Audibles From the Long Snapper: Tee Shirts, Barnwell, Argo & Nashville

Audibles From the Long Snapper: Tee Shirts, Barnwell, Argo & Nashville


...but we have to keep the deadline sturdy at October 31st. Halloween night. Go ahead and get yours ordered today to ensure you have one for the Bears fan you love come Christmas or Chanukah or whatever the hell religious thing you happen to enjoy. To order the shirt, CLICK HERE. They have made their way around the country and they're pretty terrific.

Rev    Izzy


I have tried my hardest to hate everything associated with Grantland - outside the brilliant Monday podcast from Simmons and Cousin Sal. But Bill Barnwell has written some of the smartest pieces on the Bears I've seen from a member of the "national" media. I don't much care where any club is ranked in October but the analysis is sound.

Here's the entirety of his piece calling the Bears the best in the game:

Yes, that's right, the Bears. The same Bears who capitulated in Green Bay in Week 2 and briefly became a national punch line because Jay Cutler threw four interceptions. That's a rough loss, but it also came in a game where Matt Forte left with an injury during the opening drive of the second half. That forced the Bears to change their offense on the fly and integrate Michael Bush into the starting lineup without many practice reps. As you might expect, the Bears are significantly better with Forte around; he's averaged a full 4.7 yards per carry this year, well ahead of backups Bush (3.6 yards per pop) and Kahlil Bell (2.7). When Forte is around, there's nothing the Bears don't do well. They're proficient running the ball, adequate throwing it, and well above-average in all facets of defense and special teams. The emergence of Henry Melton and Shea McClellin as secondary pass rushers has freed up space for Julius Peppers, while Tim Jennings has had a career year in five games at cornerback: He's set or tied career highs in interceptions (four) and passes defended (10) with 11 games left to go.

And while everybody else has a close call or two on their résumé, the Bears have been dominant in their four wins this season. In their three wins against average-or-better competition — the Colts, Cowboys, and Rams — Chicago won by a minimum of 16 points. Their one game against a cream puff, the Jaguars, resulted in a 41-3 shellacking. Every other team on this list, besides perhaps the Texans, had at least one game in which a change on one play would turn their win into a loss. That hasn't been true for the Bears. They've had some luck in producing five defensive touchdowns in five games this year, but the defense would still be good and the margins of victory would still be impressive without the bonus touchdowns from the defense.

If you want to hop on the Bears bandwagon (a place where I admittedly have to hide, myself), now's the time. Over the next three weeks, Chicago is home for games against the Lions and Panthers before traveling to Tennessee. At that point, the Bears might very well be 7-1, but their schedule will become something resembling punishment: Their next six games include matchups against the Seahawks (thankfully, in Chicago), Texans, Packers, 49ers, and a home-and-home with the Vikings. They might not have the best record in football by the time they're through with that month and a half of hell, but if they can go 3-3 or 4-2 across that stretch, I wouldn't budge them from this spot.

Of course, it also probably says something about how flawed even the league's best teams are that the team I chose for the top spot on this list is the one that was out of sight and on a bye this week. The Bears could very well lose to the Lions next Monday night and create an AFC East–esque logjam in the NFC North, and we'll all have to revisit this whole conceit again. Until that upset happens, the best team in football resides in the Windy City.

I think his last point may be his wisest one. The Bears must beat the Lions Monday night at home and cement their position in the NFC North. A loss will create a wild final ten weeks of the season.


And it features my buddy and diehard Chicago Bears fan Christopher Denham. (When not moonlighting in Hollywood pictures, Mr. Denham can be found at Josie Woods Pub on Sundays. Go see it.


DJ Noah Brier (co-founder of this here feast) and I will be heading to Nashville for the Bears vs. Titans contest on Sunday, November 4th. If you're planning to be down there drop me an email to and maybe we can coordinate a Honky Tonk locale for Bears fans to gather pre or post-game.

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  • Hopefully we still have the offense on the same page with Jay and keep giving him protection like the last game we played. I haven't seen Webb play that fast since he got here. Musta stuffed a bunch fire ants in his jock.
    Losing Alshon Jefferies to a broken hand is gonna be a blow. He and Marshall accross from each other is a great combo.
    If we can avoid the injury bug, and the defense continues to dominate while Lach gets some of his speed back, that'll give the offense more time to gel we could pull off a run to the post season.

  • In reply to MaddBearfan:

    On the bright side, Earl should be back, and hopefully Matt is back to full strength. I agree this from the article that Jeff referenced:

    "When Forte is around, there's nothing the Bears don't do well."

    Matt is so key to this team, and I'm still happy that management made the choice to keep him a Bear.

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    I have to admit. I was pretty wrong about Forte. It goes unnoticed but a lot of times Forte makes our o-line look better at run blocking than the Bears really are. You can really tell when Bush is in sometimes because he doesn't have the same burst or acceleration as Forte.

    I'm not saying the Bears can't run block but Forte makes it look really easy. It's just amazing how quickly Forte can accelerate and hit the gaps just in time. It's expected but I took it for granted last year.

  • With respect to your question concerning a starter motorcycle: Buy a Ford F150.

  • In reply to Viva:


  • and for the best advice possible...if you can't pay cash, you can't afford it.

  • buy a 1975 Porsche 911 and rebuild it from the ground up. Motorcycles are for posers....unless your Dad or Uncle rode one and may or may not have killed a guy in a bar over a pair of trip aces that may or may not have been legit.

    It's like giving yourself a nickname. It just doesn't feel right when you have to ask what a good starter motorcycle is. You should have known when you were 15 or not at all.

    Sorry mang, don't do it.

  • The only four stroke Artoo should be concerned with involves his girlfriend.

    To recap:

    Girlfriend - fun with blowing and a box
    Porsche - fun with air-cooled boxter

    there will be a test.

  • I see. Still have to look into it. I have always wanted a motorcycle.. Grew up pretty poor and sheltered. Grandparents wouldn't let me get one or even think of one.

    Seriously, my wife's dad showed me how to change the oil, transmission fluid, and other stuff. My grandparents couldn't show me that and told me to keep my nose in my books.

    I have to put my school off for two years. While I am doing that I figured that I should get a bike and go to work everyday on it. The weather in Monterey, CA is pretty consistent and it hardly rains. I get your point but damn, I have to give it a shot.

  • "When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18.

    And I could just have his motorcycle."

    - Anthony Jeselnik

  • Your grandparents are very intelligent.

    Nurses refer to mortorcylists as "Mobile Organ Donors".

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    They were. I wouldn't be racing it or anything crazy. Just need it to get me to and from where I want to go.

    Will probably stick to my bicycle.

  • Motorized vehicles with less than four wheels ans synthetic drugs are just dumb to use.
    Don't panic, its organic (I'm sure doc agrees)

  • i'm just fucking around mang, do what you got to do. We just want you to live so my vote would be no.

  • Whoa there nelly. 'My wife' .... ? Did I miss a blog post or what ?

    While I digest that ........

    For what it's worth, I tool around on a Honda Wave 110cc.
    (Board sniggers ....)
    You can go fast enough to die, but the point is not to. I wouldn't worry so much about rain as oil and sand are not your friends, and the major drawback of a bike anyway is that you can't just slam on the brakes. Also, you can drive a car in a reasonably straight line if you're drunk, but not a bike - so if you like to get over-served, do yourself, granny and your new wife (?) a favor and spend the cash on something else. Four wheels are better than two, but you're closer to the road on two and it just feels good.

    'Course, if you drive around Monterey on a 110cc people will figure you're gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  • I like Bush and what he brings to the table. He can do everything but blinding speed. Good point about Forte though, it sure as shit isn't because Garza's blazing the trail. I'd prefer a dominant center to a good LT ..... maybe next year.

    Some results this week, eh?

  • I like Bush but you can't deny that Forte brings a lot to the table.

    But I do love how Bush can get a 1st down on inches or 3rd and short.

  • I love bush, period.

    Yes, I'm going to be that guy.

    You're welcome

  • In reply to MaddBearfan:

    Earl is the original Alshon. He will be 6/6 with 5 first downs. bang bang.

  • Chargers suck. That is all.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    Phillips rivers is a fucking dbag of monster proportions.

    Hey AJ Smith... you chose.... unwisely.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    +6 blog points and Crusader Achievement for IJ reference...

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    is the world full of "Phillip Rivers is a terribly moody and inconsistent quarterback who will never take his team to the promised land" articles and videos today?

    or does that only happen when Jay has one of his multi-turnover performances?

  • In reply to evantonio:

    Nope, because Rivers gets fired up when they score or do something well. Jay is consistent in his moods. He doesn't get super high or low. Some of these d bags look at that as a weakness. They want their quarterbacks to act like assclown Rodgers does and do the discount double check.

  • In reply to JAB1:

    still can't believe he stole his TD move from an insurance company. what a putz.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    The 'Elite' Philip Rivers you mean? But he's 'elite' just like Eli ... because .... eh ...wait now ... he ... uh ..... nah it's gone.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    Yes, but who sucks more--Norv Turner or Marmalard Rivers?

  • +7 points for AH ref

  • While this may have been already posted (I've not been keeping up with Da Blog as I should of late), it won't hurt to have it out here again:

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    This is a really sad story. My youth football team played against the organization that his son plays for(luckily not the kids team)this past weekend and had a nice moment of silence for him. Scary how fucking crazy some people are. Sounds like he was just talking to the dudes girlfriend and he decided it was worth ending the guys life and his own. Now he gets to sit in jail for the rest of his life. Can't imagine losing it enough to ruin my life and the lives of so may others.

  • In reply to JAB1:

    Dude needs the chair. I guess he's bubba sized. He'll probably enjoy jail.

    Florida needs the chair. Or, chain him to a tree and let the crocs have him.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    I like that last alternative - a "green" trifecta: no electricity, food on the hoof (as it were) for wildlife, and lots of green saved by not paying for prison space.

  • Bears need to humiliate, not just beat, HUMILIATE the Lions on MNF.

  • In reply to Shady:

    Last night's Charger game is a vivid lesson of why we need to play 4 quarters of football next Monday.

  • In reply to Shady:

    As Lovie would say: "All wins are beautiful wins". Actually, I'd rather save the drubbing for the last one we play against them this year.

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    Lions need to be put in their place.

  • In reply to Shady:

    Oh and how they will be ......

  • Wow I'm really looking forward to this MNF game in SF. Strap a couple phonebooks to my chest.

  • Weird, the guy was wearing a Cowboys jersey to a 9er Giants game. Wonder if it is gang related? So sick of these puss ass gangbangers screwing up our society. Wonder how many cops would turn a blind eye is we started pummeling them in groups like they do to random people.

  • In reply to JAB1:

    We already incarcerate a greater % of our population than any other nation on earth, by a long long way.

    Locking them up isn't working. Taxpayers are eating it keeping them penned up.

    We simply have to kill them. Just start with the serial killers and rapists. Load them up, line them up, gun them down. Mass graves along the border with Mexico. That's how to start.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    If I had faith that the judicial system never gets the wrong guy, I'd agree 100%. Unless the criminal finds Jesus of course. That's an automatic get out of jail card.

  • In reply to gpldan:

    Let's do this

  • It would appear what I've always suspected. Alex Smith sucks. He sucked two years ago and then they schemed around his suckiness with plays he couldn't fuck up and a solid defense. He is excellent at handing off to Frank and Kendall however, I'll give him that. Very nice.

    We'll beat them, maybe not hammer them, but Alex Smith cannot beat us.

  • Could we get a group discount on a stab vest? What section are you in? I am bringing the kleenex since I am in the nosebleed Upper Reserve.

  • In reply to Vicp71:

    I'll be lower level eithe rnear the endzone/ visitors tunnel of around the 30 yard line on the home side. There's a group of us going and we'll have to fight over who gets which seats. No stabbing will be involved in that brawl.

  • The Arizona miracle was six years ago today? Listened to it with Jeff Joniak recounting the impossible. Jumped around the house screaming. Ah yes. Screw you Rex, we'll win the game anyway. Great memory and a comeback likely never to be repeated quite in that way.

  • Urlacher. Beast. End of story.

  • I was offered tickets to that game, but couldn't book a flight in time for kickoff, so I passed.

    Little did I know that the last five minutes of the game would have been worth every cent...

  • In reply to Viva:

    Imagine walking out of the stadium ten minutes early ....

  • Hey Super get a 650 Triumph or a small Japanese Cruiser (650-750 CC). All of these bikes are fast enough without scaring the shit out of you. Once you're profcient on one of those bikes, get whatever you want. Stay away from the sport bikes until you have some experience. Even the 600 sport bikes run like raped apes and will tail walk with very little provocation.

    Doc that's me that doesn't think Adam Sandler or Will Ferrell are funny.

  • In reply to CanadaBear:

    Thanks. I will look into them.. still searching for the right one.

    Honestly, Adam Sandler is funny to me but Will Ferrell sucks.

  • How much do you weigh Artoo and will you be riding this bike in the Chicago area. The Honda Shadow and Kawi Vulcan have engines as small as 250's so they get killer gas mileage, dont weigh much and are easy to learn on. Or if you're a real newbie get an enduro 400cc or less. You can go ride off road and get profecient then hit the streets.

  • I will be using it in the Monterey area lol 165 to 170. Great stuff.

  • Dang.. well I'm 2 bills and a 300cc bike will go around 80 with me on it. Something like this would probably be a good starter bike for you and if you're in Monterey you can do lots of off road riding.

    You can get a used one for around $2k

  • In reply to CanadaBear:

    I loved me some Adam Sandler when I was in 6th and 7th grade. His cds were legendary... Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore were fantastic.

    Then I grew up, and realized he peaked at Cajun Man/Opera Man.

    I think Will Ferrell is a pile of dog shit. That is all.

  • Ditka says "hey kid, someday when I kick the bucket, the restaurant could be called Marshalls. But you gotta WANT IT, kid."

  • Lions say "yeah, we bad. we bad ass."

  • In reply to gpldan:

    God I hate the Lions. What a giant piece of shit that article is. They got there swagger back during the bye week..And then got there asses kicked for 3 quarters. Give me a fucking break, nasty nate. Your team sucks. Your a douche, your qb is an inflatable puffy faced lesbo. Your coach is a fucking moron. Your team combined for 72 arrests in the off season and you've won 2 games. Fuck you Lions, Fuck you nasty nate. Fuck you Stafford, Fuck you Mega-douche, Fuck you shwartz. Is it Monday yet??

  • Skunk needs to be targeted more. If you look at the top performing recievers this year, over half of them are small, speedsters. Throughout the league, the trend has been to go to smaller recievers more during games. The Cobbs, Stokleys, Harvins, Williams, Nelsons and Maclins of the league are taking over the #1 WR roles from the big, physical guys that have been so popular the last 5 to 10 years. In order for teams to combat these beast Wrs in the last several years, they started drafting these tall, physical corners that could play bump and run and stay with them physically. Now, that guys like Andre Johnson, Reggie Wayne and Larry Fitzgeral are slowing down a bit, these big corners are being forced to try to keep up with these compact guys that can blow by them with their spped. I'm not saying the 6'4, 225 lb WR is dead in the league (B.Marsh proves this to be true, so does Calvin Johnson and a host of others), but the role of the small fry reciever in the league is definitely expanding. The Bears need to finally take advantage of this by throwing to Skunk more, especially when he is being flanked by a big, physical corner.

  • I just wrote a fucking opus about the need to target Skunk more based on the growing trend of small fry recievers making more of an impact, due to the fact that big, physical #1WRs are getting older and so are the big corners that were drafted to combat that trend that started 5 to 10 years ago which results in big corners being matched up against small speedsters like Harvin, Williams. Cobb, Stokely, Nelsons, Torrey Smith, etc AND IT DOESNT FUCKING POST. THIS SHIT IS LIKE MS DOS.

  • In reply to Crown:

    You mean the post right above this one?

  • In reply to Crown:

    Dude. MS-DOS BBS Systems were the shanizzle, with like Color ANSI graphics and ASCII animations.

    I would so fucking break out my modem if Jeff went to something like that over Gnome code. Gnome code sucks.

    300 baud, bitches.

  • So will anyone agree with me on the overall the O line has been playing pretty well i know there are alot of us out there who beleive that the O line is a crutch i have been screraming, no those guys will turn out to be the surprise of the season listen as long as we run the ball as well as we have the line we be fine i thing with rachel planted into the line up it gave the line some stability plus Tice 's play calling has been better too so remember Carimi really is just still a rookie i know he has given up what 3 sacks in five games not bad i scream this always this team starts with Forte first then from there end of story oh another thing Major wright is looking like a real strong safety i think i will say it do the bears have the best secondary in the league do i dare anybody

    frank deleo
    bronx ny

  • In reply to frankie5134:

    I think we will know more by the end of the season. The Bears really have their work cut out for them after the bye.

  • Fucking Rivers!!! ahhhh...I have him in both the auction and reg FF Da Blog League. How the hell can a QB get 5 points - 5!? How can someone turn the ball over on 6 of 7 possession? The Chargers were better off just punting the ball on first down. My goddam kicker got more points. As someone said, Rivers is now the Romo of the AFC!

    T-Rich getting pulled from the game didn't help either. Alright, FF rant over. The undefeateds (Me and NBIT) are now mortal. Time to walk it off...

  • "At that point, the Bears might very well be 7-1, but their schedule will become something resembling punishment: Their next six games include matchups against the Seahawks (thankfully, in Chicago), Texans, Packers, 49ers, and a home-and-home with the Vikings. They might not have the best record in football by the time they're through with that month and a half of hell, but if they can go 3-3 or 4-2 across that stretch, I wouldn't budge them from this spot."

    This is exactly why we MUST beat the Meows. We need all the wins we can get before we hit that brutal stretch. Also, really need division wins for tiebreakers if the NFC does become NFC Eastish.

    The Pack are gonna go on a run. We just gotta outpace them, and meet them at Soldier Field on Xmas. Then, we finish what we started and restore order to the football universe.

  • CHI-GB was on Christmas last year.........this year, the packers return to The House That Raji Shook on Dec. 16th.

  • In reply to thebigcheese:

    so so so lame man. Would you even be here if the texans would have actually shown up to that game and smacked you down like they were supposed to... doubt it.


  • Fuck the lions (twice), fuck the Vikings (twice), and FUUUUUUUCK the packers while I'm in the motherfucking tizzhouse!!!!

    Bank it my bitches.

    I get the innerness back in an hour... yaaaay!

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    The Bi-Queens are good. Both games worry me. They beat the niners fair and square, they run well pass well, defend well. Tough matches for me.

  • Listening to other NFL broadcasts, as I am wont to do, and the Patriot Broadcast of their loss in Seattle is priceless.

    First, they were INCRDEULOUS when Brady was called for intentional grounding at the end of the first half resulting in a 10 second runoff that ended the half and cost the Patsies a chip shot field goal. I saw that play. It was a good call. Neither mentioned the folly of their genius coach trying to run another play with only 4 seconds on the clock instead of just taking the sure 3.

    Those 3 would have looked NICE on the board in the second half, eh Mr. Belicheat?"

    Then, late in the game, Pats up 23-17, Seattle has the ball, the play-by-play guy is VERY nervous, knowing New England should have put the game away in the first half but the color man, was basically saying "Well, they need the touchdown and if this were last week against Peyton Manning I'd be worried but it's only Russell Wilson".

    Whoop da baby!

    VERY entertaining!

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    Next, I expect more laughs from the Viking broadcast.

  • Bye Bye Chris Williams.

  • In reply to pizzatime7:

    That's how the cookie crumbles.

  • In reply to Shady:

    hee hee

  • Bye Bye Mike Holmgren

  • Bowman is back!

  • In reply to OsosFan:

    Is that good or bad?

  • In reply to tobijohn:

    Its neither. He's not good enough to matter. Just a body. If he's playing corner, we're fucked.

  • In reply to OsosFan:

    Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

  • In reply to tobijohn:

    Does this blog software suck or what?

  • OK, enough. If I were king of the world, the admins and programmers for this shitty site would be serious trouble. Maybe not marched out into the woods for a dirt nap but definitely sterilized so their bad admin and programming genws were not passed on. It would be my gift to the next generation of Bear fans....

  • Poss dupe because my posts seemto be disappearing into the ChicagoNow ether:

    OK, enough. If I were king of the world, the admins and programmers for this shitty site would be serious trouble. Maybe not marched out into the woods for a dirt nap but definitely sterilized so their bad admin and programming genws were not passed on. It would be my gift to the next generation of Bear fans....

  • OK, enough. If I were king of the world, the admins and programmers for this shitty site would be serious trouble. Maybe not marched out into the woods for a dirt nap but definitely sterilized so their bad admin and programming genes were not passed on. It would be my gift to the next generation of Bear fans....

  • In reply to tobijohn:

    LOL, OK Chicago Now wins. I'm out....

  • In reply to tobijohn:

    To the woods, right?

  • In reply to tobijohn:

    Good plan :-)

  • hee hee... hee hee

  • In reply to MB30SD:


  • Is it cliche to call B Marshall Optimus Prime? Anywho, TOTOCATS= MUERTOS!

  • In reply to OsosFan:

    Optimus Peanut ...?

  • honey badger don't give a shit:

  • I slit the sheet,
    the sheet I slit,
    and on the slitted sheet I sit.

  • Brilliant.

    Haven't heard that since forever. That's half a class' worth of material right there for me. Anytime, anyplace, anywhere. Guerilla English. Thanks.
    Just thinking about the endless possibility of things I'll hear back from girls with names like 'Porn' ......

    "I slit the clit I ..."
    "I shit on the clit ...
    "Why are you cry teasher?"
    "It's nothing, Porn, carry on ......'

  • Coffee anyone?

  • In reply to Shady:

    people who own pet birds are fucking creepy.

    New maps you say?!

  • well boyz...been in Chi-town for almost two weeks...coming back from the food coma...and pleased to say bye bye CW a pick from "Glitchy'...and the stench from the "Glitchy" era is slowly going away!!!!

  • Nice stuff!
    Great collection of youth t shirts are available at wholesale rates.

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