I know I will have made it as a comedian as soon as rumors of my death flood the internet. It is not really a rite of passage, many already famous people come face to face with their rumored mortality. The most recent happened to Bill Cosby, who for all intents and purposes is still alive and making the awful sweater business boom.
What is the anatomy of a death hoax? Where does it begin? Can I just log on to my computer and send a statement announcing Abe Vigoda’s death and watch the message cup spill over? I would never lie about Abe Vigoda’s death, if there is a God he looks fondly upon Fish.
I feel like I need a death hoax to get the wheels turning on my comedy career. So I am going to post that I died. I hope no one notices how ridiculous it is that even in death I can still post, but maybe the fire of rumor will spread and people will start talking about me.
Then will come the denial that I died and am very much still alive. By that time my imminent fame is already on the horizon. I can write a book about what it is like being dead for a little bit. There are so many great ideas I have for my death hoax.
Never mind the fact that I misspelled “regret” in my post about it. I mean in the afterlife there is no auto correct. It got the point across, now I can sit back and watch my name trend on Twitter and wait for memorials outside of my house. I forgot to release and album or DVD oh well, I hope someone will take care of all of my business for me.*
*As of this posting I would like to let everyone know that despite rumors to the contrary I am very much alive and posting blogs and writing jokes.