NFL's New Fan Conduct Test Ignores the Drunk Elephant in the Room

NFL's New Fan Conduct Test Ignores the Drunk Elephant in the Room

The following is an excerpt from an article appearing Sunday on NFL.com:

The next time a fan is kicked out of an NFL stadium for being unruly, he or she will have to take a $75 four-hour online class and pass a code-of-conduct test for readmittance.

"We're not trying to squash anyone's passion. We're just trying to say don't be violent," Dr. Ari Novick, a licensed psychotherapist who developed the idea, told the New York Post.

Stadium requirements will vary across the league, but most of the time, a booted fan will be required to pass the conduct test, Novick said.

The class is available at FanConductClass.com, and the taker must correctly answer at least 70 percent of the questions to pass.

There are a great many reactions possible to such a stance by the league but here is the unrelenting truth of the situation. The policy - its conception, implementation and enforcement - belongs right beside Roger Goodell's European fascination and the 18-game schedule on his slag heap of misguided ideas. It is more grandstanding from the King of Discipline's Park Avenue offices and it does not deserve the time I am taking to pontificate on its level of bullshittery.

First of all, how will the league actually enforce these penalties on non-season ticket holders? Hell how would they enforce the penalty ON season ticket holders? Are they going to restrict a person's ability to sell their seat? Are they going to have security officials across the country check identification now? Do they want the lines that will accrue as a result? Will they prohibit those on the secondary market from selling tickets to credit card holders on their do not admit list? This policy and rule is entirely unenforceable and it is insulting to the thousands upon thousands of fans who fill these stadiums.

But here's the best part of the article:

Novick, the creator of the concept, takes $55 from the test fee, and the rest of the money is donated to Mothers Against Drunk Driving and the HERO Campaign for Designated Drivers.

So the fee will be donated to an organization that is prohibitively against drinking. (Full disclose: I drink. Sometimes I drink to excess. I drink at every single sporting event I attend. I enjoy it and I never want it to go anywhere.) But if the NFL were serious about curbing inappropriate behavior at their football games they would:

  • NOT open their stadium parking lots four and five hours before games.
  • NOT provide legalized spaces for outdoor drinking that do not exist in any of the areas surrounding the stadiums. Exactly why is it I can drink an open beer in the MetLife parking lot on game day but would receive a citation for doing that same thing in the Outback Steakhouse lot down the road?
  • SEVER their long-standing ties with the beer (and other booze) companies that fill the airwaves and stadium real estate almost overwhelmingly.
  • STOP serving alcohol. Just don't serve it. If you were seriously concerned about fan behavior this would be your only course of action. But ask Jerry Jones or Bob Kraft how they feel about losing beer revenue and I think they'll tell you they'd rather just chuck 25 people out of the building every Sunday.

Of course the NFL could give a damn about fan behavior at games. They want people in the seats and owners want people guzzling down Coors Light and MGD at the fastest possible rate. They want fans drunk in the parking lot because a drunk fan will be far quicker to pay $10 for more booze than a sober fan. A drunk fan is far more likely to drop $100 on that shiny new jersey. A drunk fan is going to get hungry and there are plenty of overly priced sandwiches at the ready. Don't insult us with your bullshit test. And don't insult us by couching the implementation of this test as for OUR benefit.

Is behavior in these stadiums a problem? Yes I think it is. I think these stadiums have become a sort of playground for the enraged, booze-fueled inanity of a certain segment of the population. But we've all agreed to look the other way on this stuff, haven't we? Isn't that a silent pact the league and its fans have forged?

I'll deal with the loudmouth morons because, let's face it, I'm thirsty. The NFL deals with the loudmouth morons and sacrifices a family-oriented experience because, let's face it, kids don't buy beer.

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  • There are two things going on--you rightly hit one of them (the $$$), but not square.

    It's about getting money from people who are getting kicked out of the stadium (and therefore not spending more money), and it's about liability. The online test is basically a liability shield for the NFL so that if the fan later does something that injures themselves or someone else, the NFL isn't liable.

    So, ultimately, it's about money.

  • Bingo - you nailed it. It's not much different than the change to kick-off rules.
    "Look, we're doing something, we're being proactive - what more do you people want? WE'RE PEOPLE PERSONS, DAMMIT!"

  • And first.

  • bleed...

    ......aaaaaaaaand... third. Walk off you 5 please.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    er, no.

    I posted first. My "first"-ing was the second post, though. If you look at the timestamps, MBHP's reply to my first post was third.

    YOU CANNOT TAKE AWAY MY FIRSTNESS!

  • This is much ado about nothing Jeff. Public decorum is getting worse at the grocery stores let alone football stadiums. The NFL is trying to warn ass wipes that their bs is getting old. Insurance will pay the lawsuits. It's a shot across the bough to would be offenders. Kinda like air marshals. I wonder if homeland security is part of this new policy. Hmm.....

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Or maybe this...

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Defense_Authorization_Act_for_Fiscal_Year_2012

  • Firstly who cares !? if some idiot is going to get chucked out of a game because he's being a drunk knob? then has to pay $75 to get back in then thats his bad luck not mine.
    secondly to you statement if NFL were serious about curbing inappropriate behavior at their football games they would prevent the likes of Tailgating and selling beer at games. seriously ? you realize not everyone goes to these games and gets wasted ?
    The NFL is trying to encourage families to come to the grounds not drunk idiots because believe it or not ? that is where the money is, not drunks buying beer.
    If you've ever taken a couple of kids to a game ? you will know that they will not sit there for three to four hours with out the likes of food and drinks and tops and souvenirs and god knows what else kids want these days.
    A family of four will spend more than four guys drinking ever will.
    I have just started reading your blog and I'm throughly enjoying it but i think your off base here.

  • In reply to little toots:

    Your assertion on spending is interesting. Perhaps someone less lazy than I will look up the numbers.

  • In reply to little toots:

    interesting first post.

    Now lighten up Francis.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Ha ha, you had me at hello! MB, was it "the drunks buying beer" statement?

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Ha.

    no, just got the feeling he was really uptight. Just messing around as usual trac

  • In reply to little toots:

    Welcome Little Toots.

    Have to say that four drunk men paying for over-priced beer and feeding their guts is going to spend a lot more than two parents and two pop-guzzling kids. Then again I don't know how much they charge for pop.

  • The answer is:

    Too much.

  • In reply to little toots:

    Bringing my family of 4 to a Bears game is a pipe dream. That's for the 1% from the north shore or DuPage county.

  • On the points in Jeff's post, it is rather hypocritical for the NFL to go after drunks while taking the ad dinero from the slop house breweries that hawk their wares on the broadcasts.

    And Bleed and Posse, you're right - its about the money. Just like almost everything else.

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    Hypocritical. Bullshittery. Potayto. Potahto. Yep, business as usual.

  • I think the test is getting hyped too much. What this really is is a 4 hour detention. The test is there to make sure people actually sit through the detention rather than just playing it in the background while watching hockey.

    I'm going to assume there's a way to make the test enforceable (probably by flagging names on credit cards), but I'd curious to hear the details based on your comments.

  • First of all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYWaM3RqLJI

    Secondly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwcfY0Ldf2Q

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    aaaaaaaaaand: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A0-u85aAYg

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    sheer brilliance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yv7UJLOyERs

  • I've posted before I think the Bears and Forte should sign basically the same deal as Arian Foster (5 years, $43.5 million, $20.75 million guaranteed). I'm working on the assumption that Emery has indeed made that offer, and that Forte is turning it down in favor of the Adrian Peterson deal (7 years, $100 million, $30 million guaranteed).

    So here's one idea of how to brige the gap. Offer Forte the Foster deal, plus a voidable tail on the contract. He gets 5 years, $43 million, $20.75 guaranteed, and then a guaranteed roster bonus at the start of year six worth approximately $10 million. Salary for years 6 and 7 can be about $12 million in additional cash, so the tail is essentially a 2 year, $22 million contract with $10 million guaranteed.

    The tail is good for both sides: Forte will be paid like a top 5 RB if he's on the roster, the Bears will have a great RB but won't need to sign a long term deal (thereby providing "age" insurance), and both the team and Forte can announce that this deal allows Forte to retire as a Chicago Bear.

    Now the total deal is 7 years, $65 million (less than AP, but a lot more than AF), with $31 million guaranteed (equal to AP). But its not really fully guaranteed because the Bears can walk away after 5 years without the tail. Forte can feel secure because if the Bears don't like him after 5 years, they can't franchise him, they have to give him a two year extension worth probably more than the franchise tag (pretty good at 30+). But the reality is, the Bears are still offering the Foster deal, there's just a somewhat expensive 2 year deal option at the end if Forte is still super-productive. The tail, of course, lets the agent tell the world how great he is that he got his client more money; and that's what this is really all about - the agent's ego.

    Its win win. Now go sign. Mail the commission check to my office :)

  • In reply to NewBearInTown:

    Do you think it would be wise for the Bears to pay Forte that kinda dough? You do realize that once Forte gets his gaurenteed money he's not gonna be as concerned about his production in the NFL, right? Paying Matt the money he wants will not be in the best interests of the club. Look at the other side of the coin too, I also bet AP will not have the production he used to have if he's able to play at an NFL level at all this year. Right now the Queens are trying to salvage their investment in him, that injury he had is about as bad as it gets for a RB.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Forte played hurt his sophmore year, I think he has some heart. Also, this is a winning team; its a lot easier to play hard for a winning team than it is for Minny or Tennessee.

    Also note that I specifically said not to offer Forte the AP contract. I think Foster's deal sets the market for a running back and that Forte is probably about as good for our club as Foster is for his.

    The "tail" I described above gives the Bears the ability to walk away if Forte isn't producing in the first part of the deal. If Forte is still producing, I have a feeling the numbers I described will match the market for RBs at that time. If they don't, Forte will get cut, traded or renegotiate for an extension.

  • In reply to NewBearInTown:

    Yeah I know NB. Just kinda sick and tired of the Forte contract talk is all. I won't miss any sleep over it one way or another.

  • In reply to NewBearInTown:

    The Texans also had to release their franchise DE, MLB and RT.

    Thanks, but no thanks. Rumor is, Forte already got offered something very close to the Foster deal (20M gauranteed), and that's why the Bears aren't budging anymore.

    If we can't even get a 1st for him, then why should we pay him that much?

    If we were to trade Peppers right now, we could probably get two 1sts rounders and some player.

    Forte (or his agent) is in denial.

  • Rumor is we actually have no idea what the Bears offered Forte.

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    Like I said, that's the rumor.

    But the Texans releasing their franchise RT, MLB and RE is fact.

  • Ha ha, what a sham!

    Remember a few years back when the Jets' fans were given a "stern" warning by the NFL because apparently every tom, dick and guido was harassing the women there. I blame it on them and their needle-dick sexting QB (Brett something or other).

    I also blame it on the Raiders, esp that Niner game when they were trying to re-enact "Escape from L.A." where Cali is a lawless post-apocalyptic landscape, or "Escape from Thunder Dome", as you please.

    I also blame it on the Old Dog Pound. Oh and didn't the Pack fans used to put rocks in the snow then chuck it at the Bears players and coaches?

    I also blame it on every other passionate fan base, which purchases such silly NFL merchandise, like this

    http://www.joesportsfan.com/jsfpics/columns2/eagleszubaz.jpg

    Oh, wait a minute, that's like every NFL fan who doesn't refer to it as "American Football"!

    Goodell is a sniveling little lawyer and bean counter puppet fucktard.

    We need a real man in there, preferable an HOF ex player/coach to run the show.

    Rant Over.

  • I'd love to see Ditka in there as Commish. That would be entertainment.

  • Oh, please no.

  • This is nothing more than a money making scam with Novick kicking back to someone else. Why should he get $55 out of the $75? What the hell is that about? If he should get anything at all wouldn't it be more appropriate to make it a very small amount and give the rest goes to a fund for families who have lost their breadwinner to a drunken driver. As for a four hour online test, just make the watch The Crossing Guard.

    Plus, the initiative wouldn't result in one less 'unruly' patron being thrown out of a stadium. People don't respond to implied punishment, they don't rationally work out the consequences of their actions when they're drunk -the murder rate is higher in the states that have the death penalty. A drunken arsehole will be a drunken arsehole regardless, there's no deterrent for that.

    If you seriously want to curtail that kind of behavior in stadiums, you ban alcohol. Period.

  • Not sure about that stat Irish. It begs the question, which came first, the chicken or the egg?

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    I sat down and did the comparison line by line for the 15 states to do not have a constitutionally enforceable death penalty on the books (I add that caveat because NY state has one but it was struck down as unconstitutional and it has not been changed).

    The states without death penalties rank as follows in homicide rate per 100k residents:

    New Mexico*.............6
    Michigan....................19
    New York...................22
    New Jersey...............23
    Illinois....................... 25
    Alaska......................28
    West Virginia...........32
    Rhode Island............34
    Vermont....................36
    Wisconsin.................37
    Massachusetts.........38
    Iowa...........................39
    Maine........................40
    Minnesota.................43
    Hawaii.......................44
    North Dakota............50

    If your point is that you think states without the death penalty don't have one because their homicide rate was low to begin with, eh, I think that's some pretty specious logic, Trac. All of these states HAD death penalty laws on the books. They categorically did not drop them because they didn't have murders. They dropped them because there's significant statistical evidence that having a death penalty is merely punitive and/or the moral repugnancy of state-sanctioned murder for some people and/or the difficulties of ensuring it's equal application under the law (Illinois and Texas being two examples, of which one only recently ended the death penalty). It has no correlation to decreasing violent crime. Now, one of the things that I think you have to look at is the fact that states with significantly smaller populations are impacted more easily by a smaller number of real homicides - so that should also be taken into account, but I really don't feel like mapping this all out at the moment. I'm sure some poli-sci grad student out there has already done it if you care to look.
    I promise not to drop a bunch of statistics on here; we've already had a near 700 post thread on Fair Tax and thuggery in the last week.
    But the stats I pulled above were pulled from a neutral site and ranked by me. So, Irish is correct, and as I said, the argument of "chicken and egg" would be a big stretch in this case.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    For the record, NM is both relatively small in total population (thus more volatile in terms of percentage shifts) AND only recently ended the death penalty (2009).
    You can make the argument that the deterrence factor is irrelevant, but that doesn't leave much - and because once the punishment is enacted, there is obviously no chance for the accused to ever reform, you want the process to be damn sure it got it right, which leads into the lengthy and expensive appeals process, which leads into the amazing expense of putting and keeping someone on death row in maintenance and legal fees.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    Every 1st year law school student takes Criminal law. In that class, deterrence theory is routinely debunked in papers and cases that are read. That's been true for 20 years.

    There are studies you may not expect, however, which basically say the retributive effects of the death penalty actually lead to a happier populace amongst the law abiding citizens, that it gives them a greater moral feeling that contributes to the overall esteem they have for their community.

    Also, I don't really have much problem with the death penalty, I'm for it. Because beyond deterrence theory and retribution theory, there is economic reality. It's cheaper to give Charlie Manson a dirt nap than not.

  • In reply to GP (Hugs not Thugs):

    Keep in mind, I was answering the points that Trac and Irish were making, not whether I agree in principal with the death penalty or not.
    In theory, I don't have a moral issue with retribution for murder or for that matter, child molestation. Many people do for various reasons (religious and political), and I respect their opinion as well.
    The problem is the practical concerns - the same ones that caused the US Supreme Court to rule it unconstitutional back in the 70's. If you have a system that routinely fails to apply it in a fair, timely, and consistent manner, then the "warm fuzzies" that the citizenry get from it in theory, may not last long in practice. I don't recall hearing too many people in Illinois upset when Governor Ryan halted executions due to concerns over improper convictions.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    You may not have recalled it, but lots of people voiced their displeasure with Ryan's move. The Trib came out in favor of it, though, so it was muted.

  • The polling at the time (shortly before, during, and shortly after) the moratorium was extremely mixed - however, in none of the 7 polls that I can find did the majority of Illinoisans support the continuation of the death penalty as it was around the time of the halt.
    It was either a narrow split or heavily in favor of the moratorium.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    Exactly MBP.

    The deterence argument never works for upholding the death penalty. We should learn from Europe on this issue. England used to execute criminals for centuries ("Braveheart" anyone?), and finally they concluded that it doesn't decrease crime.

    Now, the next argument might be "It gives family closure" but that is predicated on the accused actually being guilty. Once DNA evidence came out, an alarming amount of death row inmates were exonerated, which is partly why Illi implemented a moratorium.

    Also, studies have found, that many family members of victims did not find "closure", and many in fact prefer the criminals locked up forever, esp those with Catholic-ish values.

    Then, there's the pragmatic argument. It's cheaper than imprisoning criminals for life - but the numbers don't support this either. I forgot the stat, but the avg stay in death row is about 20 years, and they're appealing that whole time, costing the tax payer MORE money than just incarcerating them for life.

    So the "it's cheaper" argument under our current system doesn't fly either (now, if you were to do it like China with a sham legal system and send the firing squad bullets with a bill to the criminal's fam, it might be cheaper).

  • However, I must add, the only plausible argument that can be made, imo, is that the death penalty can be used as a bargaining chip.

    So let's say a serial killer doesn't want to fess up about all his killings - well, the DA can make a deal - "We'll take the death penalty off the table if you make a complete confession"

    Or maybe a hit man or some mob case in which the feds want the criminal to turn snitch

    I'm sure there might be a few other crazy scenarios where the death penalty might benifit the state, but stilll....they're more extreme circumstances, and as a wise man once said:

    Extreme cases make for bad laws.

  • All very intelligent points lads. I guess it comes down to whether or not one believes a civilized society can support execution.

    Cyanide blocks the body's ability to absorb oxygen and so the person essentially suffocates to death. If the anaesthetic in a lethal injection is ineffective, the person feels unimaginable pain, but the official attending would not be aware of the problem as the Pancuronium has them in complete paralysis. But surely the electric chair is barbaric to the point of inhumanity.

    Some would say "well what did they do to be put there in the first place? What about the victims?". To that I can only offer, "What if there was no victim?". If one innocent person dies, then it is one too many.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    Well heck, why bother with laws at all if they're only gonna incite law breakers. I propose a moratorium on all laws. Oops, wouldn't we have to pass a law to have no laws?

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Didn't follow that...who said anything about inciting?

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    Poor attempt at humor Brownie.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    My bad - in a bad mood today.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    me too, me too!!

    (did it have anything to do with a Haji or two coming your way last night?)

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    I wish. Getting smoked in MW3 was the status quo for so long, it really does not bother me when it, rarely, happens now.

    Halalalalalalalalalalalalal!

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    The egg, mang, obviously the egg, I never understood how that was ever considered a 'deep question'.

  • "We're super cereal Irish, no for reals this time."

  • The "Great White Hope" ???

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/football/bears/ct-spt-0416-bears-conte--20120416,0,7174386.story

    that intro line was for you MB..lol

  • In reply to lobotobear:

    Good article on that crazy foot injury that shut Mike Brown down, too.

  • In reply to lobotobear:

    shit, at least he surfs.

    I like the kid, I do... and I think he'll be better this year. But I just don't think he's our franchise back there. We need someone special.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    White men CAN jump!

    "Conte said. "It was just getting used to running and walking again. I took a basketball and was dunking the other day, so I think it's ready to go."

    I don't know why everyone keeps thinking The Birdman ain't athlectic (White-ism?)

    Conte ran a 4.53 40.

    Barron ran a 4.56

    Conte broad jumped 10'7"
    Barron broad jumped 10'2

    Conte is 6'2 200
    Barron is 6'1 214

    Conte just needs a little time to learn the S position (remember, he was a converted CB, which helps against Rodgers and Lesbo).

    I'm really looking forward to how he develops. Only concern is durability. Our safeties always seem to get injured...then again, Barron just came off a double hernia - safety is prob the second most inj prone position behind only HB, imo.

  • http://www.nfl.com/combine/profiles/chris-conte?id=2495272

  • Um, don't dispel the myths about white safeties on this blog. Dangerous territory there.

  • Trac says:

    The NFL is trying to warn ass wipes that their bs is getting old. Insurance will pay the lawsuits. It's a shot across the bough to would be offenders. Kinda like air marshals

    I agree with this. It's a PR move, who gives a fuck who pockets the fines.

    Also, I don't want the NFL to part ways with Coors. The babes in Coors commercials are usually smokin. It's half the reason to watch. What will be replaced with? More of that stupid limey lizard? No thanks.

  • In reply to GP (Hugs not Thugs):

    Once again, your value to this blog is tremendous. Hip hip hoorah!

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    No No, sir, YOU are the master of THIS domain.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXZJF0-d_M8

  • Very good GP, very good indeed. Could'a done without the clap reference though, brought back a very painful memory.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Waffle! You sir, are like a stream of bat's piss!

    A shaft of gold when all around is dark!

  • Don't batpiss on your merit!!

  • I'm laughing my ass off right now but you're still such a penis sometimes...and I mean "penis" as a term of endearment.

    GP, you have the wit of a rapist....a serial rapist.

    The blog wouldn't be the same without you.

  • Classic.

    "Did you just call me 'batpiss'?"
    "Yes darling, but what I meant was ...."

  • In reply to GP (Hugs not Thugs):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhEUaoeHn9M

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Nice Bill Swerski impression.

  • Senate votes on the Buffett rule today at 5:30pm EST. Turn on CSPAN so you can see who you won't vote for ever ever again. Call your senator all day, flood those lines! Democracy in action!

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/plum-line/post/introducing-the-pay-a-fair-share-act/2012/01/30/gIQAu8AacQ_blog.html

  • If they want to stop the boorish behaviour, stop selling booze. Pretty simple. They can make a half assed attempt and end sales after half time. Like Bill Murray said when the Cubs half assed it by halting beer sales after the 7th inning, "Any self respecting Cubs fan is already hammered by the 7th inning."

    It's all about the money.

    BTW, good first post little toots! Welcome aboard.

  • In reply to CanadaBear:

    Was that line from Murray's stint in the booth? Bill Murray can do no wrong - even when he gets a DUI, it's a (somewhat) funny situation.
    The only thing that tempers the humor of it is that when I lived in Omaha, a woman managed to get her best friend killed while drunk driving a golf cart between their homes. Quasi-tragic and stupid at the same time. I've been run over with a golf cart by a drunk too.

  • In reply to CanadaBear:

    yep

  • Truly the doldrums of the offseason have set in.
    No schedule for 24 hours, no draft party for another week and a half.
    No contract signing by Forte yet.

    ........

  • It does seem a bit hypocritical (at first), blogfather. But upon further reflection, it seems that promoting drinking alcohol and asking your fans not to behave like drunk idiots are not mutually exclusive at all, really.

    The NFL is saying, "Drink beer, drink lots of beer, but don't act like a douche. And if you can't have fun drinking beer without acting like a seventeen year old at your first frat party then don't come to our games."

    I find this to be a very reasonable thing to ask and I support it fully. It's called balance, moderation, and maturity. Those are good things. More please!

  • This is ripe for a Funny or Die skit.

    "Oakland PA system announcements"

    "The discharge of firearms within the stadium is not tolerated at any time. Especially if we're on offense."

    "Please do not use batons, sticks, bats, maces or clubs on opposing team fans. Shivs in the bathroom are not allowed."

    "Projectile vomit, or booting, on the opposing team when leaving the tunnel is subject to fine and or removal from the stadium."

  • No, no...Projectile vomit on the Raiders will result in removal. Visiting teams must provide their own rain slickers.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    I would think that would enter one in a drawing for free tickets!

  • Agreed Doc. They're saying "Drink beer. Drink a drug which promotes lack of inhibition and boundaries and deprives you of your ability to remain responsible." Worse still, they tag the end of those adverts with "Drink responsibly". What? That's like saying "Maim with care."

    Now imagine the stadium with everyone stoned - generally very quiet, the silence only broken by touchdowns when audible murmuring can be heard from people saying : "cool" or "nice catch". No fighting, and everyone drives home at thirty miles an hour and giving way to drivers wanting to pull out.

  • Raider (mis)management over the last 10 years has inspired a LOT of that projectile vomiting.

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    Zing! Al

  • In reply to Albertintucson:

    I guess the Cryptkeeper wasn't such a genius.

  • So I am NOT one to watch cheesy underwear commercials where a yoked dude hooks up with a jearsy shore lookalike...

    http://vimeo.com/39993529

    But I think some of you might recognize the yoked dude. Any clues (WITHOUT scrolling down and reading the credits!)

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Ok, I can't wait...

    EARL the PEARL!!!!

    Get some duke!

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    He's eating Italian tonight.

    Speaking of getting blown; apparently, Earl is rolling in a CTS-V with twin blowers. Check that scoop out.

  • yeah, that thing is sick. Not in love with the color, but that is one bad ass ride.

    MUCH better than this POS: http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTBMBebCo2HbufsprEcnTmbquq0TmliUCSzaCsxM96WerupFRPhhfT_ejF8Jg

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Devin's ride is on the SWOOOOOLLLEEE.

  • True story..

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I wonder if Sammy ever borrowed that ride. He couldda fit two weeks merchandise in the back of that thang. True dat!

  • There's 1200 horses hiding under those scoops. That's pretty bad ass...

    http://www.d3cadillac.com/feature-vehicles/d3-ultra-v

  • What do you Bears nerds think about Coples? The next peppers or the next Gholston? I would take him over Mercilus. Mercilus tapes remind me of Wootton.

    http://espn.go.com/blog/chicago/bears/post/_/id/4675764/connecting-quinton-coples-and-the-bears

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    I'd just be stoked to get 2 productive starters out of the draft with maybe 2 solid backups. Anythings better that what's taken place in the draft for the last 2 years.

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    Coples has way more talent than Merciless. 6-6 and that power he has, he would be unbelievable across from Peppers.

    I do think, though, that the guy buckles when he meets his match, though. The book on him at NC is that he has skated on talent, has no fire or will to win.

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    I'd take Coples if he's there over Mercilus.
    And I love Mercilus.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    I posted this before, but it's worth posting again regarding Coples.

    Casserly is a former GM and Executive, so he interviews Coples like many of them would. This is a behind the scene peak at how some of those secret interviews go.

    The most interesting part comes when Casserly asks Coples to grade every play from last year based on effort, and Coples responds with " C". So now the question is, why did Coples give a "C" effort?

    Now, you tell me, after watching that interview, then going back to the tape, if he's worth the #19

    http://www.nfl.com/videos/auto/09000d5d827d39ba/Quinton-Coples-on-set

    For the record, I still like him at #19 because of all our circumstance (Coples is taylor made for the Cover-2. Huge, athletic, versatile. He played inside, and we like moving our DEs inside. He fits a huge need AND most importantly, Coples wouldn't have the pressure of being the star RE, and can play the less demanding LE position).

    But if I were picking in the top 10, didn't have a star RE, and really didn't trust our D coach or players, I'd be very worried of building my D around Coples.

    This is why he may actually drop to us.

  • does he looked stoned or is it me?

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    If Coples somehow falls to the Bears I will literally cream myself.

  • In reply to Shady:

    Unless Kuechley is also there, in which case I take the LB without an instant's hesitation.

  • In reply to Shady:

    Maybe you should excuse yourself from the table at the draft party when our selection comes up.
    I think that would be best for all involved.

  • I don't know about you guys but I'm pooped out from all the non football banter lately(That last 700 post thread was brutal). From here on out, I'm gonna schedule March and early April as vacation time on the calender.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Eh, me too.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    Here's a noncontroversial topic - I love spicy tuna rolls, but this is making me think of pink slime now.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/16/yellowfin-spicy-tuna-sushi-salmonella_n_1428116.html

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    damn it... I think I got that maing. my stomach was JACK UP last week.

    Motherfuckers!

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I used to only go to the best/busiest sushi houses I could find. Don't ever go to one of those chain sushi joints, they don't throw anything away.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    It definitely shattered my illusion that the tuna in spicy tuna rolls was actually, y'know, chopped up tuna. Nice to find out that it's some ground up byproduct fishbone scraping.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    Dude, the dolphins mang, the dolphins ....

  • So you're saying it's the revenge of the dolphins...sneaking into fish processing plants in Japan and using unwashed flippers (after they spend all day pooping in their Sea World tanks) to handle the machinery thus creating an unstoppable wave of stomach cramping and anal leakage as part of their master plan to exact revenge for "The Cove".

    Brilliant - what was that about a blind squirrel? I think you've finally stumbled on a plausible conspiracy, my man.
    Congratulations!

  • This guy must have had some nasty stuff in his wee wee test to get 6 weeks. Looks like he's headed for the Bengals.

    http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/04/16/broncos-will-release-ryan-mcbean/

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    If the Bengals released DJ Williams on this druggie thing, and it looks like they will, he is a good pickup for the Bears to replace Roach. He is a true SSLB and would rock at that spot.

    Not that the Bears, coming off Cheech Hurd debacle, would touch a guy released for failing steroid tests.

  • D.J. Williams would be an upgrade. Very athletic (even w/o roids). His lowest tackle total in the last five years is 90 and his highest 141 while playing almost every snap. He's 29 though, and I think Emery wants to go younger.

    Also, would the Bears be willing to wait 6 weeks? hmmm...

  • Also, I'm sure JT Thomas is going to rock camp this year.

    (Rolls eyes)

  • rocking the ganja!

  • ...and 16 year olds.

    YIKES!

  • Boy did the Eagle's gift wrap a turd when they sold Kolb to the Cardinals.

    http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/04/16/kolb-wishes-whisenhunt-had-told-him-of-cardinals-interest-in-peyton/

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Now we know what he learned from McNabb.

  • ha!

  • OK, ya bitches...

    I have a date with GameStop this afternoon, and I've been toying with this MW3 thing for so long, and as much as I hate it's non-Halo-ness... I might just have to cave.

    So the real question is this - if I buy this fucking thing, and you guys hop on some other bandwagon (i.e., Battlefield Earth or whatever the fuck), I'll be pissed.

    What's the ETA on moving on from MW3? @ $60 I need at least a few months... Because I can assure you that I will suck cow balls for at least that amount of time.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Well, I just got in. I hemmed and hawwed about the $60, but I just went ahead and got it.

    So, I'd like to play it for awhile.

    I suck. Last night, I went like .2 K/D, which is perhaps my record when fighting these guys, but you should probably go now, while I am there acting as shark chum.

    I haven't even figured out how to call a predator strike in yet. I've taken more Hellfire missles in the tailpipe than Blaggo (so far).

  • So, do I have to buy a headset, too?

    I don't think they come in the box, do they? (If so, I may have tossed it)

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Your cheapest option is the Bluetooth PS3 earpiece. It's model # is the 8580 or something close to that.

    You can then the PS3 up to have chat in your ear, and the mic too (just like a phone), but the game sounds come through your system speakers.

    More expensive solutions are the PS3 Wireless Stereo and Turtle Beach sets. I will say this: the 7.0 Dolby sound IS directional using the full sets, so you can actually tell which way somebody is coming from using them.

  • One warning tho:

    Even compared to other shooters, MW3 has redunkulous lethality. Things that other shooters might do with gravity, or arms swinging as you turn - or slow animation for bringing up the optic sight - none of that exists in MW3. As a result, the players are insanely lethal to one another. It almost is of no serious consequence that your character can take a few bullets (rather than a realistic ONE) to put you down, because the SMGs are so powerful, you are going to die if you get shot.

    People head shotting each other at 40 yards using a FN P90 or a H&K MP5 while in full sprint is completely laughable in real life, but here it's a fact of life. You die. ALOT. The action is VERY Fast & Furious, faster than anything I played except maybe for some Unreal mods on the PC.

    ARMA this is not.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Do it. Logitech mic. Prepare for pwnage. And a barrage of extremely personal insults.

  • In reply to Shady:

    not THAT personal.... cuntbag.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    That's it, time for you to get some dood. Make you rage. Raaage!

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    http://www.amazon.com/Call-Duty-Modern-Warfare-3-Pc/dp/B00503EAG2/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&qid=1334617725&sr=8-15

    Save yourself $20 and buy on Amazon.

  • Did someone post this already? Emery actually discussing a few things.

    “We thoroughly discussed 400 players,” Emery said. “Typically a draft will have 250 to 270 players that are actually drafted. You’re well above the number that’s going to be drafted, so you’re talking about a lot of free agents towards the end of it. We go through those and we designate after scouts’ conversations which players we will give the coaches to evaluate.

    At that point, Bears position coaches are all asked to rank 15-25 prospects.”

    "“With coach Smith and myself, it’s developing a draft plan: OK, we like these players. How do we get them? Who are you willing to trade up for? If we get to 19 and the player that we’ve targeted is not there, can we trade back? What’s our plan to trade back, and if we trade back how far back and who would those players be that we would be trading back for? We do that at every selection spot in the draft.”

    http://www.chicagobears.com/news/NewsStory.asp?story_id=8743

  • I would love to get Phil's cheat sheet and grade ladder.

  • I would the entire series of "Will and Grace" to get that cheat sheet!

    I like hearing the words, "OK, we like these players. How do we get them? Who are you willing to trade up for?"

    Diometrically opposed to the Glitchy plan, "Geez, I sure hope Green Bay and the liken don't jump over us and draft players we want. Fingers crossed. Der."

  • EXACTLY like angelo I'm sure.

    Jesus chris. smh.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Angelo: "OK Lovie, this is the scenario in which I trade up with Baltimore for Gabe Carimi, a guy who is going to fall to us anyway"

    Lovie: "Now why would ya do that Jerry?"

    Angelo: "Don't ask questions Lovie, I run this bitch."

    Lovie: "But that doesn't make any..."

    Angelo: "Now I'll get those Baltimore fuckers on the line, make a completely unnecessary trade to move up, and then totally renig on any sort of commitment I just made."

    Lovie: "And that helps us how?"

    Angelo: "Don't ask stupid questions Lovie."

    Lovie: "Whatever. I'm going to tell Martz to go fuck himself now."

  • In reply to Shady:

    perfect.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    exactly as it transpired

  • wow...a guy who is going to run "The War Room" and not busy watching the big titted waitress serving him pretzels and beer and the Applebee's during the draft...

    I know, I know that's not what happened with "Glitchy"-
    but it sure would make sense the way he's draft like a ass-goblin the last few years.

  • Willie. Awesome, love to have you aboard maings.

    1. We'll be on. I wasn't all that impressed with BF3 multi-player (although the campaign mode is MUCH better than MW3 and I LOVED it.). I wish it was better, but it wasn't. on top of that BF3 requires a recent 2-4 hr download (upgrade). Net-net, I can't speak for shady or rabbit, but I'll be on MW3 for a while. I might try BF3 again soon, but MW is my go-to.

    2. Yes, you HAVE to get a headset - 1/2 of the fun is talking smack and messing around with each other, without that it's pretty lame (and very quiet). I'm a gadget whore and i hate fucking wires, but I got a lower-level turtle beach to start... where everything comes through the headset (I think this is the one I got... it's cheap: http://www.buy.com/prod/turtle-beach-ear-force-px21-amplified-stereo-wired-headset-with-chat/211204055.html). I will upgrade to the wireless model next.

    3. You guys hum and haw of $60?!?! Common maings. I promise you'll get your money's worth in short order. We have fun fucking around, it's a good time. Just think what you spend on a night out with buddies... sheeeit, strippers and coke for you in one night is 10X what you'll spend here. Or just get your heiress to pick up the tab.

    4. One other thing… as GP says, prepare to get fuuuuuuuucked up left and right at first. Don’t get frustrated. You’re getting throw into the deep end with sharks…. But it’s better than the 20 14 year olds who’ll kill you in an instant every 5 seconds in the public games. At least GP and I are old and our reflexes suck. Shady is still 26 and is another story. MBP is just a sly bastard. Come on down!

  • I propose a drunks only section. Put it right over the visiting teams bench. Have a breathalizer at the gate, anyone over .15 or thereabouts can either leave the stadium or go to the booze box with the other drunks. Call it the McMahan suite. Picture 10,000 or so drunks just heckling the shit out of the other teams bench. It would be great . I'm penning a letter to the Good (ell) witch.

  • awesome.

    You're a police commissioner in real life aren't you coach?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    http://youtu.be/VewbAGR1dow

  • hahahahaha... exactly.

  • bbbbbbbbbwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

    Me likey...Coach!!!!!!

  • Coach, I can't remember the Newbie that gave you a bunch of shit about not adding anything to blog. That Fucker is clueless. This is the best idea on this blog in years. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • you guys see we reenstated unga bunga?

    Whatinthefuck?!?! Why is he still around?!

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Oh, and banks has us picking mercilus now

    http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2012/writers/don_banks/04/11/2012.nfl.mock.draft.5/index.html#?eref=sihp&sct=hp_t11_a1

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    MB...do you have any faith in douchebanks?

  • In reply to lobotobear:

    about as much as I do in Jerry fucking Angelo Lobo.

    ...but I thought I'd post it anyway.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I'm really curious as to what the story is with that, too. The Bears must see something in him that they like a lot

  • In reply to tobijohn:

    no clue tobi... he's somoan?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Couldn't tell you, not a lot out there about him. He's got that Polynesian look, though...

  • In reply to tobijohn:

    I dunno Tobi - why would one think Banks knows more than any of us?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I have no idea why he threw in the towel last year but we still held his rights. Not much risk to bring him to camp.

  • Mmmmmmmmmm... baaaaaacon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9s14xfta30

  • If I had a conference with the National Media, like Kiper, and they were to ask, "Butch, what do you predict the Bears will do in the draft?" I would respond, "Well, first of all, thanks for finally recognizing my genius. But in response to the question, here it is...

    The Bears, like any other team, are going to try to marry need with prospect. It's no secret that the biggest need is a stud LT, but the draft won't give you one of those unless you were on a 3 win team.

    So, the second biggest need is DE. This draft really doesn't have any surefire DEs, but teams always take chances on them regardless.

    Next need, in my estimation, is CB/LB/S, not necessarily in that order, but any argument here is splitting hairs.

    So, in sum, I predict the Bears will draft a DE/CB/LB in the first three rounds, picking the most highly graded prospect still on the board when they're up.

    I can't say exactly who because teams will no doubt wheel and deal during the draft, esp for QBs, thus making some players fall and making a mockery of any mock draft.

    But if I were a betting man, the Bears are addressing DE, CB, LB first three rounds, preferably in that order.

    Then switching to a purely BPA philosophy in rounds 4-7, most likely special teamers like a safety or project left tackle to groom."

    This press confrence brought to you by XX...stay thirsty my friends...

  • (Standing ovation)

    Give the guy his own show, dammit!

  • Haha nice I like, but you draft BPA always dude. Always.

  • In reply to Shady:

    That's true, but sometimes need is the tie breaker.

    Let's say Trent Richardson magically falls because HBs are that devalued - and let's say Coples is still on the board too.

    Now, every scout grades T-Rich much higher than Coples, and pure BPA dictates to draft him, but no way that's going to happen with Forte, Bush and Bell still on the team.

    Usually what happens in those situations is teams trade back, but not always. Also, BPA doesn't always work. The Lions drafted Fairley when they needed a CB a lot more, and they got burned in the play-offs.

    But who knows? Maybe Emery is a pure BPA guy...

  • Emery has his lists and he's checked them twice. If he has Richardson rated higher than Coples than without question he'll take Richardson. If not, Coples it is. Beauty of the thing is he's got it all figured out already. Now the only variable on draft day becomes the phone calls and text messages from other GMs.

  • In reply to Shady:

    BPA in the first three when you have holes in your team is for suckahs.

    Suckas like YOU! Get some buttpie.

  • In reply to Shady:

    just like Angelo...

    ...hello, ozzie?

  • Although, let's be honest, if Emery fucked over John Harbaugh of the Ravens this draft, I would seriously LMAO.

  • http://vimeo.com/3885381

  • LMAO!

    "Fucking time vampire!"

    Best line ever.

  • I took my first day off since March 14 yesterday and watched the movie Atlas Shrugged Part 1. I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the movie, since it was done on such a small budget. GP and MBHP should check it out. It's amazing how spot-on Ayn Rand was about the future of the Federal Government, considering Atlas Shrugged was written in 1959.
    We've had the corporatist, big spending George Bush, followed by the corporatist, even bigger spending Barack Obama Both Presidents have taken away substantial civil rights in the name of the Federal Government and "safety". Both have passed horrible medical bills (laws) that can never be paid for in the long run. I have a tough time distinguishing between the two.
    Now the media and power elite have given us two choices for President, the corporatists Obama and Romney, who have nearly identical agendas. The only difference I can see is that Travon Martin could be Obama's son and Mitt Romney has a "War on Women", or "Wymyn". It's a fucking major joke on the intelligence of people with an IQ over 120, which is about 30-40 points higher than the journalists who "make" the news on a daily basis. It's a sickening state of affairs. I can hardly listen to the news anymore, including public radio, without feeling that my intelligence is being insulted.

  • In reply to TheFifth:

    For the record, if any of you want to know what I didn't like about the Bush Presidency, I'll make a lot longer post than the one above. He was a disaster and tyrant like Obama. I would like anyone or someone to tell me the positive things Obama has done that might outweigh the negative things he's done. What are his accomplishments?

  • In reply to TheFifth:

    It was all the executive orders Bush sneaked through that is galling, and the freedoms that were taken away from the people - under the guise of the "war on terror", through other devices such as the Patriot Act (the last draft of which was passed through at two in the morning and nobody had read) and Homeland etc.

    As KRS-One quite rightly said, black America was standing up on the point of revolution with Bush .... then the Obama puppet was selected - just black enough - and they folded their arms and sat back down again. Obama is the first 100% Wall Street backed Prez. Reagan de-regulated the banks and kicked off the party, Obama is there to ensure it keeps going. Everybody has seen the results of the crisis - and did anybody mention doing the sensible thing and regulating the banks again? Did they fuck.

    All Congressman understand the Federal Reserve scam and they do nothing about it. Nothing. Ron Paul makes the odd noise. Republicans, Democrats, they're all the same - that there is any difference between them is an illusion, the bi-partite system is a charade giving the drunken masses the illusion of choice. All career politicians are carving out their own piece of the pie and they could give a rat's ass about the people. The faux-intellectuals like the chode-suckers on Fox give it all credence, and you're right Fifth, it does insult one's intelligence, but since most watching in don't have any, it all chunders on towards the abyss. Sir Evelyn De Rothschild oversees it all, chuckles to himself as he looks over his shoulder at the hundreds of trillions of dollars, and thanks Satan everyday that people are stupid.

  • In sum,

    http://sclipo.com/videos/view/kang-and-kodos

  • or this,

    http://www.comedycentral.com/video-clips/y12r4o/futurama-c-span9-debate

  • Where's it all gonna end up Irish? That's right, the book of Revalation beat you to it.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    START PREPPING!!!!

  • I'd like to refute this argument, however I cannot.

  • Oh and Goldman has record profits. Natch.

    http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/17/us-goldman-idUSBRE83G0LO20120417?feedType=RSS&feedName=topNews&rpc=71

  • Yup.

  • In reply to TheFifth:

    Listen to your insticts bro, not the news. I browse over the headlines from time to time just to see the back and forth sillyness, but there is nothing gained for me by reading any of that tripe anymore. The weather channel is my favority source these days.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    You've probably seen this, but it's worth a reprise. Now ya'll don't just turn it off because it's Fox... They wouldn't keep him either, although they did let him finish.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOaCemmsnNk

  • Now, where were we. Oh yeah, left tackle.

    Interesting point raised .... that the historical importance of the LT position is shifting to the right.

    http://www.chicagofootballtalk.com/blog/do-bears-need-elite-left-tackle-to-win-super-bowl

    If there was a move for Forte, only 4-5 teams could actually handle it, and here's what they have to give up.

    http://www.chicagofootballtalk.com/blog/possible-draft-day-trading-partners-for-matt-forte

    I was asking Our Boy about Chris moving to LT, and mentioning that as my memory served me - very dodgily - CW did once own Jared Allen 1-1, whereas Webb required two TEs to do the same thing last season. He actually went back to the HD and got back to me with this :

    "I just broke down that game again yesterday (Bears vs Vikings Wk 16 2009). Williams does look more natural at tackle than he does at guard. Off of the top of my head w/o reviewing my notes, he did well at times and then gave up key sacks at other times. He can stop Allen's bullrush doesn't have much of one), but he struggled against his quickness resorting to holding him on several occasions, though he was only called for one if I recall correctly.
    He still gives up penetration in both the passing game against strong rushers, but more so in short yardage running situations.

    I haven't broken down Webb again recently so I can't confidently speak to as which one would be better at this time."

    Net-net as MB's uncle would say, CW is too big to be a good guard, and just not good enough to be a tackle. So it's Edwin at LG for me, Lance at RG, and we have to make do with The Mummy at left tackle for the time being.

  • CW is too big to be a good guard

    I don't think so. First, no such thing as too big for guard, there is only too TALL. And since Chris had his back repaired, he seems to have okay form and stays low.

    He can work out at LG, and I am against moving him,

  • totally agree. I have no idea why some of you guys have amnesia about his performance at guard before he got injured... from what I saw he was out best linemen (besides LL at RT before he also got injured).

    It should be:

    LT – BearJew (new stud from somewhere or at least a webb upgrade for christ’s sake... my grandmamma maybe?)
    LG – CW
    C – Garza (CSpencer can back up)
    RG – CSpencer (E.Williams backing up)
    RT – LL

    Horn!?!?!?! And ewilliams along with any new additions can fight for spots and if they don’t win over the guys above, they are depth because we WILL lose guys next year. You can bet on that one.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Louis is dead meat at left tackle. I would rather leave Webb in there than put Lance over there.

    We need a new LT. There is no way around it.

  • Gp? I'm confused?

    I have

    LT - (1) Gabe Carimi, (2) JWebb
    LG - (1) Cookie Williams, (2) EWilliams
    C - (1) Garza, (2) CSpencer
    RG - (1) CSpencer, (2) EWilliams
    RT - Lance Louis, (2) Levi Horn
    TE - (1) MSpaeth & KDavis, (2) Kyle Adams

    Who in thee fuck is Ricky Henry?!!??!?! http://www.chicagobears.com/team/depthchart.asp

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuR1u0pjR3s&feature=fvst

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I'm with Roy on Edwin, I think he'll be starting guard in game one, it just remains to be seen which side. Dying to have a look at this Levi Horn, it'd be nice to have Bear Chief opposite Bear Jew. He could be anything.

    Speaking of injuries MB, that's why I want a center ASAP. Edwin will be needed at guard, and Spencer wasn't good at center for the Hawks, or at least he was apparently very bad at pass pro. Hopefully Emery gets us a value dude somewhere down the draft order.

    I hope it's Poe if the cream is gone elsewhere. No problem with getting our pass rush straight up the middle - people have said his game tape isn't up to scratch, and he only had five sacks last year I think, but if you're taking a double-team on every play and you weigh as much as he does, who cares?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Finaly, some sanity on this topic. I was having a hard time dismissing CW at gaurd. You guys come up with so many idea's that sometimes I forget the obvious.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    every once in a while trac. Otherwise I'm a useless sack of meat.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    A sack o' meat sounds fucking delicious right now. I'm doing another round of P90X and if you follow their mealplan you tend to miss the occasional Al's Beef or sack of meat.
    I don't think Al's Beef will notice since I'm sure Biggsy has stepped up his intake as mini camp approaches and he starts getting his game face, extra cheek fat and 3rd chin on.

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    nice. My brother did that shit. Seems like a good system. I prefer the great outdoors. Going to try and get a 6mile run in right now. It's 75 and sunny outside btw my maings.

    And here's what I've done for the last month...

    + Limit all dairy (I have a little steamed milk with my espresso every monin and milk in my after workout protein shake only)
    + Zero processed sugars or grains - once a week or two I can have a little sumpin, but most of the time just veggies, fruit, and raw food
    + No red meat - this is going to be tough going into summer as I am a fucking carnivore at heart. But after going back to Africa and having it pretty much every meal for two weeks straight, I'm sure the inside of my colon looks like a butcher shop. Gotta cut it out, but man do I miss my cast iron skillet lambs chops. Damn it.

    Get some!

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    The dairy restriction sounds tough - since I don't eat much red meat, cheese is where I get alot of vitamins.
    That and it's the food of the gods.
    Maybe your reaction time would improve with a little Snickers bar before you turn on the PS3? Just tossing ideas out there...

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Milk is good, brah. Whatever needs to be restricted, milk ain't it. Food number one. Blend it with a couple of bananas, couple of eggs. Champion.

  • I'm afraid 'big' will forever be ingrained in my walnut as 'tall'. I'd be okay with him staying at guard if they put Edwin in at RG - he's got to be better than Spencer, and moved Lance to RT, Gabe to the left. Webb and Spencer as swing tackles with alternatives for both to be drafted. Surely that can happen in seven picks.

  • Not sure I buy Roy's argument that Carimi is our best tackle. We all hope he is, but guys that are not on the field certainly cannot be considered the best option.

    Hopefully, Gabe is properly repaired; time will tell.

    On the Forte thing, what the fuck does Jason Cole actually know about what Forte has sought, and what the Bears have offered?

  • I watched Stephen Kings "Dead Zone" last night. That book was written back in 1979 and at the end, Charlie Sheen's character was stumping for the Senate. It was very interesting to see him say the exact same things that our politicians campaign on today. These guys have been playing the same old tired political games for centuries, none of them have new material, they just repackage old campaign speeches and sell them as new concepts. Every one of them campaigns by promoting fear and anger to the masses.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    It's one Harvard educated, Goldman controlled politician against another this fall. For an office that does everything possible to circumvent the other two branches of government.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Neal Stephenson wrote a good book called "Interface" (with his uncle, under the synonym George Jewsbury, I think).

    A former Chicago Bear turned politician has a stroke. They implant some sort of brain device to keep him hooked up to the polls. Hundreds of Nielsen-like target groups are monitored throughout his speeches, and every word that comes out of his mouth is programmed to properly effect each demographic.

    I loved the book.. Read through it in a day or so. It turned me on to Neal Stephenson, whom I now love. It's not nearly as sci-fi as the stuff he's done on his own. Much more palatable to the masses.

    I likedededed it.

    But, seriously, who fucking reads?

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Wow, way off...

    "Stephen Bury" was the pseudonym.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    I love History Willie. Finding the "well source" requires quite a bit of navigating though. You hit the nail on the head though about poll positioning for sure.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Your new handle is :

    Who is Willie Jewsbury

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    fucking anti-Semite

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    hee hee

    whenever I think of anti-semite of I think of Seinfeld's anti-dentite episode. Then I think of my dentist who used to drive a ferrari. Yes, a fucking neon bat piss yellow ferrari and his mistress/dental assistant had the biggest fake rack. I loved being a kid. We all wanted to be dentists when we were 12. Our thirst for knowledge/all things tooth related led to the discovery of his infidelities. Classic town scandal.

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    Don't know if you heard this one and it's probably gonna come out all wrong but I'll give it a try.

    A Jew and an atheist were arguing one day and the Jew said, "get away from me, we have absolutely nothing in common, stop wasting my time". To which the atheist replied, "whatchu talkin about, we're practically relatives I don't believe in God either".

    badda bing badda bang!
    The guy turn

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    since I don't believe in God either. What a donce I yams.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    i'm going to let that unexploded ordinance lay on the ground untouched.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Jewish pervert walks into a playground, "Hey kid, ya wanna buy some sweets?"

    Hear the one about the dyslexic insomniac philosopher? He sat up all night wondering if there was a dog.

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    nice. I fucking hate the dentist.

    I have zero issue with normal shots, doctor doesn't scare me, stiches without anesthetic, resetting dislocated parts...

    ...but when the dentist pulls out that fucking double thumb handle syringe that looks like a fucking torture implement from a scene in young Frankenstein, uhhhhgggg.... just thinking about it gives me the willies.

    Hey… willies… we’ve come full circle.

    Oh, and bat-piss yellow Ferrari = little dick. Was he short, balding, and pudgy? When you tell the story I think of the fat bob: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3151/3046156726_300caffe0e.jpg

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    no, he was a young dude with awesome hair. In retrospect the yellow ferrari may have been a sign that he was a huge douchebag but at the time he seemed as if he was the coolest guy on the planet.

    Does the needle make you think of the impending ball shot that you and Doc are going to need before you end up fielding a basketball team each?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Huh, interesting. Well, that's just normal young maledom then. Good for him.

    I just hate it man. that needle sucks.

    Oh, that was a joke. Yes, it does. and yes, I am. Not looking forward to having my baby maker snapped like a finish line streamer while in the 'baked chicken' position. Better make sure I do some serious manscaping and ass wiping before that op.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Neal Stephenson is the man.
    Cryptonomicon and Snow Crash are both in my top 10 favorite books of all time.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    Cryptonomicon is next on the list.

    Snow Crash was what got me into his real scifi stuff. Fucking loved it. My 2012 goal was to make it through the baroque cycle, but that ain't happenin.

    Just finished his new one, REAMDE, a few months back. It was way more thriller and less sci fi, which I enjoy. (I, for one, did not like Diamond Age as much as others do). I couldn't put it down. Check it if you feel the need to read 1300 or so pages.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    I liked Diamond Age - have not gotten to REAMDE yet.

    Cryptonomicon is the absolute shiznit. Love it, know it by chapter and verse.
    I did damn near memorize "Snow Crash". That book is, to me, the classic cyberpunk novel.

    The Baroque Cycle - I started but got waylaid about halfway through book one and haven't gotten back to it. That is incredibly dense.
    I think I'll pick up REAMDE before I even contemplate starting back in on the Baroque cycle.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    Diamond Age was what I read immediately after Snow Crash. I liked the ideas and such, but there was a period early in the book where I just got bored with the Judge Fang stuff.

    Luckily I had a flight to Tucson, and managed to churn through the boring shit.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    That was a great book. Too bad I have 3 kids and no time to read books except on vacation. Right now the only thing I read is engineering manuals; which isn't a lot of fun.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    And the sheep keep buying it Trac. You want the blue puppet or the red puppet? You're getting it up the tail pipe either way.

  • jrnymn17:

    Thanks for the link on the Pearl's ride. That car is sick.

    http://www.d3cadillac.com/feature-vehicles/d3-ultra-v

    I was wondering if they pulled apart an LSA for that. I didn't think that was possible, Chevy has been telling people that modding the new Camaro ZL1 will be very difficult due to the way the LSA is built.

    They stuck a big block 427 in there with 3.6 (!) liters of supercharging displacement. No wonder they call it ultracharging, good lord.

    No way was the Tremec going to hold up against 4-digits. Can you say frag grenade? A custom torque converter, drivetrain, etc etc round that package out. That is the baddest Caddy I've ever seen. Without launch control, the car would probably lose to a stock GT500 in the quarter mile, it's just too much horsepower. You could invert that thing at 70mph on a highway pull.

  • That would be nice in black with a black plastic fine mesh on the front.

  • Roy Williams sighting!

    http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_c3#/video/us/2012/04/17/vo-ny-bronx-baby-giraffe.wcs

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    god, it really does look like him running.

  • What in tarnations

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    forget about it, I'm useless on the keyboard today.

  • Wow looks like I've missed a lot.

    As a Franciscan Catholic I think Jesus would be all for the death penalty. Seeing as he was a victim of it and they let some murderer named Barabas off the hook I think he could speak first hand to the truly just way in which we as humans decide life and death.

    As for the govt. I subscribe to this theory. It's a lot more believable than anything written by Ayn Rand.
    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-9005367754264973286#
    I think it's right around the 1 hour 15 minute mark.

    And I think if we add Conte to the line we could get away with bypassing OL in the draft but I def dont feel comfortable with our Safety situation.

    NFL schedule comes out in 6 hours or so.

  • Get out, in tarnations is a Franciscan Catholic these days? I'd be interested to know Sac.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    Well there are many types of Catholic orders and when one is raised in one of their churches you tend to have your belief system shaped by their teachings. Franciscans are what I would say is a more liberal and accepting group focusing mostly on charity to the poor and oppressed and less concerned with moral sanctimony and condemnation of others. (ie Catholic Reform folks) But regardless I would think anyone who believes in the teachings of Jesus would be against the death penalty., since thats sort of a main part of his story and all.

  • Thanks for that Sac. I had heard of Franciscan Monks and wasn't familiar with the name but kinda figured is was part of both..

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    I wouldn't take that explanation as gospel Tracstar. Franciscans are like the nice guys that sit on the sidelines at the dance while the rest of us make out with their dates.

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    i keed, St. Francis of Assisi was the man. Not really fair to categorize other groups as less concerned about helping the poor and defenseless which is what all of these groups specialize in doing.

  • There's also Jesuits, Dominicans, etc which are known for emphasizing different values.

    Hey, have you watched the movie "In the Name of the Rose" Sac? It's a bit grim, but pretty good.

    Yeah, I hear yeah. People who are "Christian" and for the Death Penalty really baffle me. It's an oxymoron like "Kill a Commie for Christ"...

  • Butch, i'm a catholic but I am a moderate politically since I don't really follow any party lines on issues. I'm pro death penalty even though I know that it is against some of the core tenants of the faith. Sometimes a motherfucker just has to get got.

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    Sandusky comes to mind.

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    All I need is a crowbar, 25 feet of chain, and a pickup for that fucker.

  • Southern trees bare strange fruit.

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    I completely understand the feeling Waffle. When I hear about such things, as aweful as it sounds, torture doesn't seem so extreme anymore.

    But Jesus specifically and undeniably stood against giving into that part of our nature through both his words and his actions.

    Personally, I think Augustine opened up a slippery slope when he argued that "justified defense" was ok with God. We all saw what that lead to in the Mediveal Ages, but that's for another blog lol

    But I totally get it. I just saw "Sleepers" the other day (which was supposed to be based on a true story), and I too want to get medieval on their asses.

  • There's bookoo bad doctrine on this subject. Back in the day, if you killed someone without premeditation, there were santuary cities you could flee to legally, and live. Also, an eye for an eye is correctly interpreted, don't administer more punishment than what the offender actually was guilty of. Also, the Good Word states that Cursed is the Nation that does not swiftly administer judgement on the guilty. Murder is defined as prematited taking of another life without cause or for sworded gain. An unrepentant murderer's punishment according to the scriptures, is Death. The whole death penalty thing in this country was founded on the propper interpretation of scriptures. Some of our Lawyer bloggers may even be able to confirm that at one time, all American case law was wieghed against scripture first in order to determine if it was a just law that could hold up to scripture.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    I'm well aware that the Old Testament is ok with stoning people to death, owning slaves, and slaughtering women and children heathens...

    But are you arguing that JESUS is pro death penalty?

    This, I'd like to hear.

  • Hear, hear. I don't think Christ would have been a fan of killing people - no matter what they'd done. Forgiveness was the lesson I remember, and it was Thou Shalt not kill, not the Thou Shalt not commit murder. Killing is murder in my book, just because the State executes somebody, doesn't make it okay, it makes them the same as the person whose life they are ending. Two wrongs don't make a right.

  • In reply to TracDaddy:

    It's a Catholic who can't lighten up.

    (sorry. Stripes joke was just sitting there, I had to.)

  • Hard to argue with Rowdy Roddy.

  • In reply to MikeBrownhadaPosse:

    Especially in the movie, "They Live".

  • Awesome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3wFlzoUtC8

  • http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/04/17/report-mjd-absence-has-to-do-with-wanting-a-new-contract/

    You don't think Forte's agent is pulling some shit? Forte is getting some seriously shitty advice from his agent. Same agent as MJD. Trying to be all Drew Rosenhaus and fucking up the man's head in the meantime.

  • In reply to Waffle 2.0:

    that fucktard is a cancer. He's going to singlehandedly fuck forte's career if he keeps this up.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Maybe he realizes the overpaid RB window is closing quickly. Gotta make the deals while Deangelo and CJ1K contracts are still fresh enough for comparison sake.

    3 years from now, "long term" will mean 2 years for running backs.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    sure, it's worth a try... but when you run up against a brick wall, it might be smart to change tact.

    So you agree with his strategy huh. Jerk.

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    I understand it.

    I agree that he should, to quote the great philosopher Garfield, "be drug out in the street and shot".

    He still doesn't know how his current methods will turn out... Looks like he's willing to see it through.

    Too bad we couldn't do MJD for Forte. I'd savor that sauce.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Fuck that. I'd take Forte over the little bitch any day. Unless it was to see Cutler kick him in the nuts a dozen times or two for his fucking mouth about Jay not being tough.

    Certainly, you CANT be serious?!?

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Agree Willie.

    In some ways, Forte and RIce are making the last stand at Wounded Knee for HBs everywhere.

    But if that's the case, they better be prepared to sit out two years. If not, they're just trying to cash in for themselves, which is most likely they case since I seriously doubt their agents gives a shit about HBs.

  • you said wounded kneee

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    If anyone brings up that stupid goddamn Skyrim arrow in the knee meme, I will punch them in their internet gonads.

    Aw shit.

    BTW, visiting Pine Ridge is both simultaneously uplifting spiritually and really depressing at the same time

  • 85's on fire today. I like it. Wounded Knee syndrome, sounds catchy.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Like the overpaid QB window?!?

    It will be interesting to see what these idiots pay Luck and III this season

  • Maybe Harvey's dad will show back up on the blog again. This is good news, because I hadn't tired of saying "Unga Bunga" yet...

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/football/bears/chi-bears-reinstate-rb-unga-20120416,0,6905419.story

  • Man, never knew he was so big. 6'2 237.

    If he can run, pass block, catch, and stay on the field, we're good.

  • that's all?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    and tackle, since he's going to have to play on Sp teams! lol

  • Hey Willie.... did you get set up yesterday?

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    No... Ordering via the interwebz to save $20 on the game, and then got a few days to figure out the headset action...

    http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/030312/includes-sense-of-purpose.gif

    By the way, this toothpastefordinner site is INCREDIBLE!

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    the asterisk point is so fucking hilarious… it's fucking hilarious!

    Like... O...M...G!!!!! Soooooo OMG.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    perfect for our recent convo: http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/010412/congressional-tiebreakers.gif

  • Oh god... I thought about not posting this because when I do (just did) I'm never going to hear the end of it from fucking Shady. Yes, yes shady, he'll make some other team a nice TE.

    http://insider.espn.go.com/nfl/draft2012/story?id=7821485&_slug_=2012-nfl-draft-coby-fleener-rueben-randle-top-projected-value-picks&action=login&appRedirect=http%3a%2f%2finsider.espn.go.com%2fnfl%2fdraft2012%2fstory%3fid%3d7821485%26_slug_%3d2012-nfl-draft-coby-fleener-rueben-randle-top-projected-value-picks

  • In reply to MB30SD:

    Ugh! I dont know how i feel about picking a TE in the 1st round. It seems like we would have just traded Olsen for no good reason and spent the free agency watching decent TE's get signed. But I also know that we have ONE, thats ONE tight end that can catch the ball. he goes down and our short passing game takes a big hit. I know I'm pumped about the additions made but there are still a ot of holes going into the draft. DE, WR, DB, TE, DB is how I would like to see it go down but we'll see.

  • Spaeth, at least in Madden 12, is a 1,000 yard guy.

    Fact.

  • In reply to Who is Willie Gault:

    Spaeth is no longer a Bear.

  • WHAT!?!?! Where the hell was I?

    Then who the fuck do we have other than KD?

  • wikipedia still has him as a bear...

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matt_Spaeth

    and you know what my daddy says... you have to believe everything you read on the interwebs boyah!

  • Da Site still has him on the roster page. That is the source that *I* believe.

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    Yeah, I haven't heard anything about Spaeth leaving.

  • We did that, and Martzed him away.

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    (grrr)

    In other words, no fucking shit on Olsen

  • Second Rounder: maybe?
    http://espn.go.com/blog/chicago/bears/post/_/id/4675795/source-bears-to-host-south-carolinas-jeffery

  • In reply to lobotobear:

    If we could get him in the second, I say take him. That kid ain't bad.

    But of all the Gamecocks I've ever seen, and there have been a few good ones, THIS is the one you want...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTkmiBdoBDc

  • In reply to SC Dave:

    I think Cutler was letting us in on the draft war room when he said on the Waddle and Silvy show that they weren't looking to add another guy into the competition, receivers being 'fickle'. There aren't enough balls to go around, and we know Brandon Beastly is going to get a lot of them. Thank God. I can't wait.

  • What in thee holy fuck shit!?!?!?

    Why in god's name would we get rid of the road-grader?!?!?! Why why why? He missed one block damn it!

    Emery better fucking have a good plan man, and it better not fucking include Shady's boycrush keebler (or whatever the fuck his name is) in the first round.

  • As far as I know Spaeth is still on the team but his career numbers speak for themselves. In short we need someone other than KD.

  • Ok, there seems to be some confusion on my part here. I could swear I read of his release. I guess he is there, which gives us two serviceable TEs.

  • don't do that to me GP... for fuck sake!

  • From the, 'They can't be fucking serious file': http://yfrog.com/odepprrj

    Steelers will wear these for their 80th anniversary this season. Wow.

  • Holy COW: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZ5-M0CmYTs

    Can you say nobel prize!?!??!

    Wait...

  • danpompei about 8 hours ago Everyone wants a Gronkowski or a Graham, but the pickings are slim in the draft TE pool. http://t.co/Tz6Ql9Sy

    Shaaaaady!

  • Conspiring with Obama to tax and spend hardworking white guys, having all those secret parties with Castro with all that rich Cuban food, caused the poor man to have ass cancer.

    http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505144_162-57415440/buffett-has-prostate-cancer-says-he-feels-great/

  • BEARS SCHEDULE 2012

    http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/563673_10150764224609452_115897014451_9019010_788836442_n.jpg

  • NEW THREAD!

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