I logged on DaSite this morning to the arousing headline, "New quarterback Cutler gaining firm grasp of Bears offense." This begs a second question: "What's he going to do tomorrow?"
I'm going to make it easy on Captain Cutler by providing a series of instructions that should make the transition seamless.
1. On second/third/fourth and short situations, Ron Turner is going to ask you to hand the football to your fullback. You should not do this. Ever.
2. Sometimes the receivers don't catch the ball, even when you throw it well. Especially Rashied Davis. I'm not sure what the other receivers will do because, other than Devin Hester, none of them have ever caught a pass in the league. Don't get down. We'll get you better ones in time.
3. When you see that same Mr. Hester running a go route downfield, throw the football. If he doesn't catch it, he'll draw a flag from a terrified corner/safety who has never seen a player run that fast. (On a similar note, Turner's going to want you to throw this dopey Hester screen all the time. You should not do this. Ever.)
4. Throw the ball to Greg Olsen all the time. He's a 90-catch talent coming off a 54-catch season and there's neither a linebacker nor a safety in the league that can cover him man-to-man. (Turner may require you throw an endzone fade to Mr. Olsen. You should not do this. Ever.)
5. This is going to be a strange experience for both of us, Jay. We're not used to having an elite-level quarterback and you're not used to playing outside the shadow of former quarterbacking glory. You're going to want to impress us. That's fine. But the most important thing to Chicago Bears fans is winning ballgames. 4,000 yards would be wonderful. Pro Bowls, perfecting ratings, all that stuff. Wonderful. But if you win ballgames, specifically the one at the end of the season, you become immortal in one of America's greatest cities. You stop paying for things. You open steak restaurants. If you win the one at the end of the season, you <strong>become</strong> Chicago Bears football.
Site Note: We're being told the transition to ChicagoNow will be happening on Tuesday, May 12th.