Ten Reasons Why Your Boss Is Mean

Ten Reasons Why Your Boss Is Mean

To say today's end-of-the-month meeting didn't go so well would be an understatement.

Much like a Festivus celebration, the airing of grievances portion of the afternoon was a real eye opener.

Apparently, the reasons things are tense around the workplace fall in one lap.


Their issues in a nutshell?

I create a "hostile work environment" because I am so very mean.  Like,  incredibly mean.

You want an example?  Because, trust me,  they had plenty.

  • I told the cashier she couldn't eat her omelet at the register while she rang out the breakfast rush.
  • I nixed the practice of updating their Facebook Status during working hours.
  • I made them remake the ten pounds of bacon they burned beyond recognition for the breakfast catering upstairs for the execs.
  • I insist the drawer balances.  Daily.
  • I make 'em wear the hairnets and vinyl gloves.  All.The.Time.  Sheesh.

I agreed.  I'm a real bitch.

That's why I make the big bucks and have a chair that spins in my dark-windowless office in the back of the storeroom.

The same storeroom that serves as housing for Marvin the Mouse and his growing family.


Until the ass-kisser of the crowd suddenly spoke up.

"Yeah-I really don't like being stuck in one place all day long - maybe you could give me something in the office to do - so I could help you - maybe then you wouldn't be so stressed."

Nice try, Brown Nose.

This was the perfect opportunity to set them all straight.

My job would be a hell of a lot easier if they would all simply do their job.

As they filed out, I assured them I'd take all of their "ideas" into consideration.

Because, I did hear their complaints.  Really.  Loud and clear.

As I spun around in my cool chair - I thought about what transpired.

I am mean.  A big, fat meanie.  But that doesn't necessarily make me a complete asshat.

Maybe I wouldn't be such a mean ole meanie if I didn't have to waste so much time wondering if I look more like Charlie Brown's teacher than I sound.

Wah Wah Wah Wah

Or perhaps I was a parrot in a past life - because I definitely could medal in a "repeating yourself" event if it were ever featured in the Olympics.

I thought about it even more on the long ride home - and put together a list in my head of the reasons why.

Ten reasons why their boss is so goddamn mean...

#10 - Because I'm tired.  Seriously, so goddamn tired.  Doing your job, in addition to mine, is fricking exhausting.

#9 - Because I have to entertain stupid questions.  "What column do cheese sticks go in?"  Are.You.Fucking.Kidding.ME?  (BTW...the choices were produce, meat, dry goods or dairy)

#8 - Because I'm running out of ways to answer stupid questions - without sounding like a mean ole asshole.

#7 - Because at this point in my life, if I started drinking again - I'd never stop.  Ever.

#6 - Because you keep forgetting your open-toed shoes and thinking cap at home on Inventory Day.

#5 - Because you can't master the spell check feature on the computer.  Monty Christo's ?!?  Really?  (Really - I can't make this shit up.)

#4 - Because this is hardly rocket science.  It's a flippin' cafeteria.

#3 - Because I think "Sorry, I'm not coming in - I have explosive diarrhea" is a real shitty excuse to miss work.

#2 - Because putting together and placing a $200 Pepsi order shouldn't take anyone 3.5 hours.  Ever.

#1 - Because the best time to let me know you're 86-ing ketchup or pop cups or  lettuce or ANYTHING for that matter,  shouldn't be three seconds after you run out.  That shit makes me stabby.


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