White Sox in Haiku: Indians 8, White Sox 4

Disappointing game
First home series loss since June
On scorching hot day

Filed under: White Sox

Tags: Haiku, Indians, White Sox

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  • Very weak first line. Commentary in poetry (even in fake/baseball haiku) is not usually a good strategy.

    Why was the game disappointing. (Likely Contreras related.) A first line with luminous details, would be more effective, even keeping your artificial 5-7-5 syllable form:

    Contreras implodes

    The second line? How bout

    Lost series to last place Tribe.

    As for the last line, why not go for the multiple meaning:

    fans burn in the heat.

    Just suggestions. Poetry, even fake haiku, takes more effort than counting syllables.

    Contreras implodes.
    Lost series to last place Tribe
    - fans burn in the heat.

  • On behalf of Dan
    Thanks for your comment and your
    "Fake haiku" advice

    But in his defense
    When pitchers "implode" like that
    "Poets" get depressed

    I write Cubs haiku
    So I'm quite the expert at
    Composing while sad

    Thanks for your comment, Splabman (can I call you Splab for short?) It's our hope that Chicago Sports in Haiku will provide a quick, fun read for Chicago sports fans and encourage others to join in the fun challenge of composing haiku - fake or otherwise.

    But I would challenge your suggestion that "commentary in poetry ... is not usually a good strategy." I think most poets would argue that poetry, by its very nature, is commentary.

    If you think the 17 syllable haiku is insufficient for proper commentary, I refer you to our post from last weekend. Cubs fans on Twitter provided many angry haiku about the poor performance of Kevin Gregg, who blew two saves in two games.

    http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/chicago-sports-in-haiku/2009/08/cubs-fan-anger-in-haiku-kevin-gregg.html

    Thanks again ... we welcome your continued participation in our discussion here at Chicago Sports In Haiku and the other great blogs at ChicagoNow.

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