Illinois Food Safety/Sanitation Certificate: I've Got One And I Am Not Afraid To Use It!

Illinois Food Safety/Sanitation Certificate:  I've Got One And I Am Not Afraid To Use It!








When I started this job I had three priorities:  Clean up the pigsty...cut the out-of-control-food-cost in half...and get my sanitation license.

Check, check, and after today check.

Fresh from my sanitation class I am afraid to report there are fifteen hours of my life that I will never get back.


The only highlight?

For the last two Mondays I did not have to crunch numbers over at the "now-it-is-only-kind-of-a-pigsty, Pigsty.

One of the many low-lights?

Sitting my fat ass on a banquet chair at a folding table for seven-and-a-half hours at a local hotel pretending to look interested.

food safety

Can you say uncomfortable?

In the two-day-fifteen-hour class I learned many things about Bert~the guy who taught the course.

One:  Bert may be a master chef, but you know what he isn't?  Bert is NOT a master speaker.  Poor Bert.

He had a terrible speech impediment.  Terrible.  Cringe-worthy.  Bad.

Thank God for the Master Chef's lisp and inability to pronounce any important word correctly.  His affliction not only kept me amused~it kept me awake.  Seriously, I couldn't wait to hear which word/phrase he would eff up next.

"Sal-a-mol-nell-a"   "Ill-in-oys"  "Shing-ra-la"  "Wadies and Gentumen what you have here is a POTable watta source".

And, addition to being a master chef, my new buddy Bert is a "Master Baker".

Uh-huh!  Yes, he is.  The patch on the left arm of his chef's coat says as much.  Master.Baker.

God Bless Master Baker Bert...cause you know without me telling you what came out of his mouth when he pointed out the "Mastuh Bakuh" patch on his "weft om".

Go ahead, say "Mastuh Bakuh" three times fast to yourself.


And, that makes me giggle.

Sure, I learned some other stuff that is going to come in pretty handy back at the pigsty.

Like the fact that the brooms don't belong next to the fryer.  And the sanitizing section of the sink needs to be emptied and freshened up more than once a shift.  And, oh, matter how hot that dishwasher gets the sucker isn't doing anybody any good unless we put some soap in the SOB.

And my suspicions regarding the chef's soup du jour were right!

I gave him one job...make italian sausage soup...looks yummy, no?

I gave him one job...make Italian sausage soup...looks yummy, no?

This shit is a wawsuit/botuwisim out-bwake waiting to happen.

The Master Baker said so.


Want to find out what soup we won't be warming up on the steam-table tomowwow thanks to the knowledge I gained from my ole buddy Bert?

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