The Royal Baby is born! Now whole world as you were

I know I should care about the Royal, as of yet unnamed, Baby but should I? I feel like the rest of the world has gone ga ga for a person who has yet to say ga ga. No I'm not a pessimist, I just don't get it. First of all, what does the Royal Family do? I looked it up so I know the answer but where do I apply? I'm a comedian so I'd make a decent jester. Is there even a Royal Jester anymore? If not, I'd like to sign up.

Also, how do we even know how this baby will turn out? What if we all are going cray cray for a bay bay that will end up a jerk. Aren't the Royals just a British version of the Kardashians? Okay, they are British so I'm sure they are a bit more proper and not as big in the backside but still what do they do?

You will say they are ambassadors and that's fine but man they sure do make a lot of money just to wave and look pretty. Seriously, the Queen Mum is quite the looker. Ironically, I prefaced that last sentence with "seriously".

There is a weird part of me that wants this baby's rule to start soon. No I don't wish ill of the Royal Family, I just need help with this screenplay I'm writing about a king baby. I'm calling it Baby King. I'm working on an endorsement from Burger King so far no dice.

What about all of the other babies born today? They already have a lot to live up to. So many parents will ask "Why can't you be more like the Royal Baby?" That's a lot of pressure for just being born on the same day as the Royal Baby who I'm calling Patrick for lack of a better name and because as of this typing has no name.

I do wish nothing but the best for the new baby and the Royal Family. Congratulations on your little bundle of joy. A million dollars sure could buy you a lot of tooth brushes.

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