray Lewis, the shameless self-promoter wearing God on his sleeve, and the humble Mike Singletary. After the Bears won the SB, I remember an interview with him a day or two later. They asked Mike if he went out and celebrated after the victory. Paraphrasing, but his reply was something like I just went back to my hotel room with my wife and we prayed and thanked God for all the blessings in our life.

  • In reply to Brotop:

    Ray Lewis is like a modern Elmer Gantry.

  • In reply to Brotop:

    Elmer Gantry. We know how ell THAT ended.

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    Just like Reg Mackworthy on EB&D.

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    I'm going to go ahead and be the lone Ray Lewis Defender.

    1st. Ray Lewis might be the best defender of all time. I rank him second at linebacking behind Butkus. But it's his ability to make his teammates play at a higher level that makes him the best defender of all time. And how does he do this? Well, I'd have to assume that most of it comes from his ability to wear his emotions on his sleeve which serves to fire up his teammates. That whole pregame hoopla, that every team now does, where the team gets together in a frenzied circle of testosterone, started with Ray Lewis. Maybe that part of his personality comes across as self promoting when he's not in cleats, but I'll take the bad with good.

    2. I get tired of all the "I've been saved, praise Jesus" too. But to say that it's fake because he at one time ran with a shady crew and took part in shady activities when he was 21, 22, is crazy. I mean, what do we all say when some young NFL player gets in trouble time and time again? We say, "when are these guys going to see that they have the world by the balls and not fuck it up?". But when Ray Lewis actually does this, we say it's a PR move and it's fake. I cry foul on that one. Since his involvement in the murder, whatever that involvement entailed, he's been a model NFL citizen and one helluva leader on and off the field. Jesus or no Jesus, the dude changed his life. He was young, realized he was being a jerk off, and grew up. Why should we find fault in that?

    3. How long has Ray Lewis been playing? 17 years or some shit? At middle linebacker? You've got to be kidding me. The way he hits? Dudes a phenom and I can't help rooting for him.

    Go Ravens. Crush the fluffyniners. I hate those fools. Hate 'em. I know Canada hears me.

  • One question. If Ray Lewis never announces that he will retire after this season, does his team get to the Superbowl?

    I still believe Ray Lewis and Ed Reed will lay down the hit stick and make Colin an average quarterback.

  • You are dreaming. Ray the Mink Coat Killah is broken down and playing on instinct.

    Bowman and Willis both have about 2x of Ray's game. Maybe 4x.

    Ed Reed can hold Dashon Goldson's jock. Reed is a little less broken down, but this is not the Ed Reed of old.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    Something tells me that if this is really Ray Ray's last game.. He will go all out.

  • Blah blah blah... Who cares.

    Fuck 'em both.

    I'm rooting for Bane.

  • I bet that turtle smells like bigfoots dick.

  • Dude. I am fucking dying right now.

    Are you fucking serious?

    Next time I'm in Chitown, you and I are having a beer. First one's on me.

    btw, I think I'll be there within the next 2-3 weeks.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    For sure MB.

  • Based on that photo alone, I'd say that's highly probable.

  • 60% of the time it works all the time.

  • Fuck Ray Lewis. Here's a good read on the murder. I wonder if he thanked god after he got away with whatever part he played in it!!!! Go San Fran

  • don't really get all the ray ray hate. I understand the murder piece of it, but don't get why you'd root for the 9ers just cause a him.

    Meh, whatever. Go Ravens!

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I really couldn't care less about either team so with him being on one of them I'll root against the Ravens.

  • In reply to JerseyBear:

    Fair enough.

    If you weren't a Bears fan, which team would you choose?

    For me it's the ravens. Similar attitude, similar D personality, similar stars (reed = peanut, lewis = lach, ngata = pep, etc...). And for what it's worth, I like the dark color scheme unis.

    Have always hated the 9ers and their lame red unis. Although I still wish Jimmy had come home to replace lovie 2-3 years ago (whenever it was)

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    IDK, San Fran has a vicious D as well. You have to respect the way Jimmy got that team going as soon as he got there.
    Where do you think we'd be if we had that kind of O-line? I'll answer that - Playing this weekend!

  • In reply to JerseyBear:

    100% man. Love willis, golston, the smiths, rodgers, etc...... just don't like them. Never have, never will.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I meant the org... that was confusing.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I hear ya. It's like my hatred for any Philly sports team. Can't stand them. It's been a good year in that respect!

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I thought this was on some "You Really Got a Hold On Me" shit...

    "I don't like you, but I love you" and what not.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    hahahaha... nope, just lazy grammar and syntax. From me... who woulda thunk huh?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    2 years MB. Think about that. That team sucked balls under Singletary. (clever right?). Harbaugh rolls into town and they go to the NFC Championship his first season and damn well might win the Super Bowl in just his second. Guess that should give us hope for the Bears. Although he did have a lot of early round talent on both lines to work with which the Bears do not.

  • In reply to Johnnywad:

    And look what Chuck-Strong/Arians did with the worst team this year. I know they were riding on the emotional wave, but they won as many games as the Chiefs this year; they changed from a 4-3 to a 3-4. Totally implemented a new offense with a rookie QB/HB and shitty oline, and one good WR.

    We are better than most teams; we just never could beat the elite because that requires more than talent, but actual coaching strategy and game planning. Hope to god Trestman and crew solve that issue.

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    Precisely. I like our chances right now. Emery and Trestman appear to be all business.

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    what are....

    "coaching strategy"... and ... "game planning"

    Sorry, you'll have to explain those two, I'm a Bears fan.

  • In reply to MB30SD:'s the best Ray Lewis Murder 101 story I've seen, and people can make their own final judgement on all things "Ray Ray" with this as a guide. You should read the whole thing, but because I am never failing in helping you readers be lazy, here's a few key edited 'graphs to consider.

    After racing from the scene, Lewis’ limo didn’t return to his hotel, the Georgian, but instead to the Holiday Inn Express where Sweeting was staying. Lewis then took a cab back to the Georgian.
    It didn’t take long for police to find the limo, shot through with bullet holes, blood in the interior. It sat just a mile from the crime scene, and when cops walked into the lobby, they found Lewis’ driver, Fassett, trembling and chain-smoking.
    Fassett told the police he’d seen Sweeting, Oakley and Lewis all fighting and provided details that only an eyewitness could know. He said he’d heard Oakley boast, “I stabbed mine,” and Sweeting reply, “I stabbed mine, too.” When police got to Lewis’ room, they found blood there, too — but not Lewis, who had fled to his fiancée’s family home.
    A few hours after the murders, at about 6 a.m., Lewis had called Robertson and asked her to go to the Georgian and pack up everything he’d left behind. A jailhouse informant, meanwhile, told cops that Lewis was using one of his sisters to relay messages to Sweeting, telling him not to worry, that Lewis would never betray him.
    Lewis himself felt he had little to worry about. The Ravens were standing firmly behind him. Lewis’ own private investigators beat the cops to just about every witness in the limo; they all got lawyers. His driver, Fassett, became increasingly unsure of what went down that night.
    The trial began on May 15, 2000, and quickly fell apart. The state’s star witness, Fassett, recanted much of what he had told police. He swore he’d never seen Lewis strike anyone.
    By the trial’s second week, Lewis wasn’t even attempting to appear respectful. He sat at the defense table and scrawled his autograph over and over. Finally, on June 4, Lewis’ attorney and the prosecution cut a deal. Lewis would testify against Sweeting and Oakley in exchange for one year’s probation on obstruction of justice. Lewis testified he saw Oakley fighting in the melee and that Sweeting had told Lewis he’d been punching with the same hand that cupped a knife.
    Here, too, the prosecution miscalculated. On June 13, 2000, the jury acquitted both men on charges of murder and assault. They spent just five hours deliberating.
    Chalk it up to police incompetence, the force of an NFL team/owner racing to save his "investment" and ultimately, a just outcome.

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    All I can think after reading the story NJ Bear linked are the police &/or the DA were incompetent. If you get not guilty after only 5 hours, that was a pretty weak case. Not saying all 3 aren't guilty but it's not what you know but what you can prove.

    If Lewis does games I'll still watch. No problem missing the studio show. I can't imagine he will be worse than Irvin. Irvin is the worst on TV and that's saying a lot. Here's Irvin telling the oldest joke in the world. "HOW DID THAT CHICKEN, THE BIGGEST, BADDEST CHICKEN IN THE WORLD, GET TO THE OTHER SIDE? I MEAN ALL THE WAY OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH WAIT, I MESSED THAT UP! IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE! THAT CHICKEN WAS BAD AND AIN'T NOBODY GONNA MESS WITH THAT CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" His yelling and screaming would continue for at least another minute before Deion breaks in chuckling and telling him he's right.

  • In reply to CanadaBear:

    +1 on the Irvin rant, you nailed that perfectly Canada. Still better than Skip Bayless though.

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    thanks Al. Interesting.

    Doesn't change how I think of him as a LB.

    Also wonder how many NFL players don't get caught with stuff like this. My guess is lots.

  • here you go Irish... Rivera Pictures&loc=3

    1/2 Puerto Rican, 1/4 Black, 1/4 German.

    ...I'm easing into it.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Oh, come on, she's not chocatley enough for Irish. She's two shades lighter than Hale Berry, who is lighter than me when I get a tan!

    Here you go Irish

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    Do Rihanna and Beyonce count? they are both smoking fucking hot

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    this is a better face shot (pun intended) of Rihanna:

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Maybe more like this?

    That's David Bowe's wife, btw.

    Remember when he was supposed to be gay?

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    Also, for some reason, I just thought of all the smoking hot chicks in the "Freedom" vid by George Michaels (I guess gay folk really do have the best taste).

    Man, I would have sold my soul in my teens to have hooked up with these girls (all at once - I drive a hard bargain).

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    yeah, you and every other teenager in history.

    And bowie's wife is def beautiful.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I'm not a big fan of either one.

  • In reply to CanadaBear:


  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Not at all. Just don't find either one of them smoking hot. Rhianna has horrible tits. Beyonce has fake tits. Not a fan of their music. What do you have left? Just not my cup of tea.

  • In reply to CanadaBear:

    I was obviously kidding. Agree on rhianna's boobs. Nothing gives me the softies like bad boobies... not matter how hot the rest is.

    I think beyonce is really a beautiful woman, although she's probably pretty thick in real life.

    They're singers!??!

  • You know, this whole Ray Lewis thing is kind of funny in a dark comedy type of way.

    It wasn't until Ray Lewis got linked to murder that he became a "mentor".

    So, what happened? How did Lewis go from a bad ass linebacker like Willis to becoming the mentor to every NFL knucklehead?

    Answer: STREET CRED.

    How fucked up is that? Not only was he linked with double murder, but was also found to obstruct justice. In other words, Lewis didn't "snitch" his buddies out, and that gained him a lot of respect from all the players. How else do you explain his sudden ascension to NFL unofficial pastor?

    All the fuck-ups looked up to him, and maybe felt more comfortable opening up to him then say the squeaky clean real minister Reggie White, or Warner or more recent Tebow.

    Just like if you're in AA or NA - your sponsor is usually an ex-addict.

    Go figure.

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    god works in mysterious ways my son.

    (Religion... still aiding and abiding the worst of humanity after all this time)

  • In reply to MB30SD:


    The Bishop tells us: ‘When the boys come back
    ‘They will not be the same; for they’ll have fought
    ‘In a just cause: they lead the last attack
    ‘On Anti-Christ; their comrades’ blood has bought
    ‘New right to breed an honourable race,
    ‘They have challenged Death and dared him face to face.’

    ‘We’re none of us the same!’ the boys reply.
    ‘For George lost both his legs; and Bill’s stone blind;
    ‘Poor Jim’s shot through the lungs and like to die;
    ‘And Bert’s gone syphilitic: you’ll not find
    ‘A chap who’s served that hasn’t found some change.’
    And the Bishop said: ‘The ways of God are strange!’

    - Seigfried Sassoon

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    Vidal's Brother?

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    props for some Sassoon 4ever. Him and Wilfred Owen are two of my favourite poets.

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    but he did snitch, didn't he? i thought he testified against his boys?

  • A sign in the Jets locker room:

  • In reply to gpldan:


  • From Jeff's twitter account....

    "Like Lovie & respect his time in Chicago. But when he interviewed the 1st question was, "Whyd you fail to develop an offense in 9 years?"

    Those are contradictory statements in my mind. How can you respect that?

  • and now for something completely different:

    Why can we not have these kind of commercials during the superbowl??

  • In reply to lobotobear:

    I don't give a sheite what your selling but ..."I'll take what ever you are selling...great meeting boyz....

  • In reply to lobotobear:


    "I don't know what that means... how did you stuff your tits in there?!"

    The tick! You guys remember the tick? Awesome... I think his voice was done by cutty? from sienfeld (the annoying chick's boyfriend)

    (btw, I'm not at all into this nerdy stuff... well ok, MW3 maybe but not the REAL nerdy stuff... but I think I may have to check out comicon this year since it's in my back yard and I've never gone)

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I've been wanting to check out comicon for a while, but I always want to buy the tickets last minute, when they're all sold out.

    Comicon for nerds? If nerds like this, sign me up!

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    btw, I know I suck at the maths (sorry Doc), but there's only si.... oh... ohhh.... OHHHHHHHH!


  • In reply to MB30SD:

    maybe we hook it up down there this year. when is it?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I'm not a big enough nerd to memorize it...k...July 18-21 according to google...

    Damn, that's too far away to know what the fuck I'll be doing by then, but when it gets near, I'm down.

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    nice. Looks like a couple playas would have the pick of the litter amongst a literal sea of nerds.

    I'll keep my eye on it.

  • MB,

    For Irish - Melodie Monrose, 5'10'' of pure hot chocolate from Martinique:

    (Safe-For-Work head shots. GoogleImage the name with safe-search 'off' for more Monrose / less clothes).

    Martinique is right next door to Rihanna's Barbados. WTF?

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    yeah, she's beautiful.

  • Maybe I can take up watching triple jumping during the football offseason...

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    huh, I was actually thinking of taking up hurdling... watching.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Holy sheite that Australian is smoking hot AND she's a winner. Maybe not as exotic as Slovenia, but I'll take that mate!

    Watching Chinese Olympians always make me feel dirty, like Chris Hansen is gonna pop out of my closet or something.

    This hurdling...not so hot...

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    that episode was funny. The one with the gums wasn't unattractive... if she didn't smile.

    Poll vaulting anyone (see how I did that?):

  • this shit is actually fucking funny:

    One of you who work in an office should try this for a full week.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Thanks Soledad, you ignorant slut. Some of us don't think "Jar Jar Binks" when we hear a Jamaican accent.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:


    Hooray Beer!

  • Who will Ray Lewis stab this week?

  • Kaepernick's turtle maybe? It ain't going to be Keapernick.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    technically it's a tortoise, but hey

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Where did you learn Biology? YouTube?

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:


  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Technically, that's not the same as classes, but hey:

    "A turtle's not a tortise, that's not hard to understand"
    But a tortoise is a turtle, even if it lives on land.
    Turrrrr-tle, nyeah-nyeah-nyeah-nyeah-nyeah.
    Turtle-urtle-urtle-urtle, nyeah.

  • In reply to Crunch Buttsteak:

    Are Tortoises Turtles, Too?

    Turtles are an order, or large group, of reptiles. This order is divided into smaller groups called families. One of these families of turtles is the tortoise family. So, yes, tortoises are turtles, too.

    ...uuuhhhh, oh. Damn you mom and dad!

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    oh and like is like classes now?!?! So there!

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I posted that link from HowStuffWorks because I was ashamed to link the true source of my knowledge - a YouTube comment by someone named "reanimatedfish":

    reanimatedfish 1 day ago
    Point of order; All tortoises are actually turtles. They're a subset that lives on land. Conversely, not all turtles are Tortoises. Now keep calm and video meme on.

    I fixed the Turtle Song myself, however.

  • sorry Irish, this is MUCH more my style.

    Holy Yummy!

  • and this is funny... even though it's a year old:

    Check cutty's first comment. Awesomeness!

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    yes I know... that was part of the joke. jesus, common guys.

  • Thing I read about the Ray Lewis fiasco that put me off was that the white suit he was wearing that night was never seen again. Was thought to have been disposed of. Seems pretty shady to me.

  • In reply to ben in norcal:

    That was the red flag for me too.

  • File this under, "Are you F'ing kidding me?!"

    Joe Flacco wants Brees cash, ($20 M per year).

    That's ridiculous! If the Ravens win, and Flacco still wants that much money, I franchise him, and trade him to the highest bidder next season.

    Thanks for the ring Flacco, now like Dilfer, go to another team and suck for $100 M.

  • hey shady, my little guy... who's quickly earning the nickname 'wreckingball' scratched up my MW3 disk beyond recognition (I don't even know how he did it) this weekend and now it isn't even getting recognized in my PS.

    What to do lad... what. to. do?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Your son is obviously telling you that you need to go out and buy CODBO2.


  • I'm not sure what's more interesting...

    1. Ray Lewis' first NFL career sack was of current Niners coach Jim Harbaugh.

    2. The ginormous size of the shoulder pads he wore at the time.

    3. The NFL was on TNT.

  • In reply to Shady:

    Uh, link to photo(s) please!

  • In reply to Shady:

  • In reply to Shady:

    I kinda figured that a site names stucknut wasn't going to have ray lewis pics.

    Btw, the answer to the question posed (upton vs. pinder) is...

    ...yes please.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    and I specifically enjoyed this item in the comments section, "I voted for Kate Upton. I want to turn her upside down and eat gravy out of her pussy"

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I'm sorry, did you buy BO2 yet? chop chop

  • In reply to Shady:

    fuck man, just when I found the right wee-pon for my run around like a fucking crazy chicken with his head cutt off style, I gots to start all over again!? Fuck me.

    btw, you KNOW lucy pinder would destroy you in bed. jesus, what a mynx. meyow baby!

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    That's not a minx...

    THIS, is a minx...

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    There is a place on BO2 where you have everything unlocked.

  • shhhhhhhhh erik.... until you get a man's gaming station.


  • In reply to Shady:

    Want me to ruin it for you?

    She kinda looks like Ricki Lake.

  • In reply to Shady:

    I thought the same thing actually. Or like punky brewster when she grew up (can't remember her real name). I'd still fuck her in the ear.

    Know when chicks say an accent bumps a guy up a point or two... well huge tits do that for me... like 3 points.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    How about "Mary" here?

    +4.5 points for the chesticles by your scoring system
    -5.0 points for the Fran Drescher laugh

  • In reply to Shady:


  • In reply to Shady:

    btw, I looked for it in the store and it's not there. You mean I actually have to go out and buy a fucking disc? Jesus, I thought we've come farther than this.

  • Reposted from above because it needs to be said twice:

    I'm going to go ahead and be the lone Ray Lewis Defender.

    1st. Ray Lewis might be the best defender of all time. I rank him second at linebacking behind Butkus. But it's his ability to make his teammates play at a higher level that makes him the best defender of all time. And how does he do this? Well, I'd have to assume that most of it comes from his ability to wear his emotions on his sleeve which serves to fire up his teammates. That whole pregame hoopla, that every team now does, where the team gets together in a frenzied circle of testosterone, started with Ray Lewis. Maybe that part of his personality comes across as self promoting when he's not in cleats, but I'll take the bad with good.

    2. I get tired of all the "I've been saved, praise Jesus" too. But to say that it's fake because he at one time ran with a shady crew and took part in shady activities when he was 21, 22, is crazy. I mean, what do we all say when some young NFL player gets in trouble time and time again? We say, "when are these guys going to see that they have the world by the balls and not fuck it up?". But when Ray Lewis actually does this, we say it's a PR move and it's fake. I cry foul on that one. Since his involvement in the murder, whatever that involvement entailed, he's been a model NFL citizen and one helluva leader on and off the field. Jesus or no Jesus, the dude changed his life. He was young, realized he was being a jerk off, and grew up. Why should we find fault in that?

    3. How long has Ray Lewis been playing? 17 years or some shit? At middle linebacker? You've got to be kidding me. The way he hits? Dudes a phenom and I can't help rooting for him.

    Go Ravens. Crush the fluffyniners. I hate those fools. Hate 'em. I know Canada hears me.

  • I LOVED this play:

    So awesome man.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I'd take you for more of this type:

  • yes, that one too.


  • 1. No questioning his talent. Got to be in the top 10 MLB of all time, maybe even top 5 when all is accounted for.

    2. His "conversion" is what annoys me most. This is just totally personal bias, but those "born again" evangelicals annoy the fuck out of me. It's usually ex-cons, ex-alcoholics, ex-addicts, ex-losers all around who are "born again" then summarily go around telling everyone how they're going to hell unless they become like them. Hey, you changed your life. Good for you. Not everyone had to go to prison for rape or murder to become a decent human being.

    Just recently Ray Lewis was quoted as essentially saying only God can defeat the Ravens. WTF? Also, if he was a true Christian, then doesn't he have to tell the truth? The truth shall set you free, right? Well, where's the white suit, Lewis? He REFUSES to talk to the victim's family or answer truthfully about that night. I don't think Jesus would hide behind a team of lawyers. At least Vick came clean. NO ONE believes Lewis did nor ever will while he simultaneously is going about praising god and advising men how to live. Rule #1. Hire a team of Lawyers. Rule #2 Follow God, but only if your lawyers think it's a good idea.

    3. See part 1.

    Look, I understand that not everyone who is great at something is going to be a saint. In fact, many geniuses are dick heads.

    I like Wagner's music, but he was an anti-Semitic, egotistical backstabber who would throw his own mother in front of a carriage to get ahead. I can separate the two usually.

    But if Liszt and Wagner ever had a Musical Super Bowl, I'd be rooting for Liszt!

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    I guess my point is that it's easy to say he's hiding behind Jesus because a team of lawyers told him to, but how do we know that's why? When other people of the type you've described do this, they usually stumble and the transparency of the "Jesus changed my life" is plain for all to see. But how do we know Ray did so because a team of lawyers told him to, or because he actually believes it? To err on the side of former strikes me as cynical hater-ism. The guy hasn't stumbled once, to my knowledge, since the incident. And multiple baby mama's don't count. None of us knows how hard it must be to say no to free flying gratis pussy.

  • god knows doc, and you know this... that I never say no to free flying gratis pussy....

    ...unless it's under a 7, then it might as well not be free.

  • I'm not in the camp who thinks Lewis a snake-oil conman. I do believe he's sincere, but delusional people almost by definition must be sincere - still doesn't mean they're not annoying.

    Jim Jones was probably as sincere, and maybe just slightly more annoying.

    Also, I'm not the moral police by any stretch - I have nothing against Cromartie, AKA "Child Support" - but at least he's not going around quoting a book that kinda looks down on that sorta thing.

    BTW, NOTHING is free. flying gratis pussy at the very least cost about two mai-tais, a nice dinner and 40 bucks at a Motel 8 unless you're straight pimping like my boy Tobi with his full length Coyote coat and Caddy.

    Bang Bang!

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    Dude, I want a full-length coyote coat maings. Wheres can I gets onea thems? You know, fo tha bitches.

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

  • In reply to 4ever85 (O Canada!):

    Guys. Gratis is gratis.

    When you're Ray Lewis, you don't pay for pussy. Not the first dip at least.

  • Fuck Ray Lewis.

  • 1) Ray Lewis rents a stretch limo and heads to Atlanta from Baltimore with his entourage.

    2) They stop at a sporting goods store, and some people in the group buy knives.

    3) After the SB, his entourage gets in an altercation at a club. Two people are stabbed to death.

    4) Everyone in the entourage hastily jumps in the stretch limo and they speed away, with gunshots being fired at them.

    5) Stretch limo and driver are found that night, and driver confesses what happened as far as he knows.

    6) Ray Lewis not at his hotel and on the run, and other suspects not found.

    7) Ray's white suit, probably worth several grand, is never found again.

    8) After being in hiding, Ray turns himself in.

    9) Ray's private investigators and attorneys have time to talk to all the suspects before the police.

    10) 15 or 16 days AFTER the altercation, Ray's two other accomplices charged with murder come out of hiding and turn themselves in.

    11) Limo driver changes his story on the stand, but no charges are ever brought against him for lying to police.

    12) Ray is rich and powerful and has the backing of the Ravens and NFL.

    13) Ray "cooperates" with police after his charges are dropped.

    14) Ray has powerful defense attorneys. The prosecution uses a DA who hadn't tried a case in over 4 years.

    15) Ray's accomplices found not guilty. Money and power win again in the criminal justice system.

    16) Ray pays off family of one victim who had a newborn child on the way in settlement in civil case.

    17) Ray wins SB MVP next year.

    18) Ray finds God and becomes a role model and symbol of the NFL. Roger Goodell gives him a long embrace before recent playoff game that makes me want to puke.

    19) If Ray Lewis wins the Walter Payton Man of the Year award this year, my head may explode.

    20) No matter what the jury outcome, I believe this self-promoter was either guilty in the murders or helped cover up justice and prevent his friends from being punished for the murder of two people.


  • New d assistant coach....retried bear anyone???? #46

  • In reply to lobotobear:

    Doug Plank?

    The Poster Child for "Why You Shouldn't Lead With Your Helmet When You Tackle" ????

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    No one day after Chris Harris retires he is a Bears Coach now.

  • Ray-Ray ALWAYS knows

    A) When the camera is on him


    B) How to GET the camera on him.

    And lately he even makes Tebow look like a PAGAN.

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    Tee hee hee

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    He's just preparing for Dancing with the Stars.

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