In my inbox this morning:
Laura, my friend, if you are not too busy I'd like your advice.
Not too long ago I had a stroke followed by a heart attack. On top of it, my partner at the time cheated on me, so I went into a deep depression and gained weight.
Now I'm going to therapy and I am trying to lose weight. I have been talking to a woman who I was supposed to meet way before I met my ex but never got the chance, as she had to travel to Europe. Recently, we have been talking. She likes me and I like her, but I told her I am not skinny like I was back when she first started talking to me.
She then said she was not into chunky girls.
I've been dieting, believe me, but she wants to meet this Sunday and I am so scared don't know what to do.
If she's not into chunky girls - that kinda says it all right there, don’t ya think. If she's superficial to that extent - move on before she hurts you later.
You DO NOT want to be with someone who's not fully into you, who doesn't love you for you, and could possibly be swayed to leave you for a "thinner” girl down the road. Cos if you ain’t her type, you ain’t her type. She’ll just dally with you while she has nothing better to do, till the “right” girl comes along who fits her “skinny” her ideal.
We’ve all been through this a time or two . . .
Spend time working on yourself, your weight and wellness, your appearance and self-esteem. I coach in all these areas - not just weight loss. And I coach groups . . . so I know from what I speak.
Be straight with her – forgive the pun.
If you’re curious about her, meet her in person, but don’t get your hopes up and think she’s gonna fall madly in love with you as soon as she sees what a fabulous, gorgeous gal you are.
Regardless of what you decide - if you get involved with this chick - proceed very cautiously.
Tell her you’re not eye candy – you’re soul food.
Above all, guard your heart.
Learn to take better care of yourself and lose weight for you - not for anyone else.
Love comes and goes. You are with "you" forever.
From my experience, there is no difference between the sexes - hetero or any combination thereof when it comes to relationships or pretty much anything else.
Affairs of the heart are affairs of the heart. Gay. Straight. Trans. Bi. We’re basically all the same. We’re ALL equal.
And I AM An Ally. We must work to end bigotry and hate.
We all have our own $#it to deal with and either you like me for me - or move on - cos if you don't like me, someone else better surely will.
I walk with a limp right now due to some physical issues. When I was recently separated from my huz for five years and dating around, I once had a guy tell me, "guys don't like girls who limp."
My reply: "Girls don't like big assholes, either."
I got up and took a taxi home.
Onward . . .
Laura, thank you for your advice. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk with me.
Your situation reminds me of something I went through in my past. I learned the hard way.
I now remind myself that God often removes a person from your life for your protection.
Think about that before you go running after them.
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Filed under: Ask Laura Anything