Friends, countrymen, Romans, I thought I'd carved out a little niche here. I realize I had big shoes to fill. Untied shoes to fill. I know that I only contribute sporadically, while appearing elsewhere. Maybe it's that I haven't given my whole self to this, or so is the perception. But I thought we'd found a connection, both with staff and readers. Perhaps I had become complacent. But I really thought we had something, Den-sters.
And then they asked me to recap a night where the Cubs lost 10-1 to Trevor Bauer. How could I have wronged you all so to deserve this?
Here's the thing. I'm a good guy. I stray from the path sometimes. I make mistakes, I know that (someone hand me Rahm's apology sweater). But at the end of the day I'm confident I mean well. I want the best for everyone here. So to saddle me with this...well it feels excessive. Cruel and unusual, even.
And really, what am I supposed to say here? The high-wire that Tyler Chatwood walks sometimes means he's going to fall off. Sometimes he's going to be completely fastened on as he was in his last start. And then sometimes you're going to get splattered Wallenda. He couldn't find the plate, he didn't want to find the plate, he couldn't spell "plate," he wasn't even eating his food off a plate, and you can only do that for so long. It's something of a minor miracle that he hasn't gotten shelled really until right now. This probably won't be the last of 'em.
As for the other side, well, that's just a touch more nauseating. I don't want to disgrace this blog by really going in on Bauer, even though for all the talk of how cerebral he is I'm fairly sure he's endless entertained by tin foil, but he's having a good season. And he had the Cubs flummoxed, though by the time they were getting a second look at him they were down a touchdown and that tends to alter things. Maybe next time he can play with his drone--which I'm positive is a metaphor--before a start and slice off his finger. He would be doing the world a favor.
It's strange with this team. The overall numbers say it's one of the best offenses in the league, and it is. It's just spiky, in that it has its off nights and it has its major on nights. There doesn't seem to be a thread for the two, but we'll find it.
Maybe it's best we forget this night ever happened. I know I want to. And I'll go about making amends for whatever my crimes are that have saddled me with this. I promise.
Oh, you want a chart? Here's your chart...
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