The Difference Between Asian Parents and White Parents

SCENE White moms browsing lighting fixtures at Restoration Hardware

LORI LOUGHLIN

Olivia's going to USC next year!

LORI'S MOM FRIEND KIRSTEN

Oh my, congratulations, Lori! That is wonderful news. You and your husband must be so proud.

LORI

Thanks, Kirsten. We are thrilled. We all worked so hard for this.

SCENE Asian moms squeezing fruit in the produce aisle at 99 Ranch

HENRY'S MOM

Henry is going to Yale. Is Ed going to be joining his brother at MIT next year?

ED'S MOM

No...

[coughs, turns away]

...USC

HENRY'S MOM

Oh. USC's good! It is! Oh don't be so hard on yourself. We know Ed had a tough junior year, coma for 9 months after the car accident. We are happy he is back and healthy again.

ED'S MOM

The school wouldn't even let him try to take the AP Calc test after he woke up! Said he didn't have enough instruction time. He would have passed.

HENRY'S MOM

Aiyaaaa don't think about it. USC's good. They have a really great film school.

ED'S MOM

[incredulously]

FILM school?!

HENRY'S MOM AND ED'S MOM

[throw their heads back in hysterical laughter]

Baaaaaahhahahahaha

HENRY'S MOM

[tears of laughter in her eyes]

Oh I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was saying. On autopilot for a sec, just talked to Lori about USC this morning. Anyway. Ed can transfer in two years.

 

Note: with no specific offense to USC. Replace USC with any school other than Harvard.

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