A Talk With Future Me.

Yesterday I saw “Looper” with some friends.  I will tell you how this post will relate to that movie without giving anything away.  No need for a spoiler alert what I am going to tell you is made known in the trailer.  In the movie Joseph Gordon-Leavitt meets future him (John McClain).  This made me think of the conversations I would have with my 64 and hopefully still handsome self.

First things first I would tell him to stop letting our gray show, our friends are lying, gray is not the new awesome.  I would also remind me that our metabolism is a dwindling thing and we need to watch what we eat lest we become the male version of Honey Boo Boo’s mom.  Though I speculate she might be sort of a dude already.

I would tell myself that I am disappointed that I succumbed to the black socks in sandals look.  Hey man remember when you used to care about your personal appearance?  Let us get back to that, mean kids are laughing at you old man.

Also, now that we are hopefully retired, stop waking up with the birds and doing yard work.  We did not work on being mediocre just so we could work hard as a senior citizen.  Sleep in a little, heck maybe have days where you just do not wake up.  Also old man O’Hara, let the kids step on your lawn the more trampled it is the less it looks like a forest.

Oh and one more thing, take a lot of showers, you stink, you do not know you stink but you really do.  You have that old person smell.  Side note: do not get mad at the old people smell statement, it is a proven fact.  So yeah shower you old curmudgeon.

Honestly, I am not sure that I want to meet the future self.  I mean I guess tomorrow I will and every day after but I am in no hurry to meet me 30 years from now.  As rad as he probably is, he might also be an awful person and I would prefer to be blissfully ignorant.

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Tags: Chicago, comedy, Future, Looper


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