Comedy is a strange but wonderful world. I love every single second that I am on stage. I enjoy putting smiles on faces and helping the audience escape for a fraction of time. Every once in a while things come up that make me love this business even more.
Next Monday I will be in the second round of a comedy competition, I am breaking the fourth wall when I write this but, like most competitions, comedy competitions are a popularity contest. I am not saying those who are successful do not deserve to. I was told after my performance last week that I was pretty funny, which means I am doing my job.
The reason why I am hell bent on winning this contest Is because of the grand prize, a 7 pound hot dog, oh and my own show and $500 but also A SEVEN POUND HOT DOG!!! I mean rarely comes the opportunity to tell people how you acquired a giant hot dog. I am pretty excited to win it, and to be in the second round means I am just steps away. Even if I win second or third I still get a giant hot dog. So I am okay winning a silver or bronze.
Here is my “Miss America Speech” I have prepared for if I win…
“As a winner and beholder of this giant hot dog, I will not eat said hot dog but will take it places in Chicago and take pictures with it. After I am done taking pictures I will remove it from the cooler I am transporting it in and will cut it up into patties and will feed the homeless. I will use the leftovers and will fight for world peace by bringing together our world leaders. I will bring together Democrats and Republicans and form one party, the “Hot Diggity Dog” party. I will bring together Suge Knight and Puff Daddy and they will squash their beef. I will over feed every “real” housewife from some city so we never have to listen rich hags complain of how difficult life is on the top. I will make every unrequited love requited. I will make a special traffic lane for me and my supporters so even if there is traffic it will be the most awesome traffic ever. Lastly, I will retire from comedy because there is no way it gets any better than winning a huge hot dog.”
See it is not a self-serving speech, I am going to the fixer. All will be right with the world because I would be the proud owner of a giant hot dog. This is not meant to be a self-promoting post but peep the image attached to this article for details if you want to help me change the world starting August 20th. This will be bigger than KONY2012 and Hands Across America. Viva La Hot Dog Revolucion!