Why I Decided to Take That Job And Shove It

Why I Decided to Take That Job And Shove It
FULL DISCLAIMER – I QUIT MY OLD JOB AT CAFE CLUSTERFUCK- AND I ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT TELLING THE WHOLE STORY – UNTIL NOW. BELOW IS THE FIRST CHAPTER IN WHAT WILL NO DOUBT BE A BEST-SELLING NOVEL OR AN ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY.  HEY BABY – I HAVE TWO EXTRA HOURS ON THE METRA, ALONG WITH A... Read more »

Who Doesn't Offer You a Donut on Donut Day

Who Doesn't Offer You a Donut on Donut Day
As soon as I pulled in the parking lot today, I knew something was different. For a Friday, the lot was packed.  Flex time officially kicked in to gear back in May – - this lot is usually a graveyard this time of year. The lot hasn’t been this full since Christmas bonuses were passed out... Read more »

Ten Reasons Why Your Boss Is Mean

Ten Reasons Why Your Boss Is Mean
To say today’s end-of-the-month meeting didn’t go so well would be an understatement. Much like a Festivus celebration, the airing of grievances portion of the afternoon was a real eye opener. Apparently, the reasons things are tense around the workplace fall in one lap. Mine. Their issues in a nutshell? I create a “hostile work... Read more »
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Why The Syrup Isn't Free

Why The Syrup Isn't Free
Cheapskate Charlie comes in every morning.  This guy never buys a goddamn thing, but he always needs something. Today he shows up with a packet of oatmeal from home. It’s not so much what he “brings” in his lunchbox that bothers Chatty Cathy ringing at the register.  It’s what he conveniently forgets that pisses her off on the reg.... Read more »

Why Frying Eggs Make Bernice Stabby

Why Frying Eggs Make Bernice Stabby
Dumb and Dumber step up to the counter every morning at eight o’clock sharp, right after the bell sounds for the first break. Dumb might be dumb, but Dumber is a complete douche bag. His outfit of choice is usually a wrinkled pair of khaki cargo pants paired with a hideous Hawaiian shirt.  Most days,... Read more »

Judith Found Jesus And Scored A New Set Of Jugs

Judith Found Jesus And Scored A New Set Of Jugs
JudiWithAnEye is different these days.  So very different.  I blame Jesus. Breaking News has been coming on the regular with particular thanks to Judi’s assistant Gossipy Gwen.   The lounge adjacent to their HR cubicles has become Info Central lately. Here is the 411:  Her first name is now Judith.  Staff members assure the break... Read more »
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Cream Of Tomato Soup: A Recipe For Disaster

Cream Of Tomato Soup: A Recipe For Disaster
Whenever there is a tragedy-whether it is breaking news or a call from the family phone tree-I bow my head and say a prayer. Today is one of those days. The tragedy, you may ask? Fat-Ass Flannigan from Accounting didn’t get her cream of tomato soup. Hashtag RealProbs …Hashtag CryMeARiver…Hashtag FlanniganIsAFatAss. Sure the menu posted... Read more »

My Dream Of A Perfect Day

My Dream Of A Perfect Day
Welcome to ChicagoNow’s Blogapalooz-Hour! Our challenge, if we choose to accept it, is to publish a post in one hour. Here is tonight’s challenge: “Write what your perfect day would be like, either in reality or fantasy” My perfect day would begin with me jumping out of bed the first time the alarm rings…thereby avoiding... Read more »

Six Of The Most Ridiculous Reasons To Call Off Work

Six Of The Most Ridiculous Reasons To Call Off Work
Oh joy.  The cold and flu season has arrived.  Let the sniffles begin.  Now the bullshit excuses can really fly.  Bring it.  I have heard them all. Today, I had to write up Sickly Serena.  Her crime?  She has taken advantage of her thirty-first sick day this year and we still have two and a half months to... Read more »
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War Declared In Dishroom

War Declared In Dishroom
“Laverne and Shirley” have known each other for years. They go way, way back to their time at The White Hen. Laverne made the sandwiches.  Shirley brewed the coffee. Like peas and carrots, those two. Laverne has been working for me for a couple of years.  The lady is “good people”.  If you’re familiar with... Read more »