I had a little bit of trouble sleeping last night. Things have been going very well for me, but I got the feeling I could be doing more. I have a fantastic job at the Congress Theater where I get to work with the top comics in the country and I'm able to pick up club work on a regular basis now, but something was missing.
As I began to ponder where I wanted my life to go, I thought back on what made me want to first become a comedian. It was staying up late with my father and watching Letterman, Conan, and Saturday Night Live. The bits and characters in these shows left us in hysterics which we tried to muffle with our hands covering our mouths so as not to wake my mother. Such bits as Dave ordering food at the drive-thru, Conan's desk-driving adventures, and David Spade's "Hollywood Minute" on SNL. The characters were fantastic; such as Dave's "Chamber Maid" who came out and relentlessly swore at him, Conan's "Masturbating Bear" found a place in all our hearts, and anything that Phil Hartman did was brilliant. Beyond those elements in the shows, the jokes completely captivated me.
Specifically, the jokes in the monologue often dropped my jaw. They would prey on current events and celebrities, jabbing at the topic in the setup, then throwing a devastating right hook to drop the deserving culprit in the punch line. I was in awe of what was able to be done or said with just a short joke and of the reaction it got from the crowd. I felt the same way about the jokes on Weekend Update or in David Spade's "Hollywood Minute," which was particularly enjoyable in a sinister way that often left you wondering if a celebrity was going to beat up Spade.
Every week on Weekend Update Norm MacDonald threw a box of bricks at Judge Ito and the incompetent OJ Jury in a new batch of OJ Killed his Wife Jokes. He did this until the NBC President at the time, Don Ohlmeyer, a close friend of OJ, fired Norm. That is what joke writing is all about, saying what you feel should be said without fearing consequences, and making it funny.
I have decided it is my writing process that was making me feel unaccomplished. I need to write more! So I have decided to force myself to write monologue jokes everyday and throw them up weekly on a blog every Wednesday. Please comment on them, please share the blog with others, put it on your website, and send it to your pals in showbiz. I'm going for it! Worst case scenario, I force myself to write jokes everyday, thus becoming a better writer. Best case scenario, somebody at the top of the food chain sees my blog, likes my jokes and I get my dream job, writing jokes for a television show.
Here's what I have so far. Every monologue joke I write is based on an actual news story. All of them except the first were written late last night:
1/11/11 - A movie claimed to be the first ever cinema-standard film to be shot solely on the iPhone has been premiered by celebrated South Korean director Park Chan-Wook. The film is titled "Me go Pee-pee."
The Ohio homeless man whose smooth broadcaster voice made him an internet sensation, had the police called on him after he and his daughter got into a heated argument at a hotel during a trip to Hollywood to appear on "Dr. Phil" and "Entertainment Tonight." When questioned by police his daughter said, "He wouldn't stop asking me for change!"
Struggling entertainment site MySpace said Tuesday that it is cutting nearly half its staff worldwide, or about 500 people, after an extensive revamp in October allowed it to be run by fewer people. In a related story, the Creator and CEO of Myspace, Tom, has 500 less friends on the site.
A Sultan nudist club is suing to stop a public shooting range from being built near the park it runs for nude outdoor enthusiasts. A spokesperson for the club stated, "Naked people don't look good shot."
According to a new study from Ohio State University, young people crave boosts to their self-esteem more than sex and money. In a related story, millions of young people across the country have begun trading sex and money for higher self-esteem.
At the Buffalo Wild Wings in South Elgin, IL Sunday night two men arguing who went to a better school got into a brawl - and one hit the other in the head with a bear bottle and broke a bar stool, police said. Police also learned the argument was over grade schools, the last level of education both men completed.
Thanks and Stay Classy Chicago!
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