Hello My Name Is Patrick Not Pat

Hello My Name Is Patrick Not Pat
The hugs are only free if you call me Patrick

After all of these years of silence it is time to make a proclamation.

Stop

Effing

Calling

Me

PAT!!!

Seriously, for some with names that can't be shortened like Shawn or Tracey it might seem like not a big deal. However, for every Patrick, Anthony, or Katherine let me tell you it is.

Yes, there was an era gone by when I did not care. Sure you could've called me Pat and Betty you could have called me Al. As an older gent I began to have a preference. I renounced the name Pat and only wished to be called Patrick.

Of course I made and still make exceptions for those who knew me as a young ragamuffin but it is like nails on a chalkboard now. Pat is a verb you pat a dog's head. My dad is Pat, so many times on Facebook people get confused and ask if I'm junior or senior. If only Facebook let you see pictures.

If I'm not allowed to mistakenly allowed to call you Jerkface or Smellypants then just call me Patrick. Patrick is a swell dude, he is funny, smart and better than decent looking. Pat is a Debbie downer oops I mean Deborah, he thinks Extreme is a good band, and wears Z. Cavaricci 3 years too late.

I try not to be such a stickler about it. I let it slide the first time but I will correct repeated offenses. I try not to sound like a dick when I say something but it does drive me crazy.

I will be honest I'm not a fan of my name in any variation. I prefer Patrick but honestly I would have preferred to be named Gunnar or Awesomeface McGillicutty. I am stuck with Patrick though, for worse or worse than worse.

As a comedian I could have changed my stage name but that is a commitment. I thought about using my middle name William as my first name but here's the thing my last name is O'Hara. Like bleccchhh, right? I definitely can't expect people to call me by a different last name. Even if I could I'd need to cook one up.

No one calls Spike Lee Shelton even though at one point in his like he was Shelton. Go ahead and I bet he will make a movie about how awful you are. Yes spike is a verb but it also a weapon for impaling skulls so it is a pretty awesome name change.

I could be Mace but a piss poor rapper in the 90's stole that one and gave it a bad name. I suppose I could go with the name Sword Strychnine or Explosion McGiliicutty. Only as long as my last name was McGillicutty.

Am I serious about calling me Patrick? Yes I am. Am I as serious as parts of this post suggest? Nope I hope it was funny for the most part.

So yeah call me Patrick.

Yes I'm well aware that I'm opening myself up to being called Pat facetiously.

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Filed under: comedy, me.

Tags: Names

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