Baby Foreskin Foot

Baby Foreskin Foot
They grow so fast! Welcome to the world, kids!

I've had a couple of ulcers on my foot for a few months now. I am diabetic which is slowing the healing process. In an earlier blog I wrote of my knee scooter. Now I write of my brand new additions. My doctor has grafted on neo natal foreskin to help the cells grow to heal.

Yes, my doctor grafted on little baby foreskin.

First thing I did was thank him because for a comedian this is an early Christmas present. The second thing I though about is my excitement to watch them grow and become adolescents, then teenagers, and then adults.

I knew when I started telling people they'd want names. So welcome to the world Sweet Lew and Benny. I also made sure to appreciate whatever sleep I could get. Even if I slept a couple minutes here or there. It would make a world of difference when they wake up for a feeding in the middle of the night.

I've been calling around to schools as well. Look, it is never too early to look into education options. To my dismay I have been hung up on a lot. It looks like home schooling might be my only option. That's kind of a bummer but anything for my little babies.

I have noticed something strange that happens on occasion. When I'm walking around my foot gross a couple of inches then a couple of minutes later goes to normal.

I'm looking forward to bringing them to Chuck E. Cheese for the first time. I will spend all of my money on the tokens. There is no limit to how much I'd pay just to see them smile. Seriously they are lacking a mouth they might require surgery. I'll spare no expense just so they can smile...oh and see and hear... They don't have eyes and ears either.

Some people think it is irrational to "pretend" I have children. To them I say I am not pretending. They are my kids I will watch them grow, go to school, fall I'm love, have their hearts broken, and eventually have kids of their own.

I have an update:

After a few weeks with the grafts I'm pretty much healed and the doctor took my babies away. What the hell, man?!?! This is a grave injustice. I'm inspired by Sally Fields and I'm fighting to get my kids back a la Not Without My Daughter.

I will not rest until I am reunited with the foreskins that gave new life to my gross feet.

I hate feet.

Especially mine.

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Filed under: comedy, me.

Tags: foot, foreskin, graft, health, medicine

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