Judith Found Jesus And Scored A New Set Of Jugs

Judith Found Jesus And Scored A New Set Of Jugs

JudiWithAnEye is different these days.  So very different.  I blame Jesus.

Breaking News has been coming on the regular with particular thanks to Judi's assistant Gossipy Gwen.   The lounge adjacent to their HR cubicles has become Info Central lately.

Here is the 411:  Her first name is now Judith.  Staff members assure the break room that proof can be found on every employees' time card where the lady's signature is  found.

The biggest news coming out of Gwen's cubicle though is that  JudiWithAnEye no longer dots her I with a big ole heart.

HR really hasn't been the same since JudiWithAnEye returned from her impromptu two-week  Caribbean honeymoon three weeks ago last Tuesday.

Between you and me?

Prior to the wheels up announcement on the Boeing 757 out of O'Hare, JudiWithAnEye hadn't ventured outside of the tri-county area with the lone exception of scoring nicotine and gasoline on the cheap and dropping two percent off the tax rate on her weekly Target bottom line.

Let's be clear...JudiWithAnEye didn't turn into Judith overnight.  This shit has been going on longer than two weeks.  The transformation of Lady Judith has been in the works for over a year.

Judith found Jesus a year ago last August.  She turned  her rosary and collection envelopes over at St. Mary of Sorrow and headed over to the inviting atmosphere of the non-denominational pews and the big screen at the Revival Church.

Yep, the good folks down at the You've Been Saved Revival Church welcomed a new member earlier this year and her name was Judi.

In the last fourteen months, Judi has given up more than the heart dotting her I and catholic faith of her youth.

She dumped the moron she was married to, stopped shopping the clearance racks at Goodwill, and has really developed quite an appetite, especially when you consider every meal she posts to her facebook page.

And for everything she has given up she has gained ten-fold.  Rev. He'sSoSlick told her that would happen.

Right after he introduced her to Mr. HeUsedToBeLonely.

Thanks to her new "friend", Judith quickly learned the difference between a drive-thru window and reserved seating at a four-star establishment.

The former drab girl has been sporting a new wardrobe courtesy of Michigan Avenue boutiques for the last two seasons.  And, God bless lessons in applying makeup, the touch up and highlight trip to the salon every four weeks, and last but certainly not least, the blow out every morning.  Talk about a confidence booster.

In addition to a diamond ring and a trip requiring a passport, Judith has secured something even better.  After taking a long weekend, the new bride returned yesterday sporting a pretty daring blouse with a plunging neckline.

Rev. HesSoSlick was absolutely right.  She got her generosity back ten-fold.

Thanks to her new man, Judith's  cups now runneth over.

 

 

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