Under Pressure At My Blood Test.

I wrote on my diabetic blog about having to take a Hba1c test, a blood test.  Earlier this week I had to go to the lab and get it done.  When I left I felt like I had to go to the bathroom.  I felt like it could wait until I reached my destination.

As most drives in that situation go, it was becoming critical and of course there was traffic.  There is always traffic when you have to go to the bathroom.  While on the topic why does everything become more difficult when you have to go to the washroom?  The simplest task, like unlocking a door becomes a bomb disarming scene from an action movie.

Back to the story, I arrived at the hospital and did that walk combo skip giving the illusion to those in your way that you are moving with purpose and urgency.   I made it to the washroom and of course my zipper became a Rubik’s cube I had to solve…quickly.  I did the deed and went to the lab, to the vampire, or nurse, I cannot remember what happened really.

I am expert blood giver, I know the steps, I know the best vein I know the procedure.  I was set to be in and out.  The next thing out of her mouth was news to me.  I had to give a urine sample.  I told her if she checked the plumbing I just left one.  Yeah, what am I going to do?  Everything came to a halt.  I have to go again?  I just went, biology will tell you some things just are not so easy.

I had no choice.  They would not let me leave until I made a deposit.  She gave me the tiniest bit of water , I looked at it and laughed.  I had to get it done.  I went into the bathroom and gave myself a pep talk it went something like this.

“Alright, we have been here before, we have faced adversity.  We have knocked down many a urinal cake.  We can do this.”  Then I took a knee.  I pointed to the sky, you know because there was something inspiring about the ceiling.

I got off the ground, why did I kneel in the bathroom?  In case it was not obvious I embellished a bit.  I did get into a zone though and became focused.  All of my energy went to one task.  I drank the bit of water then ran my hand under warm water.  I heard that makes people pee.  I got “set” and did a tiny fist pump…and we had ignition.  I accomplished the mission.

I walked out of the bathroom, washed my hands of course. Handed the cup to the nurse then gave her a high five.  Freeze frame.  Fade to black.

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Tags: bathroom, comedy, health

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