So, you are probably wondering about the "Rules" that will go into the Bus Etiquette Manual. It's really quite simple. These are basic rules that everyone learned as a child (in theory). For the record, I'm really not a snob. I'm a humanitarian, a community activist, a coach, a mentor, a sponsor, a supporter. I'm a lover, not a fighter.
I see my role as an extension of the police ( local, state and fashion). Keep in mind that I am merely acting on my oath of office and trying to help the people who don't know they need it. I am an agent of change. I am just doing my job. With that said...violators will be persecuted.
I feel that I have been negligent in not publishing the manual before now... it starts today. In no particular order.
- If you are wearing a backpack on your back and you get a seat....take that thing off. It's a backpack, not a seatpack.
- Before you leave the house..excuse my French...wash that azz. At least give it a little sprinkle.
- Try a different, fresh outfit each day.
- If you sit your arse in a seat that is clearly designated for the handicapped, jump up when they come. Don't sit there looking stupid and wait for people to yell.."wheelchair coming". You see it. Get up!
- If you are a man, close your legs best you can. If you claim to be a woman, close your legs. It is still acceptable to cross at the ankle.
In the words of Tami Roman "Let's get into it."
Here's a mini-tip, no sauce.
If, per chance you should bump me with your elbow don't turn and look at me as IF I touched you. Proper etiquette would be to turn to me and say, Excuse me, OR I'm so sorry your highness, but excuse me is perfectly acceptable in this instance.
Oh and by the way, don't send that resume that you're talking about to me or anyone that I know. Unacceptable.
Pardon me, sir you are wearing two pairs of glasses. Did you know? Have you been looking for them? Just touch your hat sir. Anybody seen my glasses? Yes, one pair on your face and the other is on your hat. Jeez
Can you do side eye with both eyes at once?
I think the police should have a division of ticketer's who ride the bus in the morning. They could make a lot of money for the city.
Here are just a few offenses that I've observed:
- Violating the noise level based on time of day. If its not 7:00 am yet, there should be no loud cackling. Nothing is that funny at that time of day.
- Wearing 2 pairs of glasses at once. Definitely a violation sir.
- Talking across the aisle. Eh!
Somebody remind me to cover personal space next week.
I am an impartial journalist simply reporting what I witness, but this cackling at 6:50 am, no ma'am! You need to cut it.
Have a good day Mr Double vision. I'm not judging. Maybe the other pair is in case you lose the ones on your face.
And about these leggings...if I can see through them... I better leave that right there, for now.
This is community service.
I have so much love in my heart.
Come back next week and meet some of the regular characters on the bus.