The other day on face book there was a picture post, "Replace one word in a movie title with bacon". I normally ignore these kinds of things by people who live dull, meaningless, and useless lives.
There is an exception to every rule. I immediately thought Baconfather. Strains of the Godfather sountrack ran through my febrile brain.
The Baconfather, Don Porkleone, that's me.
"Leave the gun, take the bacon."
"Make them bacon they can't refuse."
"What does this mean?" (A newspaper wrapped bullet proof vest with a bacon wrapped roast in it.) "It means Luca Porcino sleeps with the pigs."
"A man who doesn't eat bacon can never be a real man"
"Behind every great fortune there is bacon."
God created bacon because he loves us and wants us to enjoy ourselves.
Our bodies are temples to the worship of bacon.
Bacon, eaten alone, with eggs, or used as an ingredient in other dishes lends distinctive taste, texture, and sometimes needed fat to food.
By the way, there is nothing like eggs fried in bacon fat.
I love the sound, sight, and smell of bacon sizzling in the pan.
I live, dream, make and eat bacon wrapped pork roasts, chicken, turkey, sausages, Jalapeno peppers stuffed with chorizo and dried fruits, meatloaves, briskets, and even some fish. Anything wrapped in bacon is delicious.
Heck, even bacon wrapped in bacon can't be beat.
Bacon sandwiches are right up their with the classic Chicago Italian beef sanguiches.
Crispy bacon makes a perfect garnish and accompaniment to any kind of food.
Millionaires bacon? You can keep your fancy schmancy candy stores. Bacon jam is as good, if not better than fruit jams for spreading.
I love all kinds of bacon. Cured, smoked, Chinese, spiced, rubbed, or just that commercial thin sliced stuff.
Bacon should be one of the food groups. Better, it should be a food pyramid of its own. The White House should start a "Let's Bacon" campaign. Don Porkleone may have to give some campaign bribes to get that off the ground.
All school breakfasts and lunches should include bacon. Don Porkleone will have to make those school boards an offer they can't refuse.
Don Porkleone will use all his power to destroy the myths that bacon is not good for you, is hazardous to your health, or contains toxic ingredients.
Those who purvey such nonsense will fear the Baconfather.
Being happy is the key to health. Bacon makes you happy. Eat bacon. Don Porkleone has spoken.
I worked my whole life- I don't apologize- To take care of my bacon, and I refused to be a fool, dancing on the string bean held by all those vegan and vegetarian bigashots. I don't apologize-Bacon's my life.
I chose this life. It did not choose me. When the time comes, if I can utter, "Bacon is beautiful", I will die a happy man.
Don Porkleone will do whatever it takes to keep bacon on America's tables. If it means we have to go to the mattresses, so be it. It is the right thing to do. It is the American thing to do.
Obey to the Baconfather. Eat bacon. Or you may find a cabbage head, dirt, roots, and all, in your bed one morning.
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